Technically Incorrect

Oh, it was merely a bit of fun while such media hogs as Ashton Kutcher and CNN were doing it.

But once Oprah became a participant, you knew that Twitter had reached the upper echelons of politics and society.

So please salute Sarah Palin, who has climbed into the Twittering branches and begun to chirp.

Only around 718,000 followers to go before she catches Oprah.

(Credit: CC ASecondHandConjecture/Flickr)

Codename AKGovSarahPalin, the governor of Alaska has already used the microblogging service to complain about her staff being misquoted by the iniquitous sleight of word peddled by the Associated Press.

She has already amassed more than 7,000 followers. But far more significant is the joy of examining whose words she has decided to revere with her own technological tiptoeing.

While she bestowed her first follow on the firmly conservative and entertaining Drudge Report, Governor Palin is also following California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, though one can hardly imagine they see even eye-to-thigh on some issues.

While she will naturally hang on every word of conservative charmer Bill O'Reilly, she is also following CNN Breaking News and those somewhat sniffy radicals David Gregory of NBC and ABC's George Stephanopoulos.

One can only imagine the varying degrees of entertaining discourse that will pass across the governor's Twitter page in the days and weeks to come. Thankfully, we are sure to be warned quickly should Russian planes decide to come flying toward us.

She is unquestionably one to be watched in the future. And to be followed, of course.

There they were, two up and coming Senior Vice-Presidents discussing how they would change things if they got the top job.

The top job they were talking about was National CEO.

Barack Obama and the leader of the traditionally snooty, but now trying desperately to be hippish, UK Conservative Party, David Cameron, strolled through the British Parliament last week and didn't mention V for Vendetta once.

Instead, Mr. Cameron told Mr. Obama he should go to the beach. Really.

And Mr. Obama recounted how someone who has already gone through the White House experience told him "the most important thing you need to do is to have big chunks of time during the day when all you're doing is thinking."

Naturally, this made me think of the tech industry. And, in particular, Google, a company that prides itself (or at least did last time I heard) on giving its employees one day a week to associate their mind with something slightly more free than the direct work function.

When Valley companies first came to the notice of those who wore tasseled loafers and tasteless neck adornments, derision was the initial reaction.

These are silly little children, the east coasters would say. They're just playing at business and they will get their fingers burned.

And if they weren't being described as childish, they would receive another damning slice of spittle- they would be accused of being vaguely effeminate.

Yet in the time it takes to flip up their zippers, folks in the more traditional industries were suddenly tucking their golf shirts into their khakis and believing they had found a new freedom. At least on a Friday.

So it makes me wonder just how far Mr. Obama, should he get elected, would adopt the management principles of Silicon Valley rather than those of the Valley of Elah.

This was taken at the British Computer Society Dinner. Should Mr. Cameron be concerned?

(Credit: CC Mark Hillary)

Will we suddenly see a more dressed-down government? (I know Banana Republic, John Varvatos and The Golf Mart are hoping we do.) Might we even see a more direct correlation with the Nine Heavenly Graces that Google's Marissa Mayer laid down in 2006?:

1. Ideas come from everywhere.

Of course, I couldn't possibly comment on how much Google has lived up to these principles. But I am told that at least the company has tried.

And how bad would it really be, for example, if the truly brilliant were all moved to participate in government? Or if 'users, not money' was just an occasional guiding shaft of light?

Sometimes it's hard to parse the truly material parts out of what seems like naive idealism. And the tech industry in general has sometimes suffered, at least in image terms, from its tendency towards idealistic impudence. And impudent idealism. Just as Mr. Obama has suffered for his overt penchant for green tea and his prissish avoidance of trans-fats and beer.

But perhaps Mr. Obama has already shared an audacious and hopeful low-fat biscotti with Messrs. Page and Brin. Perhaps, one day, we might see and hear the results of their ruminations. It would, one imagines, be as revealing as the conversation between Mr. Cameron and Mr. Obama.

It's Sunday. A good time to consider ideals just for a few hours. Why don't you go off to the beach? I understand it will make you a more ideal manager. Or, at least, a better politician.

