According to InformationWeek, Microsoft has finally come clean and admitted its Vista mistakes (tip o' the antlers to Daring Fireball).
But what's an admission of guilt without spreading some blame around?
Microsoft (NSDQ: MSFT) is now acknowledging it screwed up with its initial launch of Windows Vista, and is ready to try again.
Oh. OK. So, wait, Windows will be five years late instead of four now? Huh? How's this going to work exactly? Has it used its vast resources to somehow turn time back?
"We broke a lot of things."
We broke your applications. We broke your hardware. We broke your collectible figurines. We broke your Aunt Elma's hip...
"We know that, and we know it caused you a lot of pain."
Particularly Aunt Elma.
"It got customers thinking, hey, is Windows Vista a generation we want to get invested in?"
Yes. They're thinking that. A year and a half after Vista's launch. That's awkward, isn't it?
If only there were some other operating system...
So Brad Brooks, Microsoft's VP of Windows Vista consumer marketing, fessed up publicly this week.
Wow, bummer detail you pulled there, Brad.
"Say, Brad, this thing you're going to do at our Partner Conference next week... are you familiar with the Japanese tradition of seppuku? Here's an informative pamphlet."
Speaking at a keynote address at Microsoft's annual Worldwide Partner Conference, Brooks signified that Microsoft was ready to admit mistakes and reposition itself to tell a better story about Windows Vista...
Yes! Because it's all about the "story" about Vista. Well, a minute ago it was about breaking things. But sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make a story omelette. Or something.
"You thought the sleeping giant was still sleeping, well we woke it up and it's time to take our message forward," Brooks said.
We didn't think it was so much "sleeping" as we thought it was "lumbering". Lumbering drunkenly down the hall smashing things and blaming everyone else when it woke up in a pile of its own filth.
In the coming weeks and months, Microsoft will launch a huge advertising campaign that's been reported to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars.
Finally! Yes, please, Microsoft, make the pain go away through the power of marketing!
"We've got a pretty noisy competitor out there," Brooks said of Apple whose "I'm a Mac... and I'm a PC," commercials criticize Windows Vista. ... "We're going to start countering it. They tell us it's the iWay or the highway. We think that's a sad message."
"iWay or the highway"? Microsoft must buy its tone-deafness in bulk from Costco or something. "I know our slogans are meaningless and our product names are vapid, but we got a great deal on them!"
Overall, the message Microsoft hopes to impart is that Windows Vista is ready, and that Microsoft will no longer take a back seat while word of mouth and Apple drive negative messaging about the company and Windows.
Look, the Macalope has actually been somewhat sympathetic to Vista. It's got a good security model -- certainly better than Leopard's as poor Brad rightly notes -- and a decent enough user experience. And he knows the audience was Microsoft partners who are looking for any kind of help they can get to mask the smell of Vista flop sweat.
But Microsoft made its bed by over-promising for six years and then delivering an OS that forced a lot of uncomfortable decisions. Marketing isn't going to clean this mess up. The horny one really isn't sure what is, frankly, but the "Get a Mac" ads aren't responsible for businesses choosing to stick with XP. Microsoft is.
The InformationWeek piece portrays this as an "about time" move, but this is more "my dog ate it" territory.
UPDATE: some delightfully shrill piling on can be found here and here.
Someone in Apple marketing deserves a gold star for advertising a free seminar on OS X Client Management on InfoWorld's email newsletter.
It's possible this ad buy was simply the product of thinking "Oh, InfoWorld = enterprise, let's advertise there", but InfoWorld has also become the online champion of the SAVE XP!!! campaign, also known as "OMFG, who could have possibly foreseen that Microsoft would kick its clients in the nuts like this?!" or Vista Affectedness Disorder (VAD) for short. This leads to the serendipitous confluence in today's email blast of an ad for how to smooth deployment of Macs in your enterprise followed by the top story which is Last Call for Windows XP is mid-June.
Michael Gartenberg rightly notes that the important thing coming out of Monday isn't going to be hardware, it's going to be the iPhone as a platform for development. The horny one may have prematurely poo-pooed (and we all know how unfortunate prematurely poo-pooing can be) the impact of the iPhone on greasing Apple's skids into the business market a few weeks ago. He's since heard it really is opening doors that were previously shut.
So, the Macalope would not at all be surprised to see more details of Apple's enterprise strategy revealed on Monday and it's why he's bullish on the "Snow Leopard" rumors. After all, there's gold in them thar cubes.
David Card on Microsoft's plans for Windows 7.
