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August 3, 2007
Suddenly, my in-box flashes and I jump at the first distraction I've gotten since my last text message--two minutes ago.
It's Facebook! "You have a new friend request. Click here to view," the message says. Elated, I paste the URL into my browser, conjuring images of the contender--a tall, dark and handsome boy with an edgy haircut. A picture loads, and the name reads: John Smith (name changed to protect the not-so-innocent).
That's funny. I don't know a John Smith. And he looks old enough to be my dad. I click his profile, confused, and take a closer look. Gray hair. Excuse me? Favorite books: The World Is Flat and Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Um...OK. Status: married. What?
There's got to be an explanation for this. Either it's my dad posing as a stockbroker from Waco, Texas, or my dad's best friend posing as said stockbroker to track my online goings-on.
I run into Dad's room. He's typing away at his computer, naive to the fact that I'm onto his scheme.
"So, John Smith. You know him?" I say.
My dad looks away from the screen, perplexed. "What?"
"John Smith! The guy you're pretending to be on Facebook!" I say.
"What's Facebook?" he asks, and I can genuinely tell he has no idea.
Oh, of course. My dad wouldn't know the first thing about Facebook. And for once in my short life, I thank God for my dad's lack of technological savvy.
So, John Smith isn't my dad. But who is he? And more important, what's up with the 40-and-older crowd on Facebook? From my perspective--as a 17-year-old girl brought up to be hyperaware of my surroundings, especially online--I have to be a little skeptical of the people who are adding me as friends on Facebook.
But before I get to why I think most of the older folks hanging out on MySpace and Facebook are creepy, here (in the spirit of open-mindedness) are a few of the more semi-legitimate reasons they might be using the sites.
Business networking
We all know businesses want to keep up with the times. And granted, many businesspeople have Facebook profiles to network--CEO-to-CEO stuff--but why are you adding me? Honestly, I get creeped out when I see that your grad year is '86, before I was born; that you live in another state; and that you would love to be friends with a high school senior. I know I'm fun, but my favorite show is Ugly Betty and I love the book Confessions of a Shopaholic. What, exactly, do we have in common?
Keeping up long-distance friendships
It's unclear why you and your long-distance college buddy Mike couldn't just talk on the phone or e-mail, but Facebook is apparently considerably hipper. Upon registering, you discover some old friends, realizing that your stoner roommate is now CEO of a multibillion-dollar company. Good thing Facebook has enlightened you to your loserness. Who cares? You and Mike created an exclusive group: "Mike and Rick--BFFs."
Looking for votes
Just because Hillary Clinton's Web manager has let America know Hillary's favorite TV show is American Idol doesn't mean she's going to get teen votes. Politicians, if you really want to target young voters, propose laws that actually affect us instead of invading our personal cyberspace with annoying friend requests. The same goes for you, Ron Paul. That overwhelmingly large MySpace picture of yourself is enough to scare anyone away.
Hoping to feel young again
As if it isn't enough that your mom gets checked out more than you do whenever you go to the mall, now she has double the friend requests on Facebook. It's enough to ruin any teenager's life, especially because, for many, Facebook = life. In any case, you beg her to stop stealing all the cute guys you wish would add you, but she just claims it helps her feel young when her wrinkle cream doesn't do the trick. One day, when her jealous daughter makes her Facebook profile disappear, she'll lose 4,246 friends. That'll show her.
Spying on your kids
This mom is quite the opposite of the aforementioned one: instead of wanting to be on Facebook, she is horrified by its content. Nevertheless, she needs to protect her vulnerable little 18-year-old son. Using an alias and a picture of a hot brunette girl, she adds her son and all his friends. Now she can uncover the truth. He skipped SAT class to go to a party?! He watches porn?! Somehow, Mom forgets she was young once, and instead of "protecting" her son, she's actually ruining his life. All in a day's work for super(annoying)mom.
