Crave

The lovely and brilliant Anna David joins the show today to fill Justin's diminutive shoes. Pray for him. He's still not feeling too well. Our beautiful new co-host tells us about her new Web site Annalytical Answers, where she answers your questions about dating, love and--yes--S. E. X. Wilson can barely contain himself.

Look! She's using a computer. That's tech!

(Credit: Eric Fischer)

Before we dive headlong into the questions that have continued to perplex men for millennia, Anna and the crew share stories about the post office and how no one there can smile. We think it's an actual work rule. Justin and Wilson vie for the affection of any lady that ventures onto The 404. In Anna's case, the win and subsequent fail goes to Justin. Justin, who ignores a question about a printer from a hot woman AND he's the printer expert? When is that really ever going to happen again? For shame, Justin, for shame.

We can't recap them all, but we spend most of the show with Anna answering questions from the chat room about dating. Some memorable questions: How do you get out of the friend zone? Does long distance dating ever work out? Is it really OK to date a cougar? Be sure to send in your questions.

All that and more on today's lovely show. If you want your dating questions answered, head on over to Annalytical Answers and sign up! In the mean time, we wish Justin a speedy recovery and be sure to check back for more 404 madness.

Kenley Bradstreet joins the show to fill in Justin's shoes, after he has an unfortunate accident with a missing bike seat. On today's show, Jeff rants about Digg's new ads while he gets new Hoboken Twitter followers. Wilson doesn't feel too hot about James Cameron's new movie "Avatar." Violet Blue starts her own URL shortner. And Kenley brings us a story about a murderous Brazilian talk show host. Yes, it is yet another episode of The 404.

(Credit: Twentieth Century Fox)

(Credit: Kenley Bradstreet)

Before we get too ahead of ourselves, let's explain today's show title. Apparently, there is a blog called "Skanks in NYC," and someone called a Vogue cover model, Liskula Cohen, a skank. Using words like "psychotic," "lying" and "whoring" to describe Ms. Cohen, a judge ruled that the model has a right to know who was defaming her. Beyond the First Amendment questions that this ruling raises, Kenley wonders if this undermines the whole point of the Internet?

James Cameron has been on hiatus for the last couple of years after his massive success with "Titanic." Turns out, he's been working on "Avatar" for the last 10 years, inventing all sorts of new technology to bring his vision to the big screen. While the project has been hyped in Hollywood, The 404 gang remains unimpressed with the blue people with tails. Kind of looks like a cross between a PS3 game and Halo, doesn't it?

Before we leave, we mention the new URL shortening service from Violet Blue, sex educator and columnist. At first, we were a bit confused as to why one would need another URL shortening service, but after a few hints from the chat room, we figured out that it's a warning that the link you're about to click on might be a bit NSFW. Bravo! Finally, Kenley alerts us to Wallace Souza, a Brazilian television host. On his top rated show, he features crime busts. Turns out, he was calling hits on people to get the ratings in the first place. We think the police were tipped off when a Steadicam operator, crane and lapel mic were found on scene.

Everyone have a great weekend! Wilson will be out for most of the week next week, so expect more awesome guests to keep his seat warm. In the mean time, please, please, please call in and leave a message at 1-866-404-CNET (2638) or write to us at the404 [at] cnet [dot] com.

Today, we're joined by two ladies: Ace Reporter Caroline McCarthy again and "Allie" of Heavy & Flo fame. This makes the two remaining boys of The 404 very happy. On today's show, we've got sex offenders, speakeasies, 1920s Prohibition, and Ashton Kutcher. Excited? We are.

(Credit: "Allie" of Heavy & Flo/CNET)

So what does "spifflicated" mean? It means we all got wasted. According to 404 historian Caroline McCarthy, most of the terms we use today to mean inebriated come from the 1920s era of Prohibition. "Spifflicated" happens to be our favorite.

While Justin Yu was out, we found a way to track him using this new iPhone app, which will tell you where the closest sex offenders live near you. With the help of the girls, we come up with some more useful apps like an "Is she underage?" app, or a "Please, just cut to the chase. How much money do you make?" app. We wish there was an app to tell when you're about to make a mistake late one night at a bar. Apple? Anyone?

We chat a bit about the Microsoft and Yahoo deal, but we think it's funnier to ask the eternal question, "Why Ashton Kutcher?" We have no idea why nearly 3 million people are following him on Twitter. I mean, give us a break. We know you lucked out, and you get to wake up to Demi Moore every morning, Ashton. You don't have to rub it in our faces.

