In our steadfast effort to cover all things technologically urgent and culturally important, e.g. the Transformers movie, here is the latest development.
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(Credit: Hasbro)On Monday, McSweeney's, the Web publishing arm of San Francisco author and famous eccentric Dave Eggers, published "A Letter to Optimus Prime from his Geico Auto Insurance Agent," penned by John Frank Weaver. It details the particulars of 27 claims made during the month of June and the parameters of coverage and "reasonable use" for a truck and trailer.
You have to read the original for the riotously strained legalese and in-depth accident reports, but here's the clincher:
"Geico has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by the end of July."
Bumblebee Transformer
(Credit: Hasbro)The new Transformers movie has inspired a surprising degree of lyricism and detailed cinematic analysis for what is, in most respects, a kids' movie about giant robots. Blogospheric commentators used the language of formal cinematic criticism or just let fly with off-the-chain gushing normally seen in 12-year-old boys. In particular, scroll down for the entry from a self-styled "film theologian" who offers his exegesis on parallels between the movie and the scriptural Book of Kings.
Everyone seems to agree that the CGI sets a new record in coolness, the action sequences are numerous and fast-moving, and the new incarnations of the '80s toys trend are, if not completely faithful to the original, a valiant and skillful reinterpretation.
Optimus Prime, the Autobots' leader (i.e. head good guy), apparently stood in for many a boy-child's father figure back in the day--a mighty, noble and nurturing leader with a gigantic, resonant baritone, reflecting tender guidance and rousing the troops to success in battle. In an hour or more of surveying the blogosphere, we found unanimous support for the decision to cast Peter Cullen, who voiced Prime in the early television series.
Check out some of CNET's other Transformers coverage: a photo gallery of related GM vehicles and Hasbro toys, and remarks on exactly how rockin' the toys are.
Ladies and gentlemen, the bloggers:
"Visually, it practically melts your eyeballs. The computer graphics were astonishing, with nearly photo-realistic Autobots and Decepticons that seamlessly integrated with the actors and backgrounds. ... Industrial Light and Magic, who handled the Transformer graphics and whose processing and data storage capabilities were reportedly taken to their limits by the task, certainly earned their paycheck.
Later on in the film, the giant robot-on-robot battles are awe-inspiring- or rather, they would have been, if the camera had been pulled back about 20 feet and kept still for all of 2 seconds. It's almost a shame, as all that hard work was spent on rendering these amazing robots and the director almost seemed to be going out of his way to make them impossible to see in action."
--Long Island Exchange
"When it comes to the eye-absorbing detail, the digital camerawork was too fast. ...With so much detail for the eye to absorb, the camera should slow down a bit. Things happen so fast that the eye can't perceive it, so the brain can't absorb it. This causes the effect of, "Damn, that looked cool, but what the (expletive deleted) just happened?" Two Transformers fighting just becomes a blur..."
--WaldoLand
"I remembered the story in 2 Kings 6, where a servant to the prophet Elisha wakes up to find their city surrounded by a powerful army. "Don't be afraid," the prophet answers. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." In this case, God opens the eyes of the servant who saw "the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha." This look at the real world undoubtedly changed his life and perspective, the realization that the real conflict, unveiled, was far more wondrous and mysterious than he suspected.
To be frank, a hog-nosed Semi truck with painted flames is FAR less wondrous than a heavenly army, even if it DOES transform into a giant robot with a voice like Abraham Lincoln meets John Wayne. Still, I think the idea of these "robots in disguise" intrigues us because it's a little flicker of our metanarrative, in disguise."
--Cinemagogue (Pastor James Harleman)
Hasbro's Bumblebee can convert into a 14:1 scale Camaro
(Credit: Hasbro)The Transformers movie produced by Stephen Spielberg opens Wednesday, July 4, and we're still not sure who's most excited.
Is this a movie for the children, or the children of the '80s who are going to let their nostalgia for Autobots and Decepticons lead them down the toy and car aisles?
General Motors has gotten in on the act with a whole line of Transformers vehicles for adults, while Hasbro has toys for the kids.
The film industry seems to be targeting Generation Xers, who are now themselves becoming parents, with a slew of resurrections, and the toy companies are right on board with the gadgets.
Recently, Hasbro announced that it signed an agreement with Lucasfilm to be the toy purveyor of all things Indiana Jones next May 2008 when theaters will present the fourth installment of the movie series about everyone's favorite archeology professor. (Remember, these are the same folks who brought you Harrison Ford as Han Solo.)
Variety reported earlier this month that Warner Brothers Studios plans to release ThunderCats, a movie about the human-cat hybrid superheroes, and that Paramount is developing an action movie based on the Hasbro G.I. Joe toys.
There's certainly no shortage of hype surrounding this summer's Transformers movie, but one of its stars has hinted that it may end up having an unlikely main attraction: an iPod-like character.
Citing an MTV News interview with actor Josh Duhamel, iLounge says an iPod-resembling bot could steal the show. "It's pretty cool. It's like this crazy little 12-inch iPod that turns into this little killing machine," he's quoted as saying.
It's apparently possible that he was talking about a villain that changes from a robot into a tape deck. If it's an 8-track, we can understand why it would have anger issues.
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