Sitting on a flight to the Texan outpost of Houston, I was pleased that the person sitting next to me was not a cigar-chomping, deodorant-free KKK member with a penchant for political discourse and the most troubling TV show in world history, "Wipeout."
Half way through the flight, though, I discovered that had my seat companion been of a difficult personal or political persuasion, I will soon be in the position to eliminate them.
You see, I was clutching a copy of the Atlantic Monthly, where I espied a highly stimulating article by future-thinker Jamais Cascio, whose name, like mine, you must never joke about.
He posits a very interesting and near future in which "augmented reality" technology will allow us to have visually displayed before our eyes location-specific data, telling us all sorts of things about those we encounter on a daily basis, whether we actually know them or not.
Apparently, Sony is already working on devices that you will wear like shades, devices that will stream all kinds of fun and fascinating information across your eyes.
"Look! There's a Ralph Nader donor who hasn't washed his shirt in a week!" "And over there! Yes, its the best friend of the mother of that girl who went mad at you for singing 'I Will Survive' at her daughter's wedding!"
Cascio wonders what people will choose to do with these systems, as they will offer excellent defenses against spam.
"Conceivably, users could set AR spam filters to block any kind of unpalatable visual information, from political campaign signs to book covers. Parents might want to block sexual or violent images from their kids' AR systems, and political activists and religious leaders might provide ideologically correct filters for their communities," he said.
He also suggests that we could simply eliminate the presence of people with whom we disagree: "You don't want to see anybody who has donated to the Palin 2012 campaign? Gone, their faces covered up by black circles."
I know some might find this prospect titillating, but I have breaking news on this subject. This augmented reality editing is already happening. It's called California.
Please, come live in my state for a while and see just how deftly people eliminate the mere existence of those who disagree with their views- and I am talking about people from all sides of the social and political spectrum.
Somehow, Californians live in their own mentally gated communities, denying the very presence of those with whom they have a problem and pretending to be in an alternative world, often with a little pot and a large smile for company.
While Cascio hopes for more tolerance and respect, the reality is that augmented reality technology will merely, for once, be following human behavior, rather than leading it by the nose, eyes, and fingers.
Can there possible exist a technology that will make us more reasonable? Now that would be worth investing in. Perhaps I will find some Texans who are already working on it.
In the place where they struck oil, they might, on hearing this news, be struck dumb.
You see, as I wandered through the pages of eBay in search of some fine and modern cooking utensils, I came across something that forced my digestive system to ask questions of my cerebellum.
(Credit:
eBay)
For there (here, indeed) was what seemed to be a brand new Xbox 360 for sale at the most reasonable sum of $1.1 million.
This, as your own cerebellum might be whispering to you, is no ordinary Xbox. For this pristine machine was signed by former governor of Alaska and current literary figure Sarah Palin.
The enervatingly enterprising vendor of this quite frankly priceless technological specimen is David Morrill (that's Morrill, not Imorrill) who claims he resides in Alberta, Canada.
He says he took a trip to Alaska and made sure it coincided with the then-governor's picnic on July 24.
He claims he pushed his way through the crowd to get within sniffing distance of the great Alaskan's hem, told her he had traveled three days just to see her, and asked her to sign his Xbox.
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Whatever your feelings about Sarah Palin, and I defy any sentient being not to have enjoyed some spontaneous reaction at the sight of her, you must admit she is a little different.
Which, to my mind, is the very definition of art.
So I was both moved and unsurprised to discover that her Twitter feed has been deemed to be poetry and set to music.
On NBC's "Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien," Palin's tweets have been given full artistic recognition.
On Wednesday night's show, "Star Trek" legend William Shatner, accompanied by a little percussion and double bass, gave full vocal meaning to the tweeting of the now ex-governor of Alaska.
Never has the phrase "listening to Big and Rich" been given more gravitas.
Then there's perhaps her most Waldo Emerson-esque line: "Consistent rain reminds us- no rain, no rainbow."
Shatner delivers it with a lyricism rarely heard even on the most refined of Broadway stages. I sense a premiere at Carnegie Hall.
On an earlier show, Shatner was called upon to recite her resignation speech.
Oh, it was merely a bit of fun while such media hogs as Ashton Kutcher and CNN were doing it.
But once Oprah became a participant, you knew that Twitter had reached the upper echelons of politics and society.
So please salute Sarah Palin, who has climbed into the Twittering branches and begun to chirp.
Only around 718,000 followers to go before she catches Oprah.
(Credit: CC ASecondHandConjecture/Flickr)Codename AKGovSarahPalin, the governor of Alaska has already used the microblogging service to complain about her staff being misquoted by the iniquitous sleight of word peddled by the Associated Press.
She has already amassed more than 7,000 followers. But far more significant is the joy of examining whose words she has decided to revere with her own technological tiptoeing.
While she bestowed her first follow on the firmly conservative and entertaining Drudge Report, Governor Palin is also following California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, though one can hardly imagine they see even eye-to-thigh on some issues.
While she will naturally hang on every word of conservative charmer Bill O'Reilly, she is also following CNN Breaking News and those somewhat sniffy radicals David Gregory of NBC and ABC's George Stephanopoulos.
One can only imagine the varying degrees of entertaining discourse that will pass across the governor's Twitter page in the days and weeks to come. Thankfully, we are sure to be warned quickly should Russian planes decide to come flying toward us.
