Perspective: Looking for love on all the wrong Facebook pages

Disclaimer: the names and events in this piece have been changed to protect the innocent--namely, those with Facebook profiles you may want to look up while reading this column.

I was in no mood to party. Still, my friends dragged me out of my house--and into someone else's--for a casual get-together. That night, I spotted Mr. Perfect, perched against the fireplace, deep in conversation. Nice faded jeans, polo shirt and great hazel eyes. Plus, he had a killer way of saying "'sup" with a little jerk of the head. Sigh.

But what to say to him? I couldn't just go up to him and ramble.

Suddenly, I recognized one of the guys he was talking to. Andrew, from math class! Perfect. That night, I went to Andrew's Facebook, my eyes scanning the page for any signs of Mr. Perfect. After some investigation, I found him: Patrick Richardson.

Now things got a little trickier. If I added him as a friend that night, I might seem desperate. Or, he might not even recognize me from the party and could reject my request. I chose option No. 2: a preemptive Facebook message in which I could casually, but with great wit, reference the party.

After a series of flirty messages, followed by some text messages and one phone call, we decided to take it to the next level. Patrick asked me to I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.

No matter how cute your friend's cousin's best friend may appear to be, his Facebook is not likely to be a true representation of his personality.

Welcome to dating 2.0, where countless details on potential paramours are only a Google search or an hour of Facebook or MySpace investigation away and the field of possible dates seems endless.

As a teen in this age, I often find myself yearning for the past, where I imagine that courtship consisted of a guy breaking into song to woo the girl. (That's what I learned from Grease, anyway). Call me an exception in today's world, but dance numbers aside, I would rather have a guy pass me a nervously scribbled piece of paper in biology class than get the condensed text message version: "hey u wna chill sat nite?" Ugh.

I long for the days when guys had to bend over backward to get a girl's attention, rather than just posting shirtless pictures on their Facebook profiles and waiting for the adoring comments to pour in.

Despite my reluctance, however, I realize that we live in the age of technology--and I love my Facebook as much as the next person does. So, here are some teen tips for maintaining sanity while dating in the Digital Age.

• When possible, strike up an in-person conversation before cyberstalking.
No matter how cute your friend's cousin's best friend may appear to be, his Facebook is not likely to be a true representation of his personality. Creeps can clean up pretty well, and there's a chance you will never know the difference, especially while you're too mesmerized by Cool_Dude_22's font to realize he lacks a personality.

• Don't judge a guy (or girl) by his or her MySpace page.
If the guy you like is showing up pretty frequently on people's AIM profiles and MySpace pages, he may look popular, but there's a significant chance he doesn't do much more than sit at his computer all day. If that's not bad enough, those pics he shot of himself at the mirror, where he's flexing his abs while simultaneously doing a thumbs up, should speak for themselves. If they don't, I will speak for them. Stay. Away.

• Don't take your lovers' quarrels online.
It's pretty funny when I'm on IM and I get snippets of my friends' romantic squabbles copied and pasted to me. Really, engaging friends digitally in your lovers' quarrel is the equivalent of having a heated argument in a crowded restaurant. And it's like I'm just idling at the table next to yours, waiting to put my two cents into a relationship that I'm not in.

• None of that long-distance junk.
You may think the boys in your state are so overrated. But Chris from Alabama plays lacrosse and is president of the school poetry club--or so he says--so you give him the benefit of the doubt. Now, you, girl from California, are "dating" Chris from Alabama. OH EM GEE! You change your Facebook status to "in a relationship." What next? Don't think those steamy, late-night text message sessions are going to count as a real relationship. And anyway, your parents are going to nix those the minute they see charges for texting with an out-of-state number.

• Don't post makeout pictures on MySpace.
Honestly, it's sad that I even have to spell this one out, but it makes me cringe when I see makeout pictures of my friends who have become an item. Those kind of pics are acceptable in celebrity magazines. But I sit next to you in English class, and that's just imagery that I don't need while reading Shakespeare. Please save your passionate embraces for any place other than my computer screen. I wasn't invited to the date, so don't make me feel like I was there.

• Remember, girls still like to get flowers.
Boys, despite the fact that you can send us e-cards for our birthdays and write us e-mails when we're sad, we haven't forgotten that there's a world outside our monitors. The worst is when a guy, knowing that you've been moping all day, sends a text message that goes something like this: "hey babe thinkin bout u miss u luv u ttyl bii." Excuse me? Not everything you type in five seconds is going to put a smile on our faces. What can restore our happiness is a bouquet of flowers or some homemade fudge. (Note: My personal favorite pick-me-ups include pink tulips and vanilla cake with vanilla frosting. Please send all orders directly to my desk.)