My heart, or at least some recondite part of me, went out to John McCain this weekend when I read his plaintive words: "I'm an illiterate who has to rely on his wife for any assistance he can get."

He was, I understand, referring to websurfing rather autocue-reading.

And I can honestly say that I feel his pain.

Thankfully, he is, on this page, in the hands of the experienced.

In the early part of this century, I was asked to help a company called Senior Surfers. Senior Surfers' goal was to find easy ways to take the wrinkles out of web-savviness for the wrinkled.

Together with my large-brained planning director, Chris Lydon (who is now a significant cranium at Coke), we talked to many people who had seen a few things.

Funnily enough, they acted as if they hadn't, seeming so relieved that they were now free of all responsibility that I half expected one of the 70-year-old chaps to pull out a condom and make a balloon out of it to impress the ladies.

(Credit: Chris Matyszczyk)

Based on the knowledge gleaned from this eye-opening and, at times, tummy-twisting experience, I would like to offer Mr. McCain a few helpful hints on creating the lasting impression that he rules the internets:

1. Change your name to John MacCain.

This simple and very brand-aware maneuver will allow you, sir, to own the web progressiveness that Apple has so cleverly woven into its brand fabric. Mr. Obama already has the B and M from IBM. And it would only be a small stretch, surely, to refer to him as IBaMa.

2. Log on to Funny or Die daily.

This is a must. Mr. MacCain, your humor has thus far fallen into the indeterminate crack between juvenilia and senilia. My experience with seniors is that they are extremely fond of the juvenile end of the humor continuum.

Which I know will appeal to many voters south of, oh, Detroit. Funny or Die will be an excellent place for you to perfect (or, some would way, learn) timing, delivery and just the right level of puerility.

3. Make your homepage more, you know, cool.

Right now, John Mac, your homepage leads with COUNTRY FIRST. If that's the case, at least tell us whether you're more Alan Jackson or Faith Hill. Tell us whether you've got Julianne Hough's new album on your iPod. You've made a good start with that fabulous Pork Invaders game you have there, except, you know, well, Space Invaders was not, how can I put it, this century. (Was it even the last?)

We all want to know what sites are your faves. Plastic surgery? Plastic surges, perhaps? Maybe this one.

The people will be with you, as long as you update them daily. Don't worry, you have techy-types (don't you?) who'll create the links for you. You just have to do the Googling and to be seen to do the Googling.

4. Stop one of your speeches to read your Blackberry

Rudy Giuliani once stopped a press conference to take a call from his wife and mention 9/11. Not cool. The phone did not look modern. However, you can suddenly pause, perhaps during one of your impromptu 'um, er, is this Salt Lake City or Tehran?' moments and flip out your mobile nerve-killer.

Then, having read (or pretended to) the message, you can look up and say something profound like "The markets are up", "The Dark Knight just broke box office records", or even "My economics class has been moved up to 4.30."

5. Start commenting on Barack Obama's site.

John Mac, listen, Mr. Obama's most recent blog post, about canvassers meeting at a Tampa Dunkin' Donuts, has already got 176 comments as I write these words.

You, John Mac, can go right in there and tell them how it really is. All you have to do is log in. (Use your old name) Everyone reads commenters. Everyone knows they are the true voices of the people. Overnight, you will become like that cool chap on the Apple ads who used to date Drew Barrymore. And Mr. IBaMa will seem like the rotund nerdy one.

You could have these Democrat types eating out of your hands. Thanks to your web-savvy fingers.

Please let me know how it goes, John Mac. We'll be watching you on YouTube. You know, YouTube. Oh, ask your daughter.

As she lurched towards an unfortunate demise in the Democratic Primary election, Hillary Clinton sought out Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg and appeared to blame him for her failure to defeat Barack Obama.

Last week, a Clinton campaign operative placed a phone call to Zuckerberg, choosing a less than optimal time of the morning. When Zuckerberg picked up, the New York Senator came on the line to firmly state her views.

"Mr. Zuckerberg. You and your friendsters- I believe that's the trendy term- are costing me the Presidency," declared the Senator.

"Um, we're Facebook, not Friendster, Ma'an," answered a groggy Zuckerberg.

