It's well known that aliens are already among us and not very impressed.
Why else would they keep such a low profile? For them, reporting back on us is a punitive assignment.
However, there are those who still fear an alien invasion.
As my proof, might I offer the community of Tuscumbia, Ala.?
Its 94.9FM station decided to change its musical format. So, as a little marketing wheeze, it broadcast that aliens were taking over the station to see what music the locals truly enjoyed.
The locals, sadly, were overtaken by panic. They feared the melody of bombs being dropped upon them from outer space. They worried that little green people would soon be representing them at the state senate. Politicians must be either red or blue. Everyone knows that.
Should you think that I have begun the Labor Day weekend in excessive spirits, please share my irregular reading of the local TimesDaily.
It reports on the programming director of Shoals Radio Group, Brian Rickman, apologizing -- but, beneath his breath, seeming to wonder whether the local inhabitants are entirely devoid of even the most basic faculties.
He said: "We are truly taken back by how out of context this has been taken. We could not have foreseen this happening."
For there were parents and students who truly feared bombs would be dropping on local schools.
Some parents actually kept their kids at home, while police and school officials stepped up patrols. Ah, if only they'd been in possession of extra-sophisticated Google Glass in order to take infrared images of the little green people.
The reaction does seem curious as the ads don't appear to have mentioned, say, schools or bombs.
Rickman told the TimesDaily: "All we can figure is that some kid posted something on Facebook and it went viral from there. This is not the kind of publicity we wanted."
Some might wish to compare this to the day before Halloween in 1938. An adaptation of H.G. Wells' "War of the Worlds" was broadcast on the radio by Orson Welles' Mercury Theater Group.
Many people believed that New Jersey had been invaded. (Many still do.) Panic ensued.
More Technically Incorrect
But that was 75 years ago. Since then, we've seen so many alien movies that filmmakers resort to telling us that aliens look like giant prawns.
Yet, in Tuscumbia, Ala., they still live in fear. It isn't just in Tuscumbia, is it?
I decided to research a little more about the potential of alien invasions in America and was stunned by what I found.
For hidden on YouTube's multitude of pages was a film of UFOs invading a place called Spring Park.
Saucer-shaped UFOs adorn the sky. There's even a UFO which, as the poster described, "looked like a group of rubber bands."
At the time of writing, only 141 people have seen the video since it was posted on November 12 of last year.
And where is Spring Park? Tuscumbia, Ala.