Biography
Sabena Suri, a CNET News.com summer intern, will start her senior year of high school in the fall.

More Perspectives

[steves10]

Like, insurrection...

Alert the National Guard, the jackbooted thugs from Teenbeat Magazine have captured and subverted C/NET. Oh, well, like, who really cares?

[wiarumas]

Chivalry

"Chivalry is dead.... and women killed it."
-Dave Chapelle

I actually enjoyed the article... it was actually half decent compared to the drivel that comes out of the usual articles nowadays... but I suppose its all relative. Kudos to you.

I would just like to add why guys don't buy flowers, sing, and are a bit more romantic... because girls don't like that anymore. They like the guy in the polo, faded jeans, saying "sup" to people across the room. Guys who write poetry were probably at that same party... you just weren't interested in them.

There has also been a research study recently that correlated that guys with high IQ and low IQ have significantly less sex partners than guys in the middle range. Why? I would assume (if not for poor correlation and causation) that our culture no longer recognizes the intelligent (nerds, dorks, etc. maybe) and the more sophisticated. Our culture glamorizes the bad ass, the rebel, the uneducated rappers who slang about guns, drugs, and sex, and athletes (I'm not saying your husband is any of these).

I'm not a bitter man throwing this in the girls face. In fact, I used this tactic in scoring chicks in my late teens. I drove a Mustang, had pierced ears, was in a band, etc. Now I'm an attractive, well educated, and sucessful man in the low 20s with a long term girlfriend, soon to be fiance that I met on MySpace (first and only person I've met online). I did a bit of growing up and I don't have to play that card anymore. I just realize what girls prefer and how to work that both in presentation of self and in conversation.

[STL DWN]

AMEN BROTHER

I COULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT ANY BETTER. THERE IS AN OLD
JOKE, CHIVALRY IS DEAD.... BECAUSE WOMEN KILLED IT.
UNFORTUNATELY WE AS MEN ARE NOT RESPECTED UNLESS WE
DISRESPECT THEM (WOMEN). THAT IS WHY I AM PROUD TO BE
SINGLE. CONGRATS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT AND FOR FINDING A
REAL WOMAN AMONGST ALL THESE GIRLS. JUST WANTED TO
RESPOND, TAKE CARE AND BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.

[murk54]

Can't say that I disagree

As a young adult in our present societal state where we are consumed by the quick and the digital, there are many things that go lacking in relationships, and many conversations go unspoken because everything about the other person is already known before the first date, thanks in part to Facebook and MySpace. Even as a guy, I won't lie, I like romance and the digital age is curbing that to an extreme. Excellent article, on point and pertinent.

[Akshay1215]

AWESOME

Thanks for the tips! I'll make sure and use them, i always look for love on all the wrong facebook pages.

funny too :)

[ffwang2]

SWEET

I think this article is very telling of the cyberspace situation today. The advice is very helpful and quite hilarious in some aspects, given the "duh" advice that we sometimes forget. Great Job Sabena!

[sanjayb]

Flowers? Only if u look like Brad Pitt

The reason why guys don't send flowers, etc, etc is no amount of flowers is going to get u a date if you aren't good looking. That never changes. Shallowness existed then and exists more now.

[albinoboy123]

Someone's bitter

Here's a secret, if you talk to a girl or give her some attention, she'll start to notice you. Be _really_ nice to her, smile a lot, and soon your ugly face will look beautiful (to her).

If you're having trouble talking to girls, talk to the ugly ones first. If you're not actually trying to get a date, you won't worry about being rejected, and you'll be more confident. It really does help.

Oh and I'm sorry you think you're ugly.

[Quixotic115]

very true

I recognize many of the things you pointed out and I also long for that old fashioned courtship that can't be produced online. I still think it's better to know someone in person or by walking up to them or having someone introduce you whatever. All this digital love takes away the experience and it makes it really weird sometimes.

Btw i'm a guy so it's just to show you that some guys also care about this as well.

[STL DWN]

I'M CONFUSED

WAIT, SO YOU WANT GUYS TO NOT DO WHAT YOU DID? IM
CONFUSED. IF MR. RIGHT WAS THERE AT THE PARTY, WHY DIDN'T
YOU TRY TO SPARK CONVERSATION WITH HIM INSTEAD OF
RUNNING TO THE COMPUTER? DON'T GET ME WRONG, I AGREE
WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE SAYING. THE ONLY THING IS, IF
YOU WANT THE GUYS ON THE OLD SCHOOL ROMANCE TIP, I DONT
THINK FACEBOOK OR EVEN THE MIGHTY MY SPACE WILL HELP YOU.
I AM IN THE SAME SITUATION THOUGH, SO AT LEAST YOU HAVE
COMPANY. GREAT STORY ANYWAY......