Train Wreck

What is it about meetings that brings out the worst in otherwise reasonable and intelligent people? Is it an opportunity to childishly engage and disrupt others? Or perhaps it's a chance to demonstrate animalistic dominance. Who knows.

All I do know is, for companies to operate effectively, executives, managers, and key employees need to know how to run effective meetings. Meetings are how conflicts are resolved and plans are agreed upon. They are how critical strategic and operating processes are developed, managed, and to some extent, executed.

Conversely, ineffective meetings result in lost productivity and frustration. They can also be a sign of a dysfunctional workplace, which can result in operating failure.

In my experience technology managers and executives are so inept at conducting effective meetings you'd think it's rocket science or a rare genetic trait. I have no idea why that is. ... Read more

The concept of corporate governance implies consistent and effective laws, methods, and metrics for governing our nation's public companies. The sad fact is that there is no such thing. It's a myth. Here's why:

People talk about the fiduciary responsibility of boards of directors. What that means, in plain speak, is that boards are supposed to:

1) Hire and fire the CEO and appoint other corporate officers
2) Compensate the CEO and other corporate officers
3) Oversee corporate strategy
4) Represent shareholders in the transparent and effective governance of the company

As an ex-officer of several public companies and as a consultant, I've been involved with lots of boards, executive staffs, investment banks, VCs, corporate attorneys, and the like. At least in my experience, boards don't operate the way they're supposed to.

Let's take the last point first. Shareholders are offered a slate of directors and a handful of issues to rubberstamp. That means they have two choices: accept or reject.

Now, let me ask you this. If your spouse or doctor says, "Here's my recommendation, take it or leave it," what do you do? That's right, you take it. Is it the best thing for you? Who the heck knows? You had a gun to your head so you nodded up and down. ... Read more

(Credit: Steve Tobak)

Here's the first installment of Train Wreck's first recurring post: Dysfunctional Executive Watch. It'll show up whenever there's enough material. Enjoy the lunacy, and let us know if you've got something to report.

You've got fraud
On Monday, the Securities and Exchange Commission filed civil charges against eight former executives of AOL Time Warner for fraudulently inflating online advertising revenue by more than $1 billion. Four of the executives agreed to pay millions in fines and return ill-gotten gains. Charges against the other four, including former CFO John Michael Kelly, are still pending.

The company had previously agreed to fork over $500 million to settle civil and criminal charges brought by the SEC and the Justice Department. ... Read more

My in-laws were in town this past weekend, escaping the Wisconsin snowstorms for a few sunny days in Silicon Valley. Hanging out with them was a welcome break from all the usual nonsense we call day-to-day life.

It got me thinking about how infrequently we take a step back from our gadget-filled, workaholic lives to gain some perspective. How often do you ask yourself if you like what you're doing, if you're on the right track, or if you should be doing anything differently?

The same goes for companies. After all, companies are made up of people. Executives and directors are people. How often do they step back and assess the company's technology, products and services, and strategy with respect to the competition? ... Read more

Think chair

(Credit: Steelcase)

We spend lots of time with electronic gadgets and most of it sitting on our behinds. Xbox and iPhone may get all the press, but one of the most important gadgets in your office is your desk chair.

Think a chair isn't a gadget? Have you checked out the controls on any of these ergonomic chairs lately? Some of them are even licensing the technology for use in other markets.

I recently looked into the options and finally settled on a Think chair from Steelcase. The manufacturer markets Think as "The chair with a brain and a conscience." It's supposed to adjust itself to your body. But it isn't cheap.

Here's how I ended up with Think and my assessment of the product. Keep in mind that I don't review products for a living. That said, I am compulsive; my wife says I overanalyze everything. So when it came to the chair for my home office, I took it very seriously.

I became a consultant in 2003, but not without some trepidation about leaving the safety net of the corporate world. It was hard to break away. I had worked in the tech industry for 23 years and, despite my reputation, a surprising number of apparently misguided companies wanted to hire me.

Still, my mind was made up. As one executive recruiter put it, you could put a fork in me; I was done.

So I told John Bourgoin, CEO of MIPS Technologies, that I would love to consult for him, but wasn't interested in joining the company.

John said he wouldn't hire me as a consultant. ... Read more

A friend once told me there are two reasons why people don't retire, and both are tragic: they either want to retire but can't, or they have no other interests but their work.

In July, Bill Gates will cease to be a full-time Microsoft employee. While he will remain the software giant's chairman, philanthropy will be the world's most famous geek's new full-time job.

With super-rich high-tech executives like Dell, Ellison, and Jobs still gainfully employed, who pegged Gates to opt out on the "other interests" clause? Not me; I thought he'd work at Microsoft until he keeled over. And philanthropy? That was doubly unexpected.

This might have been more timely a week or two ago, but there's always Boss's Day (October 16th in case you were wondering) and the inevitable birthday. Regardless of the occasion, giving and receiving gifts are typically joyous experiences for both parties.

But when it comes to an employee giving his or her boss a gift, well, let's just say there might be a whole lot more going on there than meets the eye.

Your boss will likely think you're sucking up; dysfunctional executives love that sort of thing. But in fact, you're sending a message. And whether it's out in the open or subtly or even not-so-subtly hidden is entirely up to you. In any case, here are some novel suggestions for the nutcase boss on your gift list.

Blood pressure monitor

(Credit: A&D Medical)

Blood pressure monitor. Ostensibly because you care about him or her, giving this to your Type A boss is really about your own health. Maybe when his blood pressure hits 160/100 he'll stop ranting and raving at you and go out and take a walk or something.

Controlling People by Patricia Evans

(Credit: Steve Tobak)

Book on controlling people. Bosses are always trying to get employees to read books and take classes to improve their skills. Why not the other way around? It's a great way to send a not-so-subtle message about what you think of their behavior. This is one of my favorites.

Market analysis tool

(Credit: Steve Tobak)

High-tech market analysis tool. Decision-making for dysfunctional executives is often more about their emotional state or superstition than anything resembling logic or deductive reasoning. Who knows, buying and selling stocks at random might actually be an improvement.

Armida Poizin Wine

(Credit: Steve Tobak)

Poizin "the wine to die for". What better way to reduce the stress of acting out and throwing tantrums like a spoiled child all day long than a glass or two of vino. Not only is this very good wine, but like the book, your boss may even get the hint.

Danbury Greatest Boss Clock

(Credit: Steve Tobak)

"Greatest boss" clock. Sadly, dysfunctional bosses are often in denial about their behavior. Most believe they have to be tough for their employee's own good. More than likely your boss will think you mean it, but you and your coworkers will know the truth.

Favorite Pet Picture Frame

(Credit: Casey Tobak)

Favorite pet picture frame. Dysfunctional executives don't relate well to people, which explains why they act like self-important jerks much of the time. But they love their pets, which they often elevate to iconic status. Otherwise your boss can use it for the person she loves most - herself.

Now you know the real reason why it's better to give than to receive ... at least until you become a boss and start getting strange gifts with double meanings.

I don't know how many times I've read a post or an article by some small-minded, self-important journalist advising a public company's board of directors on how to "fix" the company. The most common advice is "sell the company," "fire the CEO," or better still, "fire all the executives."

Even if a company is screwing up, how is a journalist--whose entire management experience consists of looking at his watch to be sure he files a story by 3 p.m.--qualified to dole out management advice? Is mastery of a keyboard sufficient experience to know how to run a company?