The Macalope: An Apple blog

In a review of Apple's quarterly post-conference call beating on the market (yawn, SEEN IT), ZDNet's Adrian Kingsley-Hughes hits upon a gem of an idea while musing on the much-discussed upcoming "product transition".

Revamped AppleTV that's App Store compatible - Give the AppleTV a Wii Remote-like controller and it's ready to bring Super MonkeyBall to the world.

Let's ignore the fact that Apple's sold more iPhones and iPods touch ("iPod touches" just sounds wrong) than Apple TVs so Super Monkey Ball already reaches a wider audience. And let's also ignore the fact that this doesn't completely describe a transition to a lower-margin product. Instead, let's run with the remote controller idea. Because the remote controller is already in your hand.

It's the iPhone and the iPod touch. Both have the accelerometer and already act as a menu remote with Apple's Remote app. Rolling out the App Store to the Apple TV is a fabulous idea that could really add legs to an otherwise average device. Upscale the graphics and you're good to go. Game makers can create their own remote applications, allowing them to configure the buttons any way they like. Sure, there are some problems with that. Games may be a very good example of an instance where a physical button can be the difference between virtual life or death ("I thought I was pressing 'fire' and instead I was pressing 'night vision goggles'."), but the screen real estate on the iPhone and iPod touch is expansive enough that large virtual buttons could make up for this.

This is all pie-in-the-sky at this point. Maybe the product transition is an Apple TV/iPod touch bundle. Maybe it's lowering the cost of the iPod touch to where it's viably priced as a remote control.

More likely it's none of these things, but if Apple isn't going in this direction, maybe it should be.

Adrian Kingsley-Hughes points to piece that all too well demonstrates the tendency to take unfortunate events and draw irrational conclusions. In this case, the implication is that the death of a British Columbia man who was hit by a falling helicopter could have been averted if he hadn't been wearing his iPod.

Kingley-Hughes says

Now, I don't know about you, but iPod or no iPod, I really don't expect to be crushed horribly from above by a wildly flailing helicopter when picking up my mail. On top of that, I really don't fancy my chances of dodging an inbound chopper whether I was wearing earphones or not.

Indeed.

It's not exactly as if earphones were invented with the iPod. Old people have been railing against the evils of "that damned racket" since before the Sony Walkman was introduced.

There are certainly good personal health reasons to keep the audio piped into your ears to a reasonable volume, but retaining your ability to dive, John McClane-style, out of the path of an incoming helicopter is not one of them.

The big news today is the rumor (wait, "news"... "rumor"... is that an oxymoron?) that Apple is in talks with the record companies (wait, do they make "records" anymore?) over subscription and so-called "comes with music" plans.

Chances are, like most of these rumors, any number of the details are wrong. Indeed, these rumors hardly ever come out of Apple so they must be coming out of the recording industry. That's why it sounds so much like recording industry porn. "Apple's gonna pay us $7,000 for every iPod they sell!" It shouldn't be surprising such talks are going on, though.

While some people swear by them, the Macalope has never been a fan of all-you-can-eat services. He'd rather pay less and get to keep, you know, the music that's actually good. But, of course, the Macalope's already got seven or so iPods. Apple's already got his business. If you're a subscription service nut, you probably don't have an iPod. Or, at least, you don't have seven. And Apple wants you to have seven. They're kookie that way.

Further, even if the recording companies' 5-year business plan reads "Keep acting like petulant children", Apple has to do something to get them back to the table. iTunes continues to defy the nay-sayers because the kids love one-stop shopping and convenience, but you can't sit still and expect to wear your big "We're #1!" foam hand without it becoming painfully ironic. The industry apparently won't give Apple access to its catalog DRM-free, so it needs to find another way to push the envelope.

Not the envelope with the MacBook Air in it. That's a different envelope.

Remember, Apple's goal is to push iPods and iPhones, not sell songs. And now its challenge is to keep turning over rocks to find more buyers.

Not that the Macalope is saying subscription music fans live under rocks.

They actually live in caves!

ZDNet's Larry Dignan provides a great counterpoint to the recent "angst" over Apple.

Despite the year to date stock chart (right) Apple's business isn't exactly limping along. Sure you can worry about the iPhone not selling 10 million units, or iPod profit margins and even whether the MacBook Air is that big of a deal. But what's the point? Until proven otherwise most of us would love to have Apple's business.

The Macalope has given Dignan a hard time in the past, but this piece is eminently reasonable, raising the issues and providing a retort to each. As they say, read the whole thing.

The Macalope was certain that the whining would be swift and furious over Apple charging $20 for the same software features iPhone users get for free. As Adrian Kingsley-Hughes so brilliantly puts it:

Come on Steve, give your biggest fans a break.

Yeah!