So, apparently, the 2009-2010 version of Windows will still not have the next-gen file system I was writing about more than 10 years ago -- when "Cairo" was the lead codename -- let alone a microkernel with modules for OS "personalities" and compatibility.
You're gonna fend off Google and cloud computing with a touch screen?? Good luck. I do hope there's a skunkworks Plan B in the labs. No wonder buying Yahoo "isn't strategic."
Also amusing is the Microsoft reaction to Tiger's search capabilities.
The Macalope had to do a double take at this piece on eWEEK that argues that a well-rounded IT background should include knowledge of the Mac.
An article on Macs in business that reasonably lays out the pro case?
A quote about religion that is about Microsoft instead of Apple?
A reporter who didn't get a quote from Rob Enderle?
A planet where apes evolved from man?!
"There is almost a religious belief by existing IT staff in the Windows religion, and it's a symbiotic relationship: They keep getting Microsoft certifications and they keep telling their bosses to continue buying Windows," Technology Business Research analyst Ezra Gottheil told eWEEK.
Ezra, you're lucky you're not in the same room as the Macalope right now, because he wants to sweep you up and give you a great big hug and that would be embarrassing for both of us.
Probably more so for you.
Definitely for you.
But it's true. Mac home users are constantly derided as some kind of "cult", completely in thrall to Steve Jobs. But it's Microsoft that has created an entire church, with priests, acolytes and altar boys (also known as "Access developers").
Though consumer and enterprise technologies function in largely separate universes guided by wildly different demands, the uptick in Mac use puts pressure on enterprises to allow employees to use what they're used to.
Well, the Macalope doesn't know about that. Since when does corporate IT care about your needs?
Since never, that's when.
What does make a difference is when the IT professionals themselves get sick and tired of Microsoft's licensing requirements or Dell's build quality and try using the Mac. You know this guy, right? After years of dismissing the Mac, he's all, "Boy, it turns out Macs aren't so bad after all! Boy, if it hadn't been for those obnoxious Mac users who keep saying how great they are, I would have converted years ago! It's obviously their fault and not because I'm a pig-headed ignoramus!"
Mmm-hmm.
Well, whatever these people tell themselves in the mirror, the horny one has seen an increasing number of these once-straight IT professionals who are now taking a walk on the wild side.
OK, that may not have been the best analogy.
"I've spoken to IT directors who have liked many things about Macs, but the rarity of Mac technicians and the commonness of Windows skills was an issue for them," said Kay.
For "issue" you may feel free to read "excuse".
Until Microsoft refuses to give companies loopholes that allow them to use XP and Microsoft to claim it as a Vista sale, there's probably going to be little movement toward the Mac. It's a down economy, so corporations aren't exactly chomping at the bit to undertake a big software and/or hardware conversion. They're content to sit on XP.
Again, the Macalope's not sure he necessarily agrees with the entire premise. Sure, there's little doubt that some companies are going to give the Mac a try, but it's not going to be a wholesale switching. There's too much investment and cultural bias to overcome for substantial movement to happen. Still, this piece was a pleasant change from the usual claptrap we've been forced to endure.
There is seriously something wrong at Microsoft (tip o' the antlers to David Chartier on the Twitter).
Poor Microsoft.
No, really.
OK, stop that. Stop that snickering.
OK, well, just a little snickering. Go ahead.
OK, done now?
OK.
But, look, they really have a tough job. Apparently -- and who could have predicted this? -- there's a cost to being everything to everyone. The Macalope doesn't envy them. They have a gazillion different users with a gazillion different requirements and hundreds (thousands?) of hardware manufacturers they have to get their software to satisfy those requirements on.
Suddenly the Apple method of making the whole enchilada doesn't seem so bad now does it?
So, again, please tell the Macalope how Apple desperately needs to license the Mac OS, because facing the choice of continuing to wrestle with this unmanageable hydra or breaking it apart into multiple code bases as Gartner is suggesting just sounds awesome.
Of course, it's not to say that Microsoft should necessarily jump on this advice. Gartner, you may recall, is the firm that famously said Apple should get out of the hardware business (albeit by licensing to only Dell).
Go back and read the arguments Gartner put forth. They seemed laugh-out-loud funny then and are even funnier now. So let's just say that not all of Ma Gartner's sons are business geniuses.
It seems that Microsoft's Scott Rockfeld was talking some smack about the iPhone at the London launch of Windows Mobile 6.1.
"We are not at all worried. We think we've got the one mobile platform you'll use for the rest of your life."