Being just plain creepy
And this one brings us back to John Smith. Most teens learn at a young age not to add friends they don't know personally. But, if the above examples are any indication, that rule of thumb can get tossed out the window on MySpace and Facebook, where it's sometimes hard to distinguish the creeps from the nice older folks. John Smith may seem like your average too-old-to-be-on-Facebook kind of guy, but he's probably a lot worse than that. Look, if his favorite music includes Kelly Clarkson, 50 Cent and Beyonce, there's a chance he's trying a little too hard to fit in. Plus, his Facebook status is "Duuude. Soo wasted rite now." Soo lame.
Biography
Sabena Suri, a CNET News.com summer intern, will start her senior year of high school in the fall.
See more CNET content tagged:
Facebook
I wonder how many hours are wasted on these stupid sites?
Had you sat down and thought about it, after shoving aside your "holier than thou" attitude, you would have seen that she touches on a problem that's quickly becoming epidemic amongst the social networking sites.
Children and teens invariably flock to technology. They have an excellent sense of efficiency without much prior experience to override a superior concept. When it comes to keeping in touch with friends, in particular, sub-20-somethings are the single biggest driver of technology. Where we are starting to run into problems is just how "friends" are defined. It seems that every other week now I'm reading articles about Facebook, et cetera, regarding people who will blindly accept friend requests. Many teens seem to be operating under the false assumption that more friends is clearly a good thing. Quantity is king. It's a positive feedback loop, too. If I have 500 friends, more people are going to want to be my friend, apparently.
What they don't realize is that with any sort of playground, technological or otherwise, there is another crowd who is attracted: those with designs on the unspeakable. Sabena touches on just about all of the major reasons for us "older guys" using Facebook, including the one that no one wants to talk about. Creepy John is out there. The bad news is he wants to hurt you. The good news is that all it takes is a little smarts, a little common sense to avoid it altogether. Yet, there is more bad news. Common sense ain't so common, and even less so amongst teens. But that's where parents come in.
I applaud the author for her intelligence on these matters. The fact that you don't comes as no surprise; you're likely either too old or too bitter to know any different. Pity, that.
I was graduating from university right around the time that Facebook was stepping into the limelight. Being in right at the front of it, but old enough to realize its pitfalls, I see it for what it is: an amazing utility for keeping in touch with people I would otherwise fall out of touch with. If I don't know you, you aren't my friend. It's that simple.
Back on your original post, please do the species a favor. Don't procreate.
The internet is a reflection of real life. Both the good and bad. As you indicated on your comment there are legitimate reasons for us old people on facebook. Most of us, like most of the young people, are these legitimate users. As in real life if you feel even a little uncomfortable the best course of action is to leave, and talk to someone about it.
As happened in Web 1.0 and is happening again with Web 2.0, there is an undesirable element present (as you have seen in the form of sexual predators). These were endemic on AOL. IRC channels quickly became polluted with perverts and paedophiles. It is good to see that some sites (myspace) are being proactive about these elements.
Being over 40 doesn't mean that I'm not interested in current music. Yes I like Kelly Clarkson, but not 50 cent so much. Age has given me a longer perspective and I have seen many an artist come and go. Yes I have a facebook account too, mainly for keeping in touch with geographically dispersed friends and family.
Agree that getting asked to be friends by someone you don't know (of any age) is pretty creepy, but I have been seeing more "friend" and "join" requests that are simply marketing or just weird (sigh) since FB opened up to everyone.
I think she should stick to doing her homework and stop worrying about who or what is going on on facebook.
The roster of what Facebook calls my friends and I call my colleagues runs from about 25 to 70 years old. I never bother with kids, so aside from some of the silly terminology in the profile section that might have offered a clue, somehow I never realized that Facebook was a kids' playground -- and I bet that will be news to a lot of folks who have the reaction "Ick, all these kids on Facebook".
Sort of like the english coming to america so long ago. Probably said something like "Ick, all these indians. Ah forget them, let's set up camp"
:)
I don't think she cares whether old married guys are on facebook.
What she cares about is when old married guys she does not know
ask to be her friend. That is creepy, especially in this day and age.
Very good article, good luck on your senior year!
Why? Hell if I know.
Then, mom can have an alias and a picture of a hot brunette girl, but John Smith can't have an alias and a picture of a "a tall, dark and handsome boy with an edgy haircut?" Think about it.