$20 is awfully steep to add a little functionality to the iPod touch - functionality that already exists for the iPhone.

Yeah!

... I feel that this is going too far.

Yeah! Unlike all the other times Adrian writes about Apple!

Or not!

Whatever!

Well, dear reader, if you're experiencing a bit of deja vu over this, it's probably because we've seen this before. Which, not coincidentally, is what "deja vu" means in French.

Again, yes, Apple could give the update to iPod touch users for free just like their iPhone-using brethren, but they'd have to open past accounting periods and restate their financials. 802.11n? Any of this ringing a bell?

Not with Adrian, apparently.

The short story for those who got to class late is Apple must charge for substantial enhancements to products that do not have revenue recognized on a subscription basis or it has to restate prior earnings. The iPod touch does not have revenue recognized on a subscription basis. The iPhone does. As does the Apple TV. Hence, they get free updates and the iPod touch does not.

It's a somewhat complicated accounting convention and perhaps you can argue that the iPod touch revenue should also have been recognized on a subscription basis, but then it raises the question as to whether or not all iPods should have their revenue recognized that way and pretty soon it all devolves into communism and everyone's getting everything for free and even Randy Newman doesn't want that.

So you can't argue that Apple shouldn't charge for the update. It's too late.

You do have some recourse, however.

If you think $20 is too much, don't buy the upgrade.

Sure looks like it's worth it to the Macalope, though.

By now you're surely read the big news -- Time Capsule backup device, a strong iPhone update, movie rentals with an accompanying Apple TV update and the ultra light MacBook Air -- so the Macalope won't rehash it.

It's a solid follow-up to last year's Keynote which was a tough act to follow. You can't get a new iPhone every year, but the MacBook Air comes pretty darned close.

One thing the horny one will call out is that Fox's Jim Gianopolus is one entertainment industry executive who seems to "get it" (as far as that's possible for entertainment industry executives). He hit on some key points the Macalope's been hot on for a while: people want a one-stop shop that's easy to use that lets them watch their media anywhere.

Sure, you can quibble over the 24 hour time limit for viewing and you can bitch, bitch, bitch about only being able to watch a movie on one device at a time, and you can moan and whine and cry yourself to sleep over the price or whatever detail you want to gripe about.

But it's still a killer offering. All the major studios, HD content, download directly to an Apple TV, watch content on all your devices, iTunes versions on DVDs... These are notable for the stark contrasts they draw to what the music business had been doing. Now there's a compelling solution.

Congratulations, Stacie Somers of San Diego County! You're the first jackass of 2008!

Well, OK, technically, since the suit was filed on December 31, you're the last jackass of 2007. But as it's already prompted some very silly analysis that we'll have to deal with this year, we're going to put it on the 2008 books, nnkay?

The tip o' the old antlers on this one goes to a friend of the Macalope's who happens to be a lawyer (and a woodland gnome, incidentally), who forwards it on with the one-word summary "Crazy."

Well put, woodland gnome!

So, what's your beef, Stace?

It alleges that Apple has constricted the market by not enabling iPods to play content in the Windows Media Audio (WMA) format, Microsoft's copy-protection technology.

And how! This reminds the Macalope of the time he successfully sued Sony for using the Memory Stick instead of SD. And then the time he successfully sued Microsoft for using FAT32 instead of HFS. And then the time he successfully sued Hamilton-Beach because their cone-filter coffee maker only takes, well, cone filters.

The Macalope likes flat-bottom filters. They're flatter. On the bottom.

The suit contends iPod-owning consumers can only buy music from iTunes, an unlawful tie-in that violates U.S. antitrust laws.

Boy, that sure is true! It sure would be nice if we could buy music to play on our iPods from some other place -- like, say, a popular online retailer or an independent-friendly MP3 site.

Too bad.

Boo, Apple.

Down with our evil, oppressive overlord Steve Jobs.

Uh, yeah.

Well.

Good luck, Stacie Somers of San Diego County!

But you say, "Macalope, our system of jurisprudence is not based on luck, but on well-reasoned arguments based on the code of law and legal precedent!"

That is why the Macalope says: good luck, Stacie Somers of San Diego County!

ZDNet's Adrian Kingsley-Hughes wonders, will Apple every fully embrace DRM-free music?

Causing the Macalope to wonder, will this raging headache right between the antlers ever stop?

Musing on the recording industry's current penchant for only selling DRM-free tracks through stores other than Apple's Kingsley-Hughes says:

While I can't see this having an effect on iPod sales, a decline in iTunes sales could ding Apple's profits, which in turn might mean that it has to get with the 21st century and throw away the digital shackles and compete openly.

You really haven't been paying any attention at all, have you, Adrian.

Despite the iTunes Store's market share, it's still there to drive hardware sales, not the other way around.

