Comments on: When games stop being fun

Long a subject of half-serious jokes among devotees of computer and video games, game addiction is receiving serious attention lately as fantasy games such as "EverQuest" proliferate.

[D-Man2006]

your right

Sure WoW addiction isnt good but im addicted and i
find it better then being on drugs, or being around
people who manipulate you, ***......people are
addicted for so any reasons, mine are because my
parents put me down cause im not good in school,
honestly Id rather be at home playing WoW and letting
the day pass by, you must also take into consideration
that because a game is addictive that negativty must
come out of it, i was addicted to alot of WW2 FPS' but i
learned a ton, it made me want to join the military, i
want to learn German, my reflexes have increased, and
u will probably say "well what does WoW have to do
with that you wont learn anything" thats bull right there,
ive made tons of freinds on WoW, i get on WoW
everynight after school and im welcomed each time im
back in by my friends, the ones i never had in
highschool, my friends i do go to school with play WoW
and we dont consider anytime we play WoW as an
addiction, you people might.

since January 1st when i first started playing WoW, i
had ove 360hours of gameplay along with many more
games, each week i go to school and i play WoW, in a
week i could throw in a good 50 hours, playing from
4:30PM to 12:00AM and getting up at 6:30AM for
school, but after goin through a depression i had (had
nothing to do with videogames) i played WoW and i
was getting better.

sure im lazy, my parents give me hell when i dont clean
the house, they tell me to get a job, but i want to live the
way i want to and i shouldn't have to put up that from
anyone.

and thats my 2 cents

[wow987]

Finding Help for Stopping WoW

Hello,

I've made a website to help addicted people who play to world of warcraft, and, while it is written in french, I placed a babelfish translation.

The translation can be of very bad quality... but I believe that you can still understand the essential:
www.MondedeWarcraft.com

Good luck

[sadwifeinseattle]

Dealing with Husband's Addiction

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. He has always liked video games and we have had arguments about the time he plays them but nothing has been as bad as WOW. My father-in-law turned him on to the game, who also has an addiction. It started as a Sunday event, they would get together and play as father and son bonding time. It began as the first part of the Sunday and then escalated into the entire day. Then my husband started playing from home. He would tell me it wasn't a game you could play for 2 hour intervals so he began spending upwards of 5 hours or more a session. We are both graduate students and parents so the amount of quality time we get to spend together is minimal. We have two 12 year old boys from previous marriages and they have been turned on to WOW as well. One, who was an honor roll student and rarely ever played video games began to become moody and stopped doing his homework just to play the game. When I finally turned off his account he sobbed as if he was dying, like I had taken away a drug.

It isn't that I mind my husband playing video games, I know he loves them, but it is how he treats me if he doesn't get to play. Where before we used to sit and talk for hours,go to movies, plays, etc. now he barely says two words to me. When I guilt trip him into a little bit of time he tells me that I have to come up with something fun for us to do because he gets bored. If he spends two hours with me he thinks it buys "game time" later and that I can't say anything about it, no matter how long he plays.

Here is an example from this past week. He had a grant due and some talks to give so he didn't get to play all week nor did he and I see each other all week. He was in a horrible mood because of not getting to play and all I heard was how much his life sucked. On saturday he was at a convention all day so that evening he watched a movie with me for 2 hours and then went to bed. The next day he got up at 10 am and played warcraft until he went to bed. I gave him the cold shoulder over it and then just moments ago received an email saying I had psychological and emotional problems and didn't support him. How do you respond to that?

I would go to his parents for help but both of them are on warcraft until the time they get home from work until the time they go to bed. In fact they call him at night and ask him to go on dungeon raids with him (that can take 6 hours!) All the while I am being made to feel guilty for asking him to take some time out for me. He went as far to say that he hated his life when I reminded him that our son had a baseball game on Sunday and that it might cut into his game time, (He didn't have to go by the way.) So I end up going bowling, to the park etc. with the boys by myself while he is home on video games.

I have read about a lot of teens that are addicted but I would love a support group of spouses going through something similar. I am afraid we are heading for divorce.