Forget creepy. The scary part is that John Smith could pose as anybody, and if you accept friends you don't know, even a "friend of a friend," then you are at risk of running into John Smith.
There are legitimate reasons for 40-and-older crowd to be on Facebook (although your "semi-legitimate reasons" are a little narrow-minded), but they don't have to be honest to be creepy!
That's why high school students should not be allowed to post here!
... Ick, high school students writing articles on Cnet...
Anyone can have friendship with anyone. We have to control ourselves not to go wrong way while going good way. On the other hand, people have to protect themselves.
One thing we have to see is that even if we did not make Internet or Facebook, there will be theft, wars, and prostitution in this world.
Someone at CNet clearly wishes a portion of its readership to click on any link other than CNet. Might I remind you that those older guys have lots of money, and of the kind your advertisers crave?
The young lady (if she is one) was stupid for writing the article and her editor was even more stupid for approving it. Try shooting yourself in your other foot next time.
Oh, I guess I should admit I'm one of those undesirables, too--an "old man" with a Facebook profile, and with money to spend. And for what it's worth, your writer isn't even in the same league as my wife, or even close. She's dreaming if your writer thinks she can compete with my wife, or that I'd even look her way.
Kiss this CNet reader goodbye, you morons.
If not, why do you bother to bring it up? Either way, you've come across as petty and ridiculous. I guess even "people with money" can pull that off.
I don't think she was implying that you were trying to seduce her or that she was hot enough to compete with your wife. You're taking it way too personal. It is somewhat cruel and off topic to critique her looks. She looks quite cute. I can imagine quite a few teenage boys would love to date her. I don't think anyone was questioning the fidelity to your wife, or stereotyping 40 year olds. You on the other hand are stereotyping the author. Other from what she has written here, you likely know nothing about her. She goes to a decent school, so I reasonably presume that she isn't simply a brunnette Valley Girl albeit the article doesn't present her in a very positive light.
Any time I hear the phrase "Age ain't nuthin but a number" I've now learnt that it means she's WAY too young for me!
Of course, then there's also the porn-site spammers sending friend requests, and those may be who Steve is referring to.
I find it very weird and disgusting to see a 45 year old woman on myspace telling 18yo men that they are hot and same with >25 men it feels like a violation of the generation gap
never rally thought about it like that
PROTECT THE GENERATION GAP
As a 38 year old whose generation is solidly in control of everything I know that I work daily to ensure that the under 25 crowd only has poor wage jobs available. Further, we do our best to market sex and shallowness to you at every turn (which you happily eat up).
I fight for and Thank GOD for the generation gap. Without you pre-25ers available to serve us I wouldn't have anyone to make my mochas at Starbucks! Clearly it's in our best interest not to get "too close" or to think of you as fully-formed "people" yet because your wage scale isn't even on the chart of a what we consider a person for many more years.
I don't know who John Smith is, but he's clearly crossed the line pretending that one of us could ever have something in common with one of you, because clearly we don't. He should have been out buying a JetSki and not on Facebook. The only sensible explanation is that he was a 20 year old playing a sick prank of some sort.
Please, PRESERVE THE GENERATION GAP AT ALL COSTS. We all need to know our place.
John Smith is not a bad man for being on facebook...he is a weird man for contacting you. And if you think we over 40's should be phoning or emailing our friends, why are these not your modes of communication? This would allow you a much safer enviroment to communicate in...we over 40's do not have to worry about these things on the internet. We chose not to put our personal info out there for all to see. We are not running to our inbox to see if a "tall, dark, handsome boy with an edgy haircut" is contacting us. Maybe we are keeping in contact with our children who are traveling abroad. Maybe OUR children don't have things to hide on facebook, so they are not so afraid that we would be in their "personal cyberspace", those words are an oxymoron anyway. The sooner you teens learn that, the safer you will be. You may also wish to speak with the parents of dead children about checking out what your kids are up to, they just may not agree with your views on them.