"I'll be throwing the book at your face when I catch up with you, Sonny. Who the hell do you think you are making it easy for people below the age of political consent to organize?"

"There's an age of political consent?" mumbled a confused Zuckerberg.

"30, you sophomoron!" offered the Senator. "That's what my pollsters told me. 30. Under 30s vote in negligible numbers. Under thirties have sex, take drugs and express naïve altruism. None of these things is compatible with good political judgment. History has proved it."

"History? What's history got to do with politics? Or judgment? Under 30s spend most of their day online, ma'an. In fact, you might not be aware, many under 30s actually have most of their sex online too. Although at Facebook we haven't yet been able to find a great application to help them really enjoy it."

"But you did find a way to let everyone in America give Senator Obama at least $100."

"We did?" asked Zuckerberg, feeling strangely awakened.

"Yes. This social networking thing you're pushing. My staff tells me that's how the Pretty One got most of his money. People in secret networks banding together to make a little go a long way. Like in the Gulags," said the Senator.

"Social networking is where the world's going, ma'an. It's all about sharing and honesty."

"Look, you NetWonker, social networking should be confined to Washington. Only we understand the true meaning of society. And I will pass legislation to that effect when I am elected President," said the Senator, finding new confidence in old words.

"In 2020?"

"In 2020, I'll be the same age as my good friend John McCain. And I will still be the President of the United States. Before campaigning for Chelsea."

"But..."

(Credit: darkpatator)

"As for honesty, it has no place in today's suspicious and dangerous world," lectured the Senator.

"The people on Facebook quite like it. They even post petitions on the site when they think I've done something stupid," whispered Zuckerberg.

"Leaders should never admit to stupidity. My Bill never did."

"Er, OK. And how did that work for him?"

"Look, this isn't a social call, Zucky, I want you to get all your social networkers to even the playing field by giving me as much money as Obama has."

"How do you expect me to do that, ma'an?" asked Zuckerberg, offering a plaintiveness that masked true irritation.

"It's Ma'am, you dolt, Ma'am. Not ma'an. Tell them you're endorsing me and that they should each give a thousand dollars."

"A grand? Why would they do that?"

"Because they're naive and altruistic and believe in fairness and honesty."

Zuckerberg was silent for several seconds.

"And if you do I'll make you the youngest member of my Cabinet," cooed the Senator, the trump card having emerged from her lips like a rose.

"Why would I want to go into politics?" asked Zuckerberg.

"Because I'll pay you well. I made $109 million over the last few years, you know."

"Senator, I'm worth around $6billion."

"That is not possible."

"That's what I said. But it's true," said Zuckerberg, a wan smile illuminating his darkness.

"$6billion. Ah. So, um, listen, er, Marky, how about donating some, or even all, of that? To me? We have one of those website things. HillaryClinton.com."

"Sorry."

"Why not? You're just saying that because I'm a woman."

"No, I'm just saying that because I don't want to."

At this, the Senator wagged a verbal finger of visceral stiffness: "The trouble with you young people today is that you're self-centered cynics who think you're entitled to everything."

"Where did we get that idea?"

"If you don't do what I say, I'll have an Op-Ed in the Washington Post destroying your company within 24 hours," said Clinton, never entirely out of trump cards.

"If you don't get off the phone now, ma'an, and let me get some sleep, I'll post this conversation on my Facebook page."

"You wouldn't do that."

"Senator, have you ever been on Facebook? The fourth-largest group is called 'STOP HILLARY CLINTON.' It has more than a million members. Your own Facebook page has only 158,000."

"You see. You ARE responsible for my winning second place."

"No, Senator. You are. Technology simply makes it easier for people to say what they really want to say and do what they really want to do. And I really want to go to sleep. So I'm gonna push the red button on my phone now. Good night."

"Don't you hang up on me, Sonny Jim," said the Senator, feeling suddenly cardless.

"Senator, it's three in the morning. Red button time."

With that, Zuckerberg rang off. The Senator stayed up until 4am, waiting for him to call back or for another disaster to require her attention. She waited in vain.

The next day, one of her staffers logged on to the Hillary Clinton Facebook page. There was one invitation to play Scrabulous. And one hundred and fourteen to donate to the Obama campaign.