[wantmyhusbandback]

Dear Dealing

Save yourself the heartbreack and pain. My divorce will be final next week. I first posted back in January asking for help. That was met by him telling me that I was looking for attention? HUH? HOW? Last I checked I was looking for help. WOW IS a DRUG and if he is weak, the game has him. He has to want to let go. My soon to be ex blamed everything on the planet for the dissolution of our marriage EXCEPT the game(that he plays on some days at least 15 hours. THIS IS NOT A LIE) Mind you, we were a little shaky before WOW, but sacrifices had been made and changes in lifestyle (I joined AA in November of 05) were made so as to work it out. It was fine up until Christmas of 2005, when my dumb a&& bought him the WOW game, thinking that it was something he enjoyed for a few hours every other day, that is how much he used to play the 1st version. SILLY, SILLY WOMAN that I was. To put it in a nutshell, my advice to you? Take your kid and run.

[Medix1]

you're right, you know

I have been in your husband's shoes-I have been the one rationalizing excessive gametime. I read a thesis once that mentioned a theory about a phenomena called "flow". It is a hunger for this experience that fuels the video game addiction, and in a way, justifies it. Peoples' sense of accomplishment is tied to their sense of self-worth and video games provide that rapidly. The special hook with World of Warcraft is that the gamer propels a discreet identity through a series of shared flow experiences... The characters have depth, much more than say Mario Brothers. I have levelled 3 characters to level 60 and I know the highs and lows. Do what my wife did-use ultimatums that force him to examine his newly wow-ified value system.
good luck.
Of course all the other stuff about finding balance is true too--it's just harder for some people, some of us have issues that make us more susceptible to this addiction...

[InOH2]

exwife in OH

My divorce was final earlier this year. My ex played games all night long and would come to bed and pretend to be sleeping right before I got up. He met a woman gamer who along with the game became more important to him. Finally he decided he wasn't happy anymore and our marriage ended. While addiction doesn't happen to everyone it is very real and is destroying lives and families everywhere. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but from my experience, unless they want to quit you are better off without them.

[laceybargy]

My husband is also addicited

I see he is on during work between appointments.He plays from the moment he walks in between 4:30 and 6:00 and will play until 2:00am.He constantly is talking about wow craft to the kids.I try to limit my kids time 1 hr week days.2 hrs weekends..I am lucky if I get to watch a movie with him once a week or get an hr of his attention.If I do get that hr he is constantly checking the clock his next group of friends get on soon he says.We have been married 13 years and it is wrecking our marriage.

[holyscroller]

Dealing with Husband's addiction

It sounds like he has already mentally divorced you, all that's left are the lawyer fees and a few hours in the courtroom. Your situation calls for tough love. Inform him that it is he with the psychological and emotional problems (and addiction), and NO you don't support him in throwing his life and career away. The time has come to make the choice between his WoW addiction or you. That's how I'd respond to his denial. And get help for the kids before they squander their lives too. BTW I'm also in Seattle. What a shame to waste your life on such a stupid game when we're surrounded by such a wonderful way of life in the Northwest. GET ON WITH YOUR OWN LIFE if he won't be a part of it now. He is no longer a companion or husband. He's now just an addict wasting his precious, valuable god-given life on a demonic computer game. You must be the strong one and take a stand.

[rainycity]

Similar situation

I have been married for over 25 years. The last 4 my husband
has been involved in game playing every evening. Our family
feels as though we are always second best for him. He would
rather play online than watch movies with us, go out, etc. Our
children are almost adults, they just shake their heads. One
night he came almost unhinged because the internet went down,
ran into my son's room and blamed him. It was ridiculous. If the
subject comes up about him stopping, he denys there is a
problem and blames the lack of interesting things to do on the
family. I think one of the major issues is that there is nothing
half as interesting for him to do if he is not playing the game.
Life seems really boring spending time with just his family. It
makes all of us feel pretty worthless. Tonight I found out that he
is playing several games at once. He is up early on the
computer, I did not know that players can set up battles, go to
bed and wake in the morning to check on the results. It adds
another layer of time that he is obsessed with the game. I don't
think he ever totally disconnects from the games. If we are in the
yard, he runs into the house to check the game, if we are getting
ready to go out, he has to check on the game. In the morning,
he is up really early to check on the game. It is all consuming. I
thought with our children growing up, we would have time to
spend together. I can see that I am not really "on his radar". It is
really sad to feel second best to computer games, how totally
demoralizing is that?