"Here lies Ted. He used Windows Mobile." Yeesh. Thanks for the creepy marketing campaign, Microsoft.
However Rockfeld was quick to dash Apple's hopes of dominating the smartphone market...
Uh, that should probably be "quick to try to dash Apple's hopes". The Macalope expects that if one were to drive over to One Infinite Loop right now, Steve Jobs wouldn't exactly be sobbing into his falafel.
"They are not going to catch up", he said before reminding us that Microsoft shifted more licences of its mobile platform than RIM and Apple did handsets put together last year.
"Shifted" should probably have been "shipped" there [in comments, shedside indicates that this is a Britishism] but, knowing Microsoft and how it uses its channels, maybe "shifted" is right. "Watch the lady! Watch the lady!"
But what's wrong with that statistic Rockfeld's running up the flag pole there? Well, he kind of sort of left out the fact that the iPhone didn't ship until mid-way through 2007.
If you look at the fourth quarter -- you know, the most recent quarter we have data for -- you'll see that Microsoft had 12% of the global smartphone market, RIM had 11% and Apple had 7%. And, the last time the Macalope checked, 11 + 7 = 18 and 18 is greater than 12 (please feel free to check his math).
Plus, the iPhone is already ahead of Windows Mobile in the U.S., all on its lonesome. And the iPhone was only getting started globally in the 4th quarter and is still only available in a handful of countries.
So, the Macalope doesn't know about it "catching up" -- maybe Apple has no plans to bring the iPhone to other countries, or maybe Apple's just a-scared of Microsoft and is getting out of the smartphone business soon -- but where and when both WIndows Mobile and the iPhone are available, the iPhone is winning hands down.
You can't fault Rockfeld for gilding the lily a bit. That's his job. But it's worth pointing out that it's not based in reality.
Yesterday, Computerworld brought us 5 reasons to ditch the Mac and return to PCs (tip o' the antlers to John Gruber via e-mail). And, sadly, they weren't April foolin' us.
Listen, then, Mac user to the tale of one "Mac fan" who switched... back! (Please shoot the Macalope now.)
So while Apple's sales continue to grow, Keanini decided to buck the trend, and gave up on his most recent Apple machine, an Intel dual-core based MacBook Pro.
That seems like kind of a waste since he could have just used Boot Camp to run Windows on it, but whatever.
"I am all PC at home and at work now, because frankly, if I'm not working, I'm gaming. And the Mac doesn't have games," Keanini said, though his household still has three Apple machines in use by other family members.
One really wonders why Keanini switched to the Mac in the first place. It's not as if it was a great gaming platform back in 2001, when he says he first started using Macs.
It's easy to fall in love with the aluminum cases used in Mac hardware and the slick interface design of the Mac OS X, Keanini said. Those are two reasons why more people are moving to Apple products...
This article is really confusing. Are we talking about home users or business users? Because home users can certainly be excused for making decisions based on the "It's shiny!" index, but businesses cannot.
A cynical person would say that it sounds like the business decisions at Keanini's company were based first on his inclination to be distracted by shiny objects and are now being based on his desire to play games.
Fortunately, the Macalope is not so cynical.
"My rule is to find the technology that makes your company most productive and be honest with yourself about it," he said. "Don't bring religion into it."
And here we all thought that if we just prayed to Steve Jobs harder, Macs could magically run vertical applications in the insurance industry or legacy accounting packages or MS Project.
But according to Tim, that doesn't work. Thanks for clearing that up, Tim!
- Work-arounds waste time
Dur-hey.
"Everything is going to be a little bit different, and that little difference in everything eventually adds up," Keanini said.
No, Tim, not everything is going to be a little bit different. If you rely on the most proprietary of Microsoft technologies, obviously you're going to have problems, but Macs connect to Active Directory networks, run Citrix, connect to printers, hell, they even run Windows for crying out loud! Arrgh.
One company engineer woke up Keanini the night before presentation slides were due for a conference, his voice cracking with stress, because his slides -- exported from Apple's Keynote presentation application to Microsoft PowerPoint -- looked nothing like they had on the Mac.
Yeah! They probably looked like crap! Which would cause any sane person to ask why the hell he was exporting them to PowerPoint in the first place instead of just plugging a Mac into the projector, but not Keanini. He reminds the Macalope of Ned Flanders' beatnik parents when they said "We've tried nothing and we're all of out ideas!"