And why am I not surprised that you do not care to hear about the politics of the U.S. government? Remember until recently facebook was for College students, who do care and can vote. Lucky for us you have at least four more years of education to learn how to "care". I can only assume that you will either have or be a "stoner roommate" yourself, as you seem to think that is what college roommates are. I hope you do not turn out to be the "loser" one, but rather the succesful "stoner" one...making contact with your friends and family on facebook.
She wasn't stereotyping older people, she was talking about a specified group creepy old married guys. Another fact is that Facebook is a very safe communicating environment. In fact, no one can see your personal information (other than you name) without your consent. Also, I have nothing to hide on my Facebook or MySpace I would let my parents see either if they asked, but I'd prefer them not interact socially with my friends. Every teen is embarassed by his/her parents and it can be permanent on a social networking site. And if you had read her article correctly, it said that a presidential candidate would be more likely to get a vote with a law that greaty affects teens than with a friend request on Facebook. So don't you tell her that she needs to learn how to care because she said it herself that she does. But honestly, you will think I'm rediculous (and maybe I am), but adults need to lay off teenagers. We're really not so bad once you get to know us and we don't even bite. But in her article, you read what you wanted it to say instead of what it actually said about politics. Just lighten up a little bit.
Mark,17
You're quite the priviledged teen when you jump to conclusions that your mother or father is spying on you. How much privacy do you expect to have when you use other people's stuff?
E-e-e-w!!!
Yet you still use a service where your personal information can be pilfered.
I'd say your dad might be a tad more tech savvy than you, junior...
This article belongs on the girl's blog, not on a site purporting to be a technology news site.
That said... teenagers, if you get a friend request from an adult stranger, tell your parents and then delete the request.
When I was in high school in the late 90s I would have loved to have written some articles for CNET. Who knows I might have gotten into tech journalism with the exposure. I sure would have written something less catty than this. As you say some of her comments like her personal interests are more something that belong in her blog than in a tech news site. I am sure there are other HS or better yet college students who could write much better stuff than this.
I like your joke though. My observation is that the quality of the articles on CNET has fallen dramatically since the dot com bubble burst. Apparently they are so poor they need HS interns to write their content. Sometimes I think that they should outsource their editors to some college kids. Other from the current editors having better grammar and spelling I think the article quality would be about the same.
I am not too sure I would go so far as to tell your parents if an adult stranger sends you a friend request unless there was something illicit about the content (porn, sex, drugs, etc.). I would pass on explicit messages to Facebook admins though. Other from that what are your parents going to do differently?
As a music lover with eclectic tastes I have been been trying to leverage last.fm to discover others to learn from and share with. After about 5000 scrobbles I've yet to friend anyone (other than my son - too creeeepy isn't it). Based on the Neighbors last.fm identifies for me, I have the taste of a 15 to 17 year old girl. Not sure how many 17 year olds of any gender are listening to a lot of opera, classical, and 70's prog rock but I guess Sleater Kinney matters way more to the last.fm matching algorithm.
Based on my experience with last.fm, social networking is slanted toward teenagers and young adults. Apparently this is where the money is. Us older types *will* catch on eventually and there are always going to be more of us (including the author some day). As more of us participate in sites like last.fm then some younger folks may discover that opera and rock make a nice mash-up. I'd like to hear the results when it happens.
I'm ready ...
I have very few friends on that site and pretty much anyone I have a connection with actually appears to be men in the late 20s and I happen to be a man in my late 20s... probably a reflection of the people on there than anything else. What sort of tracks and artists make up the "Most played" lists of these teen girls by the way?
Sabena: More power to you! Keep it coming.
PS: I am closer to 30 and hope that I have a broader perspective then some of the responders when I hit 40!
[1] Highlight: Honestly, I get creeped out when I see that your grad year is '86, before I was born; that you live in another state; and that you would love to be friends with a high school senior.
Other than her using a cellphone, computer and internet, there was zero material here that made this a tech perspective piece worthy of being on c|net.
Personally I think she needs to shut up, get her homework done, graduate and grow up before she starts posting tech perspective pieces on a technology news site.
This article was pure rubbish!