[maddogfargo]

Some ideas

Granted, not everyone becomes an addict. But since this forum IS about helping people fix the problem, here are some intervention ideas for those who need help:

This will probably get me flamed, but who cares...

If it's a computer that stays at home, try this:

Login to the computer as Administrator

* If windows 2000 or XP you might not have rights. You may be able to search for and download the 'Super Utilities' CD or 'Winternals' CD which are bootable CDS that will allow you to forcibly change the Administrator Password. OR you could take the computer to a local store and ask them if they have utilities to reset the Administrator password. If not, you can do a re-install of Windows without formatting and not lose any data - but you will be given the chance to SET the Admin password. This will give you control over the PC.

Uninstall the game

Go into computer manager and remove his account from the Administrator's group and make it a regular User if you can. Depending on your system, you may be able to set login restrictions to limit how much time he/she can spend on the PC.

Find the CDs for the GAME and Windows, including any 'system restore' CDs.

HIDE THEM - maybe give them to a friend or minister to hold.

If you are a spouse concerned about a potentially violent reaction, take the CDs, and the kids on an unannounced vacation to a trusted 'friends' house - maybe your minister or a trusted relative can help?
Don't take any calls, don't tell his / her family or anyone who might let him know where you are. Just disappear with the kids and the game and let him or her think about it for a day.
Then after a day has passed (trying to avoid being reported as a 'missing person') call him and open the conversation with one question -
What's more important to you, the kids and I or that game? If the game is more important, WRONG ANSWER. Either way, tell him or her that you have the CD's right there and then destroy the CDs while on the phone. You may want to hang up at this point, but if he/she will listen to reason REQUIRE that he / she get help before you will ever return. And do not return alone. And do not return right away.

Getting 'clean' after ANY addiction takes time. And staying clean will be a struggle as nearly ALL addicts have relapses in their efforts to get control of their life back. Some succeed and conquer the addiction or get control, but most end up cutting the addiction out altogether and never looking back. For some that's the only way.

THEN you will need to address the CAUSE of the addiction. Some suggested reading:

http://www.wired.com/news/holidays/0,1882,48479,00.html

http://news.com.com/2100-1040-881673.html

http://www.theparentreport.com/resources/ages/preteen/kids_culture/130.html

[maddogfargo]

PS

I probably should clarify my suggestions - these are IDEAS. This may not work or be appropriate for EVERYONE. Just use your own good judgement in deciding what you will / will not do.

Knowledge and understanding of the problem will help. Use the resources I posted as well as any others that you can find to inform yourself before taking action.

[worried mom]

World of Warcraft Addicton

I am worried sick about my son who will be 20 in July. He is attending college in Texas and unfortunately, we moved back to Canada last August. We suspected something was not right, but because we are so far away did not know what was going on. He has a cell phone that he didn't answer alot of the time and when he did get back to us he always had some excuse. It wasn't charged, he left it in his bedroom and didn't hear it. I thought maybe he was lonely and a bit depressed, but he said everything was fine. He is on a 4 year academic scholarship which he is now losing. The second semester of his first year he failed one class so he was on academic probation. He told us the class was really hard and he took it over the summer and passed so we didn't think too much about it. This honor student who was in the top 10% of his graduating class got an F in every class but one the second semester of his second year. His room-mate, who is also his best friend, actually called us to say he was worried about him and had tried talking to him about the time he spent on-line with this game. This was when we finally found out exactly what the problem was. That is when we went on-line to check out his grades and found out just how bad it was. My husband is picking up my son next week and they are driving back to Canada in my son's van. He's coming for the summer. He doesn't know that his room-mate spoke to us or that we know about his grades yet. I don't want him to know until we have him back with us. Does anyone have any ideas how we can help our son conquer this. My husband seems to think that we can just cancel his subscription to the game and that will be that, but I'm worried about him going back to Texas in the fall and not having us there to support and encourage him. I know there is help for drug addicts and alcoholics, but what about this addiction.