Finally, a woman gets sued for $50,000 because she Twitters out, "Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon Realty thinks it's okay." Of course, we think this a whole load of bull, but we are perplexed as to why this company, Horizon Realty, has decided to unleash the Internet because of its fairly asinine move to "[s]ue first, then ask questions later." So far, we've collected these tweets about our new favorite company we love to hate:

• Horizon Realty is why everyone has AIDS.
• Also, I hear Horizon Realty kills puppies, is pro-cancer, and steals cardboard boxes from the homeless. Oops- Add me to the lawsuit.
• @Horizon_Reality Horizon Realty just tweeted that my mouse has herpes. I am suing for libel ans asking at least $50K

Send in your favorite "Horizon Realty" tweet to The 404 at the usual: the404 [at] cnet [dot] com. Also, leave a voice mail at 1-866-404-CNET (2638). Peace!

It's back to the regular news stories on today's show, and we start off strong with talk about how the iPhone 3.0 may give sex toys a run for their money. See what happens when you give developers control over the vibration functionality?

This isn't going to end well.

(Credit: Amazon)

Microsoft has announced it won't be making Money anymore--the software that is--but who actually used that program anyway?

Next, we discuss how the Internet is successfully turning the English language into nothing more than a bunch of incoherent misspellings of words with numbers in them. "n00b" is now a real word? We're starting to regret this whole Internet thing.

A Stretch Armstrong movie? Really? This isn't going to end well.

There won't be an episode tomorrow, but fear not, we're going to feed you with a classic 404 from the past that's sure to tickle you. See you Monday!

EPISODE 361

Aside from some technical difficulties today and a giant bug bite, we've got a great show featuring all three of your favorite Web celebrities. Before we get to the stories, we want to remind everyone of The 404 logo contest and of our appearance on our buddy Clayton Morris' FoxNews.com's Strategy Room to talk about all the good tech, video game-related goodness at 2 p.m. EST.

(Credit: Jasper Engels)

On today's show, find out ways that kids now are using abbreviations in text messages to hide things from their parents. Apparently, "RU/18" is something that kids these days are getting on their cell phones. Also, Pfizer is giving away free three-month supplies of Viagra and Lipitor because of the recession, but only if you were on the drugs before you got laid off. We hope Justin isn't itching to get fired for this deal.

In regard to a story about China shutting down a sex-themed park, Wilson gives us way too much information about "the talk" with his mom when he was 15. Justin and Jeff learned everything from "Sesame Street." Speaking of more things naughty, there is a new version of "Star Trek" called "Star Trix", and we can't really say much more about it other than it's totally NSFW.

Finally, showers make you more productive at work. Just be sure to watch out for peephole-size openings at work. Be sure to write in at the404 [at] cnet [dot] com. We'd love to see more of your submissions for our logo contest. See you on Tuesday after the Memorial Day break!

Episode 348

Dan the Mantern makes his triumphant return to The 404 to talk about his exploits as a newly single man. Yes, ladies, he is available. You can find him on J-Date. Today, we expound on weekend movies "I Love You, Man", "300," and "Revenge of the Nerds" and find out why Jeff Bakalar is going to prison.

Dan T. Allen: 22-year-old male seeking female.

(Credit: Wilson G. Tang/CNET)

Apparently, EA sent out packages of brass knuckles for the release of its video game version of "The Godfather II." Unbeknownst to them, it is a crime in most states to send brass knuckles, as they are in the same category of weapons as switchblades and gas guns. Also on today's show, we cover Vermont legalizing "sexting," a special eBay auction just in case you need to tell someone off, and Disney releasing a controversial animated movie featuring a black princess.

We've got a special treat for you today, as well. If you check your RSS or iTunes feed, you'll discover that we've officially pushed to you The 404 ringtones, including our main theme courtesy of Mr. Jamie Lewis and a Tom Merritt-inspired "Calls from the Public" ringtone. Also, if you have an iPhone, we've got special instructions on how to use our ringtones on your Jesus Phone. But wait, there's more! Yes, because of popular demand, we're pushing out acoustic versions of Jonathan Coulton's performances of "Codemonkey" and "Re: Your Brains" performed in our very own podcast studios. Don't you just love us?!?!