It's 'cause the first thing the kid did when approached by a stranger was jump up and accuse her father. Were she my kid and I read this, I'd cut off the internet access to her system.
Simply fill in the blank in the following statement from the article with
one of the words provided below:
"...why I think MOST of the _________ folks hanging out on MySpace and
Facebook are creepy..."
Fill in the blank with one of these words: Indian, Hispanic, Asian, Black,
Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, African, Short, Blind, Handicapped, Gay, Ugly, Fat,
Over 18... etc...
The internet isn't a playground built for children despite the fact that
children do use it. If children are going to use it then they will find that
they will encounter some uncomfortable adult situations. Just as would
happen if you left a child in the middle of a city. If they're incapable of
understanding that they don't know what it is and they haven't been
taught to use it safely. More importantly, for their own sake as well as
others they simply shouldn't use it.
In any case, who is she to pass judgement on whether it is socially
appropriate or not for adults, or anyone else for that matter, to use the
internet however they please?
The answer is she is nobody.
Her parents are probably to blame more than she is. A brainless, narrow
minded, and judgmental 17 year old isn't all that rare. Clearly she doesn't
get the internet and if her parents did they wouldn't let her use it with the
understanding she has of it. You wouldn't drop a naive 17 year old girl off
in the middle of a strange city unsupervised or without the social skills to
get to where she should go and just say "go have some fun now dear."
Why is it OK to do so on the internet?
Facebook is a social networking site, not a dating site. What mes you think that the older guys on facebook want to go out with you? or that they're even thinking about it?
My own social networking profile has links to people from all ages: from your age to people way past 65.
They're people I meet during the course of work, older mentors, people I've done projects with, as well as young entrepreneurs and bright students I mentor.
In case you forgot that's what social networking is all about. It's not about MAINLY about finding people to party with on a weekend.
Some of these married older guys are famous for some reason, writing books, editors on CNet, know her as a family member is a friend in common to them, teachers who taught her in high school, etc and want to stay in contact with her.
Now if they were older married men asking for a relationship with her that goes beyond friendship, then it becomes creepy.
I have a facebook account and I am an older married man, but I am looking for the social network part and people who might be able to help me find new jobs or work contracts and stay in contact with people from my old work and my college days.
These young people want to own facebook, and drive out the older people from it, because we are not as "hip" as them. In defense, the younger people are not as responsible, knowledgeable, wise, talented, experienced, or even know how the real world works like us older people.
I mean teenagers and young adults are more likely to be agnostics or atheists until they grow up and discover that they aren't young anymore and finally need religion or god or whatever. They will be ultra-left wing liberals, until they learn that all they were taught was theories that don't work in the real world and become moderates like me, or maybe, *gasp* conservatives if they learn how money works for real.
To this young intern, I have some words of advice:
"Grow up!"
- Not a wise career move....
- by dzwright August 15, 2007 6:44 AM PDT
- Under the heading of business networking these sites can also be useful for recruitment purposes.
- Like this Reply to this comment
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- This man knows what he's talking about
- by cw_rm August 15, 2007 7:12 AM PDT
- Finding young employees who don't think they're entitled to "spend
- Like this
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- Good Point
- by NavionPilot August 16, 2007 9:45 AM PDT
- As a 47 year old business owner. When I hire someone, I will google them, check them out on linkedin and worry if they are going to spend too much time chatting with their friends on facebook, texting their friends or looking for that all too cute guy with the edgy haircut during business hours.
- Like this
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Showing 1 of 10 pages (389 Comments)You can learn a lot about that bright young graduate who came in for interview this morning by spending 5 minutes looking at their on-line presence. If you have a few thousand friends on Facebook but no listing on LinkedIn this 40 year old exec is likely to sceptical about the networking skills you where so keen to emphasise and give the job to someone who isn?t going to spend most of to working day chatting to friends on messenger.
most of [the] working day chatting to friends on messenger" is
getting harder all the time. Why doesn't CNet do an article about
that?
Young lady, you would have failed the test. I would pass you up for someone who is more interested in getting down to business (math, and biology).
Later, Dive / Fly / Ride / Sail Safe
-Rob