[blarf]

My story

I'm 18 years old and am aboput to attend college as a freshman next fall. Like many people here, I have been addicted to online video games, most recently being World of Warcraft. I started playing approximatley one year ago and played almost continuously until the end of last February. Because, summer vacation is about to start, I have been looking into possible hobbies to keep me busy. This drew me back to my old friend WoW, and I almost decided to start playing again until I came across this site. Anyways, the reason I'm telling my story is to offer you the way I was able to dissolve a majority of my addiction. The more I played, the more addicted I got. My addiction grew to the point that I would play from the moment I got home from school to well into the night. Although my grades didn't seem to suffer, I witnessed my relationships with family members deteriorate. My parents would constantly hound me to stop playing the game and spend some time with them. After being "clean" from WoW for almost three months now I have begun to take an interest in my families affairs and have begun to enjoy spending time with them more.
The way I was able to break myself away from the computer screen was simple. One night, after finishing a long day of playing and burning myself out I took a moment to contemplate my situation. Specifically, I focused on the actions and behaviors of my fellow gamers. They acted as though this game was real life and they expressed emotions to support this. One example is the way people seemed to treat each other. They would get extremely upset about "equipment" or the treasures they played for in the game. All of a sudden, the game appeared trivial to me and for a lopng time after that I didn't have any desire at all to play the game. Another thing that seemed to help me was my focusing on another hobby and goal. For me, that hobby was lifting weights/ running. I think it requires initiative on the part of the player, but it also takes a natural "epiphany" I think to truly kick the habit.

[sallyallsopp123]

Worried mom

hey we need to talk- my son is also nerly 20 and has given up everything for warcraft- he says he's not depressed but he has no job- gave up uni and I don't know what to do. He plays until 2 or 3 in the morning

[WoWAddict123]

Response to Worried Mom

First off thanks for posting. Posts from parents really seem to hit home with me, because i love my parents, especially my mother so much, and to hear how it affects them.. i think that hits me harder than how WoW and gaming in general has affected my own life.

I am going to give you some advice about what to do (what I, as a gamer addict, would want in able to help me quit) but first, i will tell you a bit about myself so that you understand this advice, and maybe understand where your kid has been and might be going.

All of my life i said i would never be addicted to anything. I never picked up a cigarette because they disgust me, and although i did a bit of drinking in college and high school, it was always just something to do with friends, and most of the time we just hung out rather than drinking. I even smoked a joint or two in my time (or maybe a few more..) but it was always something to do socially with friends, never something that i needed to do.

WoW caught me instantly though. I have always been a gamer, and a big fan of Blizzard games ( i was very addicted to diablo 1 and 2, starcraft, and the like ) but none has come so close to ruining my life as wow. I nearly didnt graduate college, and i would be scared to show my trasncript to an employer in hopes of getting a job. I am not dumb, infact i was probably one of the smartest students in my year in college/highschool. But all i wanted to do was play. It was (and still is.. although im trying to kick the addiction now) all i cared about. My life revolved around it. I found substitutes for the things that were missing in my life. My WoW friends took place of my RL friends. Porn took the place of a meaningful relationship with a girl (which incidentally i have never really had, and yes, this is partly due to the fact that i am very shy, but gaming made me that way) and i feel awkward and out of place just talking to a girl that i find attractive. I feel like i have become something dark and ugly, and i am lost in this dark hole that i am trying desperately to crawl out of. Or am i? Ever seen the Lord of the Rings movies? Remember that gollum fella? Yeah thats me now. MUST HAVE MY PRECIOUS WARCRACK!!!! NOOWW!!!! Really.

Let me give you some background information, maybe it will help you, or maybe it will just help me to clarify my own situation. In any case it feels good to be writing this, even if it is to an anonymous person whom i have never and probably will never meet.