She is unquestionably one to be watched in the future. And to be followed, of course.
A company run by Hillary Clinton's fine people-knower, Mark Penn, got together with the highly-regarded Landor Associates, an organization that once came to the enlightening conclusion that "green is the color of reading," to research the relationship between presidential candidates and brands.
It makes for very colorful reading. Purple, to my eyes.
It seems that the respondents, who came from all political shades and who intended to vote, were asked to choose which brand best characterized Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, and Joe Biden.
The brands were from most of the essential categories--cars, coffee, Internet search engine, portable music devices, social networking sites, mobile phone carriers, you know, the essentials.
The survey's results betray a depth of consumer perception that few might have expected.
While Joe Biden and John McCain are both AOL, Barack Obama and Sarah Palin are both, apparently, Google.
The authors of this report suggest that the Google association reflects the personable and youthful nature of both candidates. Which might leave some to wonder whether respondents might have thought that AOL stood for An Old Label.
The candidates were also evenly split when it came to cell-phone brands. Senators Biden and McCain were both AT&T, while the Obama-Palin tandem apparently said to people "Verizon."
Where does that warm and fuzzy conclusion leave the iPhone? Ah, now, the survey is quite definite that Barack Obama is the iPhone. While the other three are Blackberries. No, really.
And you may begin to feel a little more queasy, regardless of your political leanings, when you discover that all four candidates were iPods (you don't see a little Zune in Joe Biden?).
I am fairly confident, however, that there will be metaphorical or, in some cases, physical regurgitation at the conclusion that, when it came to social-networking sites, all four of these fine politicians were MySpace, rather than Facebook.
The authors seem to put this down to MySpace's alleged game-changing nature. But some might think this clear bilge, as even a cadaver could tell you that John McCain is, my friends, a quintessential Friendster.
Now I know that the most important questions for readers, far above "Believer vs. Atheist" and "Desperate Housewives vs. the Discovery Channel," is that huge political issue: "Mac vs. PC."
Please put down your weapons, step away from all sharp objects, blunt instruments, potential projectiles and, um, walls.
Alright, here it is.
Sarah Palin, Joe Biden, and John McCain are, so the people say, all PCs. Yes, just like Sanjay Gupta, Eva Longoria, and the men with beards and glasses.
While the 1,002 voters were tied, yes, their heat was dead, when it came to deciding whether Barack Obama really is a Mac or a PC.
Who would have thought that, should he be elected, the first crisis facing Senator Obama would be an identity crisis?
The NVision Conference, held last week in San Jose, has had such an eye-opening effect on me that I have been unable to sleep.
The things those clever scientific people have come up with make me realize that the world as we know it is no longer the world as we know it.
I was particularly moved to hear about an Israeli company called OptiTex.
Their fashion design optical gizmography is so realistic that designers can observe on screen just how the fabrics will shimmy and shake even before the couture gown has been cut and shaped.
I was struck semi-comatose by the comment from NVidia's Chris Malachowsky that, one day, doctors "will be able to recreate scan data so fast you could see your own heart beating."
I am not terribly sure I ever want to see my heart beating. I am not terribly sure I want to ever witness my innards performing live on screen.
But the fact that I hear this is possible gives me great pause to wonder whether there are already some prototypes out there that these terribly bright scientists haven't told us about.
My first thought descended on both Vice-Presidential candidates. Is there actually any proof that either of them is real?
(Credit:
New Line Cinema)
Please take a very close look at Joe Biden. Is there anything about him that looks even remotely imperfect?
His coiffure is not so much worn as airbrushed. His teeth have surely been based on those of Angelina Jolie. His shirts stay in place longer than Fidel Castro. And his cuff links- well, have you ever seen them rotate even a quarter of an inch?
It is my solemn suspicion that Joe Biden is a creation of one of these companies like NVidia or OptiTex.
I believe that in order to prove their graphic brilliance, one of these forward-thinking scientific corporations has graphically sculpted this perfect candidate and is hologramically projecting their creation all over the United States.
(In fact, they even tried an international experiment by projecting the new Mr. Biden all the way to hostile projectile territory in Georgia only a couple of weeks ago.)
I think this may, therefore, be the reason for Sarah Palin.
Doesn't she just very slightly remind you of the lead character in the movie S1M0ne?
In the movie, everyone wonders who is the astonishingly enticing actress Simone. Just as everyone is wondering today about Sarah Palin.
Simone, it turns out, was actually an abbreviation for Simulation One, the computer program that created her.
Do you not feel just the slightest intuition that the Republican Party, having discovered the Democrats' nifty scheme in creating the perfect Biden (I mean, come on, no gaffes so far, huh?), decided they had to create their own Perfect Vice?
Fortunately, they already had their prototype going through its test in Alaska. All they had to do was a little fiddling with the graphic controls and beam it onto the national stage.
Please consider just how her perfection matches that of Mr. Biden.
The hair is disciplined, but the scientists have just left the suggestion that wildness could break out at any moment. The fingers are perfectly sculpted to wag without effort.
And the matching element to Mr. Biden's cuff links? Why, the rectangular, rimless glasses that maintain their posture with a rigor not seen since a certain vice-presidential candidate upbraided a schoolchild for failing to spell 'potato' in the appropriate manner.
I would prefer it that the creators of these two Virtual Vices come clean about the extent to which they have expressed their talents.
The nation deserves to know what has really been going on.
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