Remember to mark Thursday, April 16, as the day your life changes when Bore Out Loud and the Snore Oh Four battle to the death in a dance off (bring your tap shoes). Be sure to RSVP. We'll be partying hard at the whole upstairs floor of The Delancey in New York City at 7:30 p.m.

If there's a more disturbing image than a naked Wilson Tang eating a stuffed pepper and doing his taxes, it's got to be a naked Tim Geisenheimer's sockless foot stuffed into a suede moccasin. We invite Tim into the studio anyway and he surprises us with some bad news: turns out the economy ain't doing so well.

World famous weather-forecasting leg predicts spring is finally here.

(Credit: Tim Geisenheimer/CNET)

Do not attempt to adjust the white balance on your monitor: Tim Geisenheimer's legs are actually that pale. I guess he and Michael Jackson share more in common than their tastes in footwear. Anyway, for some reason Wilson felt the need to stay at home today to do his taxes, which means being a good Chinese boy and writing off everything he possibly can. Why he decided to get nakee and do said taxes is another issue entirely, and one that teases my upchuck reflex anyway, so let's move on.

If you haven't figured it out yet, 'tis I, Justin Yu--on the poop deck, handling the blogging for the day. The first half of today's show is pretty random, since it's just Jeff and I riffing on a few stories, including one about Japanese space underwear.

I feel compelled to break out Space Beer guy, but mixing beer and underwear just doesn't feel right. Leave it up to the Japanese to reinvent the last thing you should worry about in space--forget the zero gravity, space debris, and Klingon warlords. Nah, nah, let's make a pair of underwear that you never have to take off.

Next story is about a Jewish Facebook group whose name suddenly changed from "I Heart Jews" to "Hitler: Great Modern Man of History." While we disagree with that statement, Jeff Bakalar (devoutly Jewish, FYI) gives the rest of us a free pass to laugh at the prank. Hey, at the end of the day, if Mel Brooks can laugh at Hitler, I think we're all safe.

After long calls from the public, we finally decide on a date for The 404 Meetup: APRIL 16. Everyone living in the Tri-State area should definitely clear their evening hour for a night of fun with The 404. We decided that two weeks is enough time for everyone to plan ahead, and it gives Jeff, Wilson, and I ample time to exercise our wrists and buy as many sharpies as possible. Riiight. Finally, check out some of the submissions below for our running contest. Can you write a funny caption for this photo of your humble 404 host? Here are some of our current favorites:

• "Do these glasses make my eyes look less asian?" - Will Chan
• "The 404's Justin Yu was taken into custody shortly after molesting a lumberjack, a 90-year old woman, and robbing a Radio Shack in China Town last evening. Luckily there was no evidence of dicktopping at any of the crime scenes." - Andrew Teachout
• "What? I swear that printer was d**kto**ed before I got it!" - Jeff from Calgary

Send us your funniest caption to the404{at}cnet[dot]com and you could win a copy of Wheelman for XBox 360!

It begins with iPhone 3 software details, progresses into face stealing, and somehow ends up at a claw machine containing a mountain of mammaries. Obviously words do nothing to express the joy of this week's Gadgettes.

EPISODE 129

iPhone OS 3.0: What you need to know

iPhone 3.0-ready with $24 stereo Bluetooth headset

iPhone OS 3.0 will turn your phone into a revolutionary sex toy

The 3D FaceStatue might be the creepiest product of all-time

Japan’s latest supermodel–a robot

Daylight-saving time really messes with the guys of The 404. Today, we realize how old we are when compacts discs are 30 years old. Obviously, teens prefer MP3s over CDs; audiophiles die a little. Another teen creates Muziic, a program that lets you build a music library from YouTube. And finally, Walgreens starts to sell sex toys.

In case you were born in the 90s. God, we're old.

(Credit: Wikipedia)

With music, pictures and now your documents living online, it's not going to be long before your pr0n collection moves there. Justin feels pretty compelled to write guidelines on how to do this. As a matter of fact, he's become quite the expert on how to do it in your \System32\ folder on your Windows partitioned, disguised as a temporary cache.

Congratulations to Elizabeth for winning a copy of House of the Dead: Overlord for the Nintendo Wii. Right now, "The Nerdy Dirty" is leading our contest for a 404 motto, but we're waiting to see what our community comes up with the phrase "Not found." As always, call in at 1-866-404-CNET (2638). Or send us an e-mail at the404 [at] cnet [dot] com. We've got more giveaways coming up--I know, it sounds like we're bribing you, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get those listeners.