I am 21 now, and my real gaming addiction started in my sophomore/junior years of highschool. It was all about diablo 1 and diablo 2 back then, and i didnt play enough to affect my schooling. My social life, football, and playing guitar in my band were all much more important than a video game. Still, it filled in the gaps of my life. My parents were rather.. strict about what i did and where i did it in high school. I can't deny that their being so restrictive of the parties i went to and the friends i had in my pre college years had some hand in making me an addict. I couldn't go to the party my friends were at, or i couldn't play in a rock band, because my dad thought that music was bad, so i played games instead. Eventually i stopped wanting to go out and see friends. I would rather stay in and play. My parents didnt mind. At least i wasnt out getting drunk or stoned or in trouble. Not that i would necessarily have done those things had i been out. I became reclusive. Introverted. Depressed. A zombie. I ate, i went to school/work and did hte minimum required there to appease those around me, whether it be boss or teacher or parents, and i played. But it was all about being able to play. In college it only got worse, since my online friends and i had been waiting for over a year for WoW to come. And when it hit, my addiction was thrown into overdrive with the speed of a bullet. If i thought about quitting, i would think "but what else would i do?", and this is the sad thing. Due to my constant playing, i had alienated most of my friends, save for a few who stuck by me. I cannot thank you enough, those of you who stick by me and don't judge me for being an addict. I realized that i have ceased being myself. I have gained nearly 100 lbs of fat. I do not do anything. I do not go anywhere. I do not see anyone. I am willingly closing my eyes off to the world and putting myself into a deep black hole. And it has to stop.

I was recently evicted from my first apartment. I wasn't getting enough hours at work due to playing too much, and therefore not getting enough money to pay for rent/car/insurance and all that good stuff. I am in debt up to my eyeballs (well .. for me at least, almost 2,000 owed is a rather large sum for only being 21). When i recieved my eviction notice, i cried. I felt the lowest i have felt in a long time. I contemplated suicide. If i had had a gun, i probably would have killed myself then, but im too much of a wimp when it comes to pain to slit my own wrists. I felt utterly alone, and i felt that no one could help me, and i certainly couldnt help myself. I felt that i was being too great a burden on my remaining friends and family. I felt that they would be better off, and happier, if they didnt have to worry about me, help me, or deal with me.

Now that you know where i am coming from, you can understand the advice that i am going to give:

Do not be angry with him. Venting your anger onto him will make him feel worse. My dad vented on me when i needed help and that was when i came closest to suicide. Talk to him about it. Learn about it. Be understanding. Be caring. Let him know that you want to help. Share my story with him if you like. Let him know that he is important to you, and that you love him, and that you care. I got the feeling from my father that he no longer cared. That he had given up on me. I was a failure in his eyes. This hurt more than him being angry at me.

As for how to get him off of it? Cold turkey is the only way to do video game addiction. Many times the actual friends they make online, and the power of their character is what keeps drawing them back. Sell his account on ebay. If he is a true addict, its probably worth anywhere from 100-1000 dollars. Do something constructive with this money. He needs to find a way to re-establish some of the friends he had before. Once he gets one or two back, hopefully his entire circle of friends will welcome him back to "RL" (real life).

[justafriend]

How to successfully remove the game!

I have seen some of you parents have taken away the game just to see your loved ones still found someway to play.
I play, but not as much. My husband plays and I can get him to stop. I wouldn't dare take his game away, he would go mad... but as parents you have to do this for your children, since you still have some form of control and authority over them. Here is what needs to be done:

1. Have them log in into their account, and delete every character they have.
Be careful, there are several servers, and they might have a few on each. so after the first ones are deleted, click on "change realm", there will be a list of all realms, click on "Characters", so you have on top the ones where he/she has a character. All the ones with a number in parentheses, click on them, select, delete all characters. Repeat for all realms necessary.

2. Delete account from http://www.worldofwarcraft.com/

3. Break installation cd's: they are about five. This is important, if not they can just install them again.

4. If you feel you should allow your kid to have a computer either for school, fun, whatever... make sure it has a bad video card. The game requires a really good one to be really enjoyed. Some regular computers have problems loading the game. So, just go to the warcraft box, see what the minimum requirement for the video card is, and make sure their computer doesn't have it. Whatever video card you get, it will still be good enough for regular computer use.

5. Check credit cards later to see there is no monthly, annual, or anything fee from blizzard.

I hope you find this helpful, and the best of luck!

[kpoluk]

very thought out but...

