(Credit:
CNET Networks)
According to a new survey released today, about 60 percent of the Canadian workforce is making personal use of their office printer.
The survey, conducted by Angus Reid Strategies for Samsung Electronics revealed that a large majority of Canadians who work in offices with high volume laser printers aren't using them for memos and work-related e-mails, but rather for personal letters, color photos, and even *gasp* resumes! The study breaks down the percentage of people that print out random documents:
(Percentage (out of 100 percent) of people surveyed)
I think it's safe to assume that the reason for all this work-printer abuse is because of the consensus that printers are simply too expensive to maintain. After all, why pay for an expensive toner cartridge or inkjet when your company is willing to foot the bill?
Well, for starters, using the company printer for your own personal needs is an unethical use of work supplies. I'm certainly not playing moral police here, and I've definitely used the office printer to print a few e-mails and online articles, but there's simply no reason to print personal photos and resumes at work, namely because printers today are wildly affordable, even for homes on a strict budget.
The price for print cartridges is also much lower than it's ever been. Considering the average cost of paper and inks (that now come in XL capacities), today's standard photo print only costs between $0.25 to $0.35 to print. If you print out an inordinate amount (you know how much is too much) of documents on the company dime, it's time to consider a printer for the home--you might be surprised at the low price of workplace integrity.
This might have been more timely a week or two ago, but there's always Boss's Day (October 16th in case you were wondering) and the inevitable birthday. Regardless of the occasion, giving and receiving gifts are typically joyous experiences for both parties.
But when it comes to an employee giving his or her boss a gift, well, let's just say there might be a whole lot more going on there than meets the eye.
Your boss will likely think you're sucking up; dysfunctional executives love that sort of thing. But in fact, you're sending a message. And whether it's out in the open or subtly or even not-so-subtly hidden is entirely up to you. In any case, here are some novel suggestions for the nutcase boss on your gift list.
Blood pressure monitor
(Credit: A&D Medical)Blood pressure monitor. Ostensibly because you care about him or her, giving this to your Type A boss is really about your own health. Maybe when his blood pressure hits 160/100 he'll stop ranting and raving at you and go out and take a walk or something.
Controlling People by Patricia Evans
(Credit: Steve Tobak)Book on controlling people. Bosses are always trying to get employees to read books and take classes to improve their skills. Why not the other way around? It's a great way to send a not-so-subtle message about what you think of their behavior. This is one of my favorites.
Market analysis tool
(Credit: Steve Tobak)High-tech market analysis tool. Decision-making for dysfunctional executives is often more about their emotional state or superstition than anything resembling logic or deductive reasoning. Who knows, buying and selling stocks at random might actually be an improvement.
Armida Poizin Wine
(Credit: Steve Tobak)Poizin "the wine to die for". What better way to reduce the stress of acting out and throwing tantrums like a spoiled child all day long than a glass or two of vino. Not only is this very good wine, but like the book, your boss may even get the hint.
Danbury Greatest Boss Clock
(Credit: Steve Tobak)"Greatest boss" clock. Sadly, dysfunctional bosses are often in denial about their behavior. Most believe they have to be tough for their employee's own good. More than likely your boss will think you mean it, but you and your coworkers will know the truth.
Favorite Pet Picture Frame
(Credit: Casey Tobak)Favorite pet picture frame. Dysfunctional executives don't relate well to people, which explains why they act like self-important jerks much of the time. But they love their pets, which they often elevate to iconic status. Otherwise your boss can use it for the person she loves most - herself.
Now you know the real reason why it's better to give than to receive ... at least until you become a boss and start getting strange gifts with double meanings.
(Credit:
Hammacher Schlemmer)
If nothing else here at Crave, we're all about finding new ways to disrupt your workplace with various toys and robots, especially on a Friday afternoon. And though we generally prefer items that can fly, crawl or jump on command, there are a few more traditional forms of juvenile gadgetry that can draw equally amusing results. To wit: the "Animated Robotic Power Trio."
Armed with a tiny guitar, keyboard and drums, your own personal band will play in sync with any MP3 player to the certain dread of any cubicle mate within earshot if its product literature is any indication: "Each robot has articulated arms, torso, head and feet that move in unison with each note, chord or beat played; heads bob, feet tap and torsos sway to the music." It even comes with a music mixer that can loop the same nine songs, ensuring the development of nervous tics if not workplace violence.
He wants to beat you to a bloody pulp.
(Credit: NBC)This post has been corrected to provide the correct URL for Red Line Films.
If you thought Kid Nation was pushing the envelope, wait till you hear about this one. Production company Redline Films has just announced that you can now audition for its latest creative masterpiece, Office Fight. It's exactly what you think it is: it'll take co-workers who don't like each other and make them go face-to-face in a boxing ring.
Do you find this as supremely awesome as I do? Of course! To make it even awesomer, getting involved with Office Fight is easy and you can totally be part of it too! Just e-mail Redline, tell them who you want to pummel and why ("Jason smells like rotten cheese," or "Sean totally meant to let his pet python loose in my cube," or the serious stuff, like "Andrew cheated me out of a promotion and then ran off with my wife"), and if you have a valid claim, you're in like Flint.
The production company will then come to your office to shoot some spicy B-roll of how much you and what's-his-name hate each other, and then they'll train you for two weeks. Then you fight. If there's enough space in your office, they'll set it up right there, but otherwise, they'll hold the event in a local gym. The judges, fittingly, will be your other co-workers, and you'll have to wager bets in which the currency is pure unadulterated shame. ("If you lose, you have to wear a chicken suit to the office for the next week.")
Declan, you're on.
(Via Thrillist)
(Credit:
BecauseWeCan)
If you've caught the nautical bug but aren't sure you want to live in a pineapple under the sea, consider this. Pirate-friendly game development company Three Rings Design has pimped out its office so that it resembles the interior of the high-seas-steampunk Nautilus submarine from Jules Verne's classic 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. The interior is a mishmash of old maps, eye-catching colors, (fake) wheels and cogs, and Victorian-era styling that's sure to enamor just about anyone who ever thought that Star Trek-inspired interiors just weren't elegant enough. This masterpiece of a makeover was the work of design firm BecauseWeCan, and its pretty darn breathtaking.
(Credit:
BecauseWeCan)
And here's the best part. There's also a GIANT SQUID TENTACLE COUCH in the office's game room. I would fork over quite a bit of cash in order to have one of those in front of my TV.
(Credit:
BecauseWeCan)
More pics at GizmoWatch and BecauseWeCan.
You know that person at work who always starts droning on right when you've finally buckled down on that day's project? He wanders by your desk and starts chatting your ear off, while you pretend not to see/hear/notice him.
Or there's the Loud Talker--the one whose voice is somehow several decibels stronger than everyone else's. (Really, how do they not notice that?)
The Sound Guy might be able to help. Its ChatterBlocker software uses an auditory masking algorithm to render background conversations unintelligible. Translation: "Nature sounds" + music + background chatter = "soothing" and "relaxing." Apparently, distraction stems from actually being able to make out distinct words.
The Sound Guy says you can choose the mix of noise/music piped into your eardrums. Select the tracks that come with the program, or supply your own. Depending on your situation, $19.95 may or may not be a high price to pay for a little peace. Oh, and it's PC only. I guess Apple consumers don't have noisy cube-mates.
Do you think they pay extra for that too?
(Photo: The Sound Guy)
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