"Love" virus strikes at the funny bone

The "Love Bug" computer virus has caused an estimated billions of dollars in damage and has disabled tens of millions of computers, but that isn't stopping "I Love You" jokes from circulating.

Letterman's Top Ten signs you have a lame computer virus

10. Erases hard drive, replaces it with exactly what was there before.

9. You turn on the computer and it starts spitting out $50s.

8. Attacks processor by decreasing RAM by 20MB--basically turns cursor into Ms. Pac-Man.

7. All your software now registered to some guy named "Shecky."

6. All the adult sites now have photos of nude Bill Gates.

5. You now have access to only 48,765 'N Sync sites.

4. Every time you type the phrase "saucer of milk," computer meows.

3. Turns computer monitor into television that only shows CBS.

2. Emails your friends telling them you actually bought one of those George Foreman grills.

1. It's programmed to go off sometime in the year 1963.

Source: David Letterman show

The virus even made comedian David Letterman's "Top Ten" list on television last night, and it is being joked about on Web sites and around the office.

According to Letterman, the top 10 signs "you have a lame computer virus" include: "All the adult sites now have nude photos of Bill Gates," "every time you type the phrase 'saucer of milk,' your computer meows," or the virus "emails your friends telling them you actually bought one of those George Foreman grills."

Web site Modern Humorist asks: "How is the government combating the 'I Love You' virus?" Answer: "The Justice Department wants to break it up into two separate viruses, 'I Love' and 'You.'"

Around the office, many people are declaring themselves "lucky in love," having received dozens of unsolicited emails carrying the virus with "love" in the subject header. Others complain they aren't being "loved enough," having received none at all.

Those who received email with "Very Funny" in the header were not amused: It merely turned out to be another version of the "Love" virus.

Computer virus jokes are not new. At Jim's Joke Repository, an "urgent computer virus bulletin" warns that one previous virus hoax "will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine."

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Funny doesn't describe the damage these viruses do

Boy have times changed since this article was written. These days, spam is a global problem and is actually being cause in large part as a result of viruses such as the beloved love bug.

I'm interested in knowing whether viruses like the love bug can in future be avoided using techniques like MailChannels (http://www.mailchannels.com) and thereby reduce the volume of spam coming from compromised systems.