This is definitely a question reeking of our delightful modernity: if you were an escaped convict, would you regularly update your Facebook status?
This question is significant because Craig "Lazie" Lynch has, according to CBSNews.com, been on the run from a British prison since September. However, his Facebook page, updated with a plethora of bons mots Sunday, has stirred so many who admire freedom and, um, crime.
Lynch's musings are enjoying the attention of more than 3,000, um, friends. They have been regaled with Lynch's dilemmas, thoughts and wishes. This, for example, from Sunday: "Trying to figure out my plans for New Years. I know what I want to do but its not that easy."
Who can but sympathize with his plight? It's tough to get a reservation for dinner at a Gordon Ramsay establishment at such late notice. And if he wanted to take a lover for, say, a night at the Ritz, well, there might be problem with the credit card confirmation.
Lynch was serving a 7-year sentence for aggravated burglary before he slipped out of Hollesey Bay Prison, which is in the rather sleepy and flat part of England to the north-east of London.
An aerial view of the prison and its surroundings. Plenty of fields to hide in, no?
(Credit: CC Babylon Angel/Flickr)The police are, naturally, not well-disposed toward Lynch's updates.
"We have spoken to Facebook and we are trying to trace him from the information we have, but it's one of those things that we're also asking for help from members of the public," police spokesperson Anne-Marie Breach told CNN.
It seems, though, that late Sunday, Lynch began experiencing a little emotional pain. In what must have been an almost teary update, he posted: "right i'm coming off this page as i have better things to do."
Who might have imagined that, in his mysterious hideaway, Lynch had something better to do than continue his run as a Facebook attraction?
Still, he continued: "In fact due to the nature of some of these comments and the racist remarks that keep frequently poppin up have a dig at me by all means but why be abusive to others due to their colour or race it is petty minded fools who have ruined this site."
Petty-minded, indeed. Some of the world's great artists have suffered when their works have been ruined by unscrupulous, jealous critics, so Lynch's pain is entirely understandable.
However, he wants his supporters to know that he is grateful. For he posted: "Thank you to...all of you serious supporters out there and to my admin staff. To all you haters and hitlers out there i hope you slowly choke in your sleep."
By the way, if you ever wondered about the definition of aggravated burglary it is this: at the time of the burglary, the criminal: "has with him a firearm, imitation firearm, weapon of offense, or any explosive."
You might imagine, therefore, that Lynch is someone who might not always turn the other cheek. This might affect the level of sympathy you have for his Facebook critics.
How do you react, for example, to this update from he Saturday evening?: "Its freezing outside. Another lonely night. So far away from my family and friend. Yet I have so many supporters and haters on here. Thx for your support everyone cause this is a FAN PAGE."
One might conceive that, with the help of the large brains at Facebook, Lynch's Facebook fame might shortly come to an abrupt logout.
But here's the thing that seems a little peculiar. Lynch, according to the BBC, was serving time near the end of his sentence and escaped while he was on day release.
For some, the lure of Facebook fame is clearly uncontrollable.
Facebook seems to have contributed to countless broken love affairs, divorces, and insane levels of jealousy. People pry into your friend lists and updates until they sometimes reach conclusions far beyond reality. How lovely, then, that a mere status update appears to have saved a Harlem man from jail.
According to The New York Times, Rodney Bradford decided to update his status with a call from the soul. "Where's my pancakes?" is the Times' translation of a status update it says was written in "indecipherable street slang." The fact that Bradford did this at 11:49 a.m. on October 17, using his father's computer, meant that he would not have to suffer pancakes of a more distasteful nature in the local penitentiary.
(Credit:
CC Slushpup/Flickr)
Bradford, you see, was arrested the next day for robbery. However, after he was booked, his lawyer was intelligent enough to update the district attorney with news of Bradford's Facebooking.
A subpoena was swiftly flung the way of the Zuckerbergville crew so that they might reveal whether the timing and location of the update were correct. They were, meaning Bradford could update his criminal status to "cleared."
There are some, however, who are not entirely convinced the charges should have been dropped. Joseph Pollini, a teacher at the Department of Law, Police Science and Criminal Justice Administration at John Jay College of Criminal Justice told the Times: "With a username and password, anyone can input data in a Facebook page."