Some have taken this post as a slam of Apple - it's not.

Uh, right. Implying Apple's living in the 20th century, that it has to use "shackles" to sell its products and stating it doesn't want to "compete openly" (as if everyone else does) certainly couldn't be misconstrued as anything other than complimentary.

However, Apple/Steve Jobs have in recent months claimed to be anti-DRM...

For the record, that was in February.

...but not managed to offer a complete DRM-free catalog and have blamed the music industry for this. However, Amazon's MP3 store shows that the music industry is obviously interested in offering DRM-free music ... so why not through iTunes?

Uh, because the industry won't let them? Because the recording companies woke up one day and realized they were no longer in the business of music distribution because everyone was using a new distribution channel and that their supposed "value add" of selecting which music would actually be distributed was now not only irrelevant but actually a nuisance because they continue to pick utter crap and, in a vain attempt to salvage some sense of their relevance, they're trying to knock the new market leader off its perch?

The Macalope has written of the willful obtuseness of the ZDNet blogger but Kingsley-Hughes turns it into an art form.

Back here on planet Earth, however, the simple truth is that the initial contracts between the industry and Apple were to supply DRM-ed music through iTunes. Now the industry is conspicuously avoiding renegotiating those contracts in a deliberate effort to reduce the iTunes Store's market position. As Michael Gartenberg said, they're trying to poke Apple with a sharp stick. They're not interested in sales -- they clearly haven't been for years -- they're just trying to be the biggest jackasses they can because that's the only thing they know how to do.

Is there any other rational explanation behind the brilliant ideas these clowns come up with? Message to customers: "We hate you!" Well, message received.

Now that the kid gloves are off and the RIAA has changed its story so that ripping a CD is no longer kosher, the Macalope looks forward to the RIAA's suit against some high-profile CD rippers. [UPDATE: Looks like the Washington Post story was bad. They've issued a correction.] Like, say, President Bush. In for a penny, in for a pound, right boys and girls?

Bring it on, indeed.

The RIAA is like an angry drunk who just got let go from the factory, lashing out at anyone and everyone in arm's reach. Only a ZDNet blogger couldn't see that.

Does anyone know what the hell they're putting in the water cooler over at ZDNet?

Because.... damn.

Larry Dignan (does anyone know which one is Larry in that picture? Is he the sysadmin, the college professor or the metrosexual? [UPDATE: In comments, Larry says he's the sysadmin. Who had sysadmin in the pool?]) has seen the future, friends! And the future is...

ZUNE!

Actually, the Macalope suspects that Dignan drank a few too many Zimas and fell asleep watching Superman II and the line "You will bow down before Zod! You, and one day, your heirs!" seeped into his brain stem and festered like a Ceti eel and he's just trying to get it out.

Yes, the Macalope knows he's mixing his sci fi movie references.

At any rate, Dignan seems to have awaken with fevered visions of a future where the Zune rules supreme.

However, the Zune's big breakthrough came courtesy of Apple, which bet entirely on music and video downloads. The company's reluctance to offer a subscription service turned consumers away from the iPod...

Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, wait, he's serious.

Yes, the Macalope has long heard about how subscription and ad-based music systems vill take over ze virld! And so far the leading player and store have neither.

Maybe people really want subscription services. The Macalope doesn't, but maybe everyone else does. The problem is, no one apparently cares enough to give up cool hardware that works better in order to get it. Dignan's apocalyptic vision for the iPod's future fails to address this.

Meanwhile, Department of Justice proceeding against the iPod/iTunes link hampered decision making at Apple.

Uh-huh. Just like it did with Microsoft and Windows leading to its complete overthrow in the operating system market and...

Wait, what?

Dignan is clearly no Hiro Nakamura. Or maybe he is and just hasn't realized that the future he's jumping to is an evil future where everything has gone completely haywire and Microsoft is run by Sylar.

Hey, it could happen.

Well, in the world of Zune fan fiction.

Back to Dignan's future.

According to a new report from the NPD Group, a leading consumer and retail information company, sales of Microsoft's Zune are outpacing Apple's iPod by a 5 to 1 margin.

But then Steve Jobs saved the cheerleader and reality was restored.

The End.

Boy, and they have the nerve to call us craaaazy zealots?

Sure, the Zune is getting better and, sure, Microsoft has deep pockets. But the Zune's got a pretty big hole to dig itself out of and drawing little pictures on the back of it isn't going to cut it.

Let's face it: the only real way Dignan's silly vision of the future comes to pass is after the headlines read "STEVE JOBS RETIRES".

But if we're playing Dignan's game, all we have to do is stand Peter Petrelli next to Jobs for a minute so he can pick up his reality distortion field and then...

Oh, great, now the Macalope's doing it!

DIIIIIIIGNAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!