I for one enjoy World of Warcraft, so its hard for me to say this, but due to my obsessive compulsive'ness I need to point out that you didn't entertain the thought of MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS I have three myself and most people have more than one for twinking and farming ect.(gamer terms pay no thought).
Just so you know...

[n0t5ew]

Friend, addicted to World of warcraft.

My close friend, has begun to play world of warcraft, within the past 2 months. He used to be very athletic and social, but now all he does is play WoW. I believe it's starting to ruin our friendship, and his life. Can anyone give me some advice?

your friend,
n0t5ew

[dudefaceman]

how to stop him

first you have an intervention with allthe people who are worried about him. tell him what you feel and make him focus on other peoples feelings then if he is worth it, he'll stop. if not, he's most likely depressed

[djacouma]

WoW is a mandala

You put thousands of hours into your epic characters, into your
teammates with whom you take on these difficult challenges,
and then, one day you quit. As a guild and raid leader in
endgame, I must put forward that the time is not a futile clicking
and nikuing activity. I am required to maintain a very innovative
and complex micro-economic structure that gives DKP (Dragon
Kill Points) a value in gold to allow players to trade dkp for gold
to afford the endgame habit without having to farm (spreadsheet
of 27 linked pages), equip and hold onto players while also
carefully monitoring their phsychological well being since our
raiding agenda is hardcore even for the dedicated gamer, read
and develop strategies which I must in turn write up,
communicate prior to and orchestrate during a fight. I must
also adjust my communication skills to handle the testosterone
heavy 18-year old, the confused 11 year old and the weathered
45 year old). I game 7 hours a day but spend an hour in
spreadsheets and another hour on our guild website forums. I
lead a small elite group and work very carefully with each player
to make sure that they are both being satisfied in game and at
the same time, able to keep up in real life. My own relationship
and job are suffering but I find myself not caring. I have been
drawn into a place where my passion and creative energy can
work unconstrained. I have nothing in life to avoid - options are
wide open. This is my time to create my mandala and one day I
will bid my team-mates goodbye delete these characters - but
not tomorrow or the next day.

[anna_nitke]

Support Group

I have a very similar situation as you do... My husband and I have been married for over 8 years and we have a 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. My husbands obsession with WOW and Empire Earth is affecting our lives to the point that we are heading towards a divorce. He plays an average of 20-35 hours on the weekends alone and almost every night after work. I feel so lonely in our marriage and I have tried everything I can think of: marriage counseling x2, threats, talks etc. Last weekend we got into a big argument and he said that he would rather that we went separate ways than for him to give up his games. I still love him with all my heart but I can't live like this anymore. Please help me...

[molly_28]

Please Help Me Start a Support Group

I'm going through the same thing. My boyfriend is addicted to WOW. I feel so lost and sad. Please e-mail me so we can start a support group. I went to counseling, but I feel like they just don't understand what I'm going through. A lot of people don't even realize there's such a thing as game addiction.


Please help.

Molly

[butterflyhale]

MY HUSBAND IS AN ADDICT IN DENIAL

EVER SINCE MY HUSBAND STARTED PLAYING WORLD OF WARCRAFT MY MARRIAGE HAS BEEN VERY ROCKY. WE ARGUE ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY ABOUT THE GAME. HE SAYS IT'S NOT A PROBLEM, BUT I HAVE SEEN HIM PLAY THE GAME FROM THE TIME HE WOKE UP UNTIL THE TIME HE WENT TO BED EARLY THE NEXT MORNING. THE ONLY TIME HE STOPPED WAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND TO EAT. HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME BECAUSE HE MIGHT MISS SOMETHING. HE ALWAYS TELLS ME THAT WE HAVE THE REST OF OUR LIVES TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER. WHAT HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IS THAT IF HE DOESN'T SLOW DOWN ON THE GAME, THERE WON'T BE THE REST OF OUR LIVES. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[gamedoc]

Can he be helped?

I think the best thing you can do for your friend is try to stay friends. Likely, if you use any coercive means that may alienate him, it may cause him to withdraw more into the cyber world. I have been a long time junkie and just today deleted everything WOW off my computers and deleted my account. I did this after coming home from a trip and sitting at the computer as soon as I got home. I totalled up my hours and it was 1230 total hours played, 1230 freaking hours, over 2 a day since the game hit the shelves.