You may become quite attached to a Windows application or two and decide that Apple doesn't have a comparable equivalent. Apple is well known for creating user-friendly applications, but for Keanini, Microsoft has a lead with at least one program: OneNote,, which he uses for personal information management.
Well, if Keanini loves OneNote so much why doesn't he marry it?
Seriously, so Keanini's got this One Application He Just Can't Live Without™ that doesn't exist on the Mac. So, yes, maybe the Mac is no longer for him, if it ever was in the first place. The Mac doesn't need to be for everyone, you know. But Keanini seems to have attached a awful lot of emotional value to this one application that takes notes. One might even say he seems religious about it.
Hmm!
Frankly, the Macalope had never even heard of OneNote before (and despite the Classic Mac head, he does have experience with the typical Microsoft enterprise) so he took a look at it on Wikipedia.
Agh! Oh. Uh, looks great, Tim. That's a... handsome application you have there. The Macalope is sure the two of you will be very happy together.
"The designers of Mac -- again, this is their priesthood...
WE GET IT ALREADY.
... are not thinking about letting their users go," Keanini said. "It's like Hotel California: They are not expecting you to leave."
I'm sure the members of the Mac-using community would be more than happy to help pack your bags, Tim.
Companies that move over to the Mac OS X should expect to spend a lot of time converting data if they decide to move back to Windows, Keanini said.
???
And you didn't have to convert anything to go from Windows to the Mac? Do you even hear yourself talking?
"Today, companies need to be thinking about interoperability," he said. "It's the users' data, not the vendor's data."
Well said! Say, Tim, let's take a look at some of the items on the list of Key Shortcomings on the Microsoft OneNote Wikipedia page:
- Limited generic export capability or API functionality.
- OneNote 2007 notebooks, sections, and pages cannot be opened within OneNote 2003 and cannot be converted to OneNote 2003 format, thereby limiting the ability of different users with different versions to interact.
Cough.
People in glass houses, Tim.
Aluminum cases make MacBook Pro laptops, like the one Keanini chose, very sleek. But, Keanini said, the focus on design overlooked the fact that the computers throw off a lot of heat; so much so that he found he could not use the computer on his lap.
Well, now, that's just sissy talk.
OK, fine, a thin laptop is more likely to put the heat of the processor closer to your skin. So Keanini would rather lug around "a monster" than wear pants (the Macalope hears casual days at Tim's company are wild). To each his own.
"The religion made me blind," he said.
Twas not religion made you blind, Tim. Twas that world-class wankery you're practicing there.
Ultimately, it's Keanini's and his company's business which platform they use, but this list simply isn't a practical set of advice. There are reasons to switch to the Mac other than "it's shiny". For all the claims of lost productivity, there's a counter-argument to be made for gained productivity. And Keanini's "tale" doesn't even make any sense. Sure, it's got a beginning, middle and end (Computerworld's Robert Lemos is a reporter, but what he really wants to do is direct!), but it stretches our suspension of disbelief.
Also, the audience should have some empathy for the protagonist. Keanini generated zero empathy with this viewer. Again, if the Macalope were cynical, he'd be inclined to say that his farcical tale and repeated use of Artie MacStrawmanisms were designed simply to get his company mentioned in the press.
Actually, you know what? He is that cynical. That's probably exactly what this is about.
The horny one--the guy with a Mac for a head!--has repeatedly said the Mac is not for every person or for every business. But please spare him your jacktastic reverse switcher tales with the clownish religious references. They sicken him.
Poor Rob. In August of 2005 he writes Blu-Ray Wins or Nothing Does.
Wow! Rob Enderle FTW, right?! Unbelievable! A, uh, well, 50-50 shot but he nails it from outside the 3-point line!
Eh, not so much.
Sadly Rob can't leave a good thing alone. Because in December of 2006 he changed his mind: Optical HD Battle May Be Over: HD DVD Wins (tip o' the antlers to John Muir).
Rob's reasoning? HD DVD is cheaper and Microsoft backs it.
Bzzzzzt.
Rob Enderle: snatching defeat from the jaws of victory since...
Well, how old is he?
Boy, those Mac users sure are shrill with their knee-jerk vitriolic hate of Vista, aren't they?
vista is sh*t.
Really MS needs to can that sh*t.
Vista is a pointless waste of processing power and space.
Not only is Vista crap but so is the company.
Vista is bloated, expensive and buggy as hell.
Oh, wait. Those are XP users.
And here the Macalope thought the only unwashed masses on the Internet who stoop to foul language and loutish comments were those cultish Mac zealots.
