Guess what! Google is going to buy Twitter! No, Facebook's going to buy it! Or Yahoo--oh, wait, they can't afford it anymore. The latest and most absurd rumor, floated by Valleywag, suggests that Apple has been looking at buying Twitter, too.
Yes, Apple. It's a hardware company that really only markets and hypes up software as a means to sell more hardware--like how iTunes really exists to sell iPods--and yet apparently it wants to buy Twitter. I'm not sure Twitter could convince me to buy any hardware, except maybe a water balloon to carry around in the hopes that maybe I could lob it at annoyingly Twitter-happy Ashton Kutcher.
You know what? If I had $500 million in cash lying around, I'd look into buying Twitter, too. I'd also buy a flying car. Twitter happens to be, oh, the hottest start-up in the digital-media business right now, so it'd probably be a good investment. But it's also buzzworthy as a form of communication and news delivery--and with the iPhone, it's completely understandable that Apple would be interested in this sort of property. A BusinessWeek report highlights this: Twitter apps are hot on the iPhone, it'd be a cheap buy for Apple--so why not? It ends on a rather smart note, that perhaps Apple ought to invest in Twitter, not buy it.
Why does this sound so familiar? Maybe because we've heard it all before. Two years ago, Google and Microsoft and Yahoo and News Corp. and probably several Abu Dhabi oil billionaires were reportedly in the running to buy Digg, back when it was on the top of Silicon Valley's start-up heap. It was almost a done deal. And again. And again. And none of that has happened yet.
Somebody will probably buy Twitter eventually, unless it manages to come up with a magic-pixie-dust secret sauce business model that blows everyone's minds and it files for a phenomenally successful initial public offering and it totally single-handedly ends the recession and saves Silicon Valley and the world and yaaaaaay! But until that bright and sparkling day, let's stop getting all totally worked up whenever an executive from some huge tech powerhouse is spotted walking into Twitter's office's front door. Maybe they were just there to play foosball.
This is all giving me a headache. And I don't think you want me Twittering that I have a headache again.
It shouldn't be like this. Technology and engineers' capabilities are advancing so fast right now that everything that is good about a current product can, in theory, easily be built into its successors. But sometimes this doesn't happen. Here are a few choice examples of upgrades that are downgrades, and why you're better off with the older tech:
Vista
Apple's ads run in the most creative places.
The obvious number one product for this list. Vista is the new shiny operating system Microsoft released to replace Windows XP. Except it hasn't, because it's a poor upgrade. It's slower, bigger, and buggier. Many people, not just those in the opportunistic Apple ads (and Apple has its own problems), would rather get a new computer with the old XP operating system.
Why it happened: Books will be written about Vista's failures, which, in fairness, probably have as much to do with Microsoft's need to support a vast universe of third-party hardware and software products as with flaws in Microsoft's marketing and software development strategy.
Quicken
Ouch.
Intuit apparently believes that new users won't buy a personal accounting product if it's last year's model, and it also wants to upgrade its current users each year. So it "sunsets" older versions after three years: it turns off online access to bank updates and eliminates support. Sadly, some older versions of Quicken are faster and more stable than the new versions. But if you're a Quicken user, you can't stick with "classic" versions without giving up useful online features.
Why it continues to happen: Intuit has locked itself into a yearly upgrade cycle on a product that clearly takes more than a year to update.
Linksys WRT54G
The old WRT54G wireless router was a reliable and economical product, but a few years ago Linksys released a version 5 of the product that they knew was buggier. Knowledgeable users were able to get the older version by shopping online for the special "WRT54GL" router, which was really the previous version. It cost a few extra bucks, but it was a far better value.
Why it happened: Cost cutting, pure and simple. I covered this in 2006.
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Wow, she's changing clothes? Right now? What a coincidence!
(Credit: MySpace.com)Roommates, the new MySpace TV original Web series, has all the plot dexterity, acting ability, and subtlety of a low-budget porno flick, without any of the payoff. Parents, the chances of your child encountering an actual sexual predator or engaging in actual criminal activity on MySpace.com are pretty low, statistically speaking. But if your kids are watching Roommates, you want to put a stop to that pronto. This is some psychologically damaging stuff.
The premise of the "show," which launched yesterday, is that four aspiring model/actresses...er, recent college grads...are living together in a house in L.A., while four others, who are slightly less attractive and don't rate full-time camera positions, live together somewhere else and send in Webcam videos. Each of them appears to have some cardboard-cutout personality-type attached, like "the fashionista" (because people actually call each other that), the bitchy smartish one, and the Webcam-only hippie chick (who's not at all dirty or, like, yucky Burning Man grungy, because ew!).
In the first episode, we are treated to such pulled-directly-from-soft-porn moments as accidentally (!) walking in on a character (!!) who's in the middle of changing clothes (!!!) and is strategically placed in perfectly matching lingerie (!!!!) and who does not get dressed or run away from the camera!!!!! Then there's two women "wrestling" on the couch without any pants on. And finally, my personal favorite, the unintentionally hilarious moment when one of the Plastics announces that they all need to relax and "light a candle." Yep. Because it stinks in here.
I can't actually get through the entirety of Episode 2, but it involves Truth or Dare, lots of booze (parents? you listening?) and dancing replete with lots o' butt shots and a mysteriously appearing DJ hand. After all, what bad faux-porn show wouldn't do drunken dancing and Truth or Dare?
Now, lest I sound like I'm up on some feminist high-horse about the objectification of women...well, I totally am. But I'm also insulted, as someone who does Web video, that this is the best MySpace thinks it has to do to launch a Web video presence they're calling "MySpace TV." Even the cheesiest VH1 faux reality show (which I totally watch) can do better than, "Ohmygosh you guys, I'm changing!" They're not even trying. They're just putting together a pretty collection of young girls and getting them to make out with the camera--figuratively and literally, but that's where I bailed on the second episode. Watch it if you must, but this stuff will rot your brain.
Yahoo Maps' Web 2.0 interface goes horribly wrong
(Credit: Yahoo.com)
Okay, here are some things that tick me off: irritating cell phone ringtones, fast food, the Comic Sans font, Paris Hilton, bad grammar, and SpongeBob Squarepants. Generally, they don't get on my nerves nearly enough for me to want to tell everyone about it--but sometimes the annoyance reaches a level where I just want to...vent.
Enter VentBox, which is basically a forum for complaints. Type in something that irritates you, write whatever you want about it; not only will it post your vent on the site, it'll also connect you to other VentBox users who are ranting about the same thing. I'm not sure that mutual dislikes are the best base for making new friends online (just because you both can't stand Justin Timberlake doesn't necessarily mean you'll be compatible) but that really isn't the point. VentBox is a way for you to realize that, hey, you're not the only one who's ticked off by your cable company, Peyton Manning, or impossibly-hard-to-open jars of salsa. And that might be refreshing enough to make you a little bit less irked about it all.
Plus, Vent Box has a cool "2.0" look to it, complete with a tag cloud of the most popular vents and ways for you to share your vents on your blog or elsewhere. So, um, if you want to vent about the "Web 2.0" phenomenon, you might want to try writing an angry editorial to your local newspaper instead. Just sayin'.
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