He also offered a dire warning of the infinite dastardliness of people Bradford's age: "Some of the brightest people on the Internet are teenagers. They know the Internet better than a lot of people. Why? Because they use it all the time."
Oh, why is it so hard to give young people the benefit of the doubt--especially on Facebook?
Facebook may have 300 million members, but a news story this week makes one particular member stand out from the crowd.
Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., is alleged to have burgled a house of two diamond rings. However, according to the Journal of West Virginia, Parker is alleged to have done something of a highly modern nature during this burglary.
For the victim, examining her computer after the burglary, noticed that her computer was logged into someone else's Facebook account. This might seem strange in itself. However, the person who logged on (perhaps to update his status to "feeling lucky today"?) also seems not to have logged off. That led intrepid sleuths to the figure of Parker, whose Facebook page it is indeed alleged, was the one that lay open.
Parker has been charged with one count of having an impressive and excessive ego. I'm sorry, that's not quite right. He has been charged with one count of felony daytime burglary.
It would be churlish to suggest that our obsession with networking socially will get us into trouble. However, after a Florida case in which a man allegedly stole a laptop in order to check his Facebook page, shouldn't we really consider whether the Facebook habit might be leading some to difficult and damaging behavior?
I know some people like to install live video feeds in their homes.
I always imagined it was because they don't trust their spouses. Or because they're well, a little odd. Perhaps even very odd.
However, Jeanne Thomas, 43, put her live feed in last October when her home was burglarized. Which turns out to have been a peculiarly clairvoyant decision.
She was sitting in her office Wednesday, and, perhaps because offices are somewhat tedious places, she happened to be watching her dogs scamper about at home.
Suddenly, she noticed visitors appearing through her doggie door. Were her doggies having a poodle party while their Mommy was working? These did not appear to be, well, doggies at all. No, these were hound dogs who were slim enough and mean enough to burglarize her house.
One can only imagine the few seconds during which Ms. Thomas must have suddenly experienced a rapidly expanding air pocket in her throat. However, she swallowed hard and called 911.
The Boynton Beach, Fla., police, ever armed and ready, raced over to her house where they apprehended Curtis Williams, 20 and Steven Morales, 19, inside. They caught another couple of suspects at a home nearby.
The accused are charged with trying to make off with a 37-inch flat screen TV, a "gaming machine" (with games), and a safe.
The police, having appeared, as police should do, right at the end of the movie, sped back to their place of work and put Ms. Thomas' video on YouTube.
It is an enchanting five minutes of footage, so please enjoy. Apparently, it makes for more than interesting viewing when you're just sitting around at the office.
There are those who believe machines have minds of their own.
In which case, the cell phone belonging to a 16-year-old from Peoria, Ariz., is of a mind to uphold truth, justice and to make 16-year-old thieves look really, really stupid.
The unnamed teen was allegedly hanging with his buds and regaling them with what seems to be the story of how he had ripped a stereo from a car and stolen a Cricket phone.
While his friends were apparently unimpressed with the Cricket (they're rather more moved by BlackBerrys), I am stunned to discover that people these days bother to rip stereos out of cars. Somehow that seems so 1987.
Still, in the pulsating moments that the kid was boasting of his crimes, his cell phone decided to call 911.
I know that sentence sounds a little like a scene from the CW's quite rivet-free "Supernatural." And no one is quite sure how the phone suddenly spurted into action.
Perhaps the vibrations from the nether regions of the teen, engendered by his excited pride at pulling off the Peoria Job, activated a one-touch button to 911 on the cell phone in his pocket.
But imagine the amusement of the guardians of the law as they enjoyed the feast of felony being described.
You can listen to the call here, courtesy of the Phoenix New Times.
You may enjoy his words when speaking of lifting the stereo: "It took all my energy to lift it out of the car."
Perhaps it took all his gray matter too.
The police kept listening in for quite a while, performed a little signal triangulation and, according to a police spokesperson, actually caught the stereo-stealer with the machine still in his hands.
He was charged with felony vehicle burglary.
It is rumored that the cell phone has been nominated for a police commendation.
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