I don't know what did it for me, just seemed like a growing unease that I was playing the game to much. Sometimes I would just log on and do nothing but engage in the in game chat. No one forced me to quit, my wife has been tolerant of my habit. My habit is far less severe than my brothers gaming habit, he basically ignores his family a lot playing dark age of camelot. I have watched ultima online destroy the lives and marriage of 2 good friends of mine, I don't know what happend to them after I moved away from them but I left UO and we lost contact.

The habit is real, maybe there is no physical dependance but the phychological dependance is very real. You cannot make your friend quit, like alcohol the need to quit has to come from inside. I hope I can stay away from the game.

[molly_28]

I know how you feel

I know exactly how you feel because I'm going through the same thing right now. I'm looking for a support group and so far no help. I'm thinking about starting one. Please e-mail me at [e-mail]. Maybe we can exchange #.

Thanks
Molly

[mrhanki]

Another site to talk about Gaming Addiction

Great article.
http://www.gamingsucks.com is another website to talk about Gaming Addiction. www.GamingSucks.com is here as a creative outlet for Gaming Widows everywhere. Did you loose your loved one to WoW or some other addictive MMORPG? Then we are here for you. Rant, rave, throw a full fledged wobbly (tantrum) or just crack a joke or too. Gamers we happily accept your hatemail/perspective too.

[kingxx]

WoW and the deterioration of my family

I am a 28 year old married woman with 2 children. I am also a Registered Nurse. My husband and i began playing World of Warcraft together a year ago this month and we have stopped playing this week. Since we began playing we have slowly sunk into a full addiction. It began as something for us to do together as a couple but then things changed. I made my own friends and didnt want to play together with him anymore. We were in the same guild, but did our own thing. We shut out our real friends and family as well as each other. We would spend hours playing together and ignoring the kids, but would rarely say a word to each other. To make things worse, I met a man through this game who emotionally took the place of my marriage. We would secretly meet in the game, then we started talking on teamspeak, then we exchanged phone numbers. I was convinced that my marriage was really over, and that my husband felt the same way as well. This relationship compounded my game addiction. I wanted to spend every minute of my day online so that i could hide from the real world, so i could see my friend. I dropped my status at work to on-call so that i could be more available to this game. Even when i was at work, i had almost forgotten how to speak in a professional way because i spent 75% of my awake time talking to teenagers and other addicted gamers in the gamer lingo that we used. Our accounts are disabled atm so I am not able to log in, but i could fix that if i wanted to. It was my husband that put a stop to all this, and it's been about a week since I've been on, or spoken to my friend who he called and instructed never to speak to me again. I am at a place now, where i dont quite know what to do with myself. I need to fully delete my characters and delete the game, but i cant yet, even though i acknowledge that the game contributed to ruining my life and i can never go back. Since i have stopped playing i've been trying to make amends with my family and friends, and my poor kids and pets who i have neglected. I am severely depressed and trying to deal with that as well. I intelectually know that this will pass and i can have a healthy and normal life again, but the void i feel from the loss of warcraft and the person i considered to be my best friend because he was part of every day of my life for the last nine months, prevents me from moving on.

[Healthsaver]

Mature, is the only word

OF COURSE THEY ARE ADDICTED. You give a kid a game rated E, they wont be addicted that bad to it, you give the kid a game rated T like WoW, they become addicted to it. Parents now adays don't seem to look at the ratings of the game. They just buy it if the kids wants it. I play WoW, but I am not addicted to it, because I was 15 when I got it. For the adults who are addicted to it, I can't help you there, except you will need lots of will power. The sad part it, my parents are addicted to it. I am the only family memeber who would freeze his acount and stop playing.

[newnytalkshow]

New NY Talk Show

I am a producer with a new talk show debuting this fall in New
York City. I'm doing research on gaming addiction. If you are
experiencing this or know someone who is, or if you want to
help your spouse / partner with their addiction I would love to
talk to you.

This could be your chance to share your story with the rest of
America and receive advice from our host (a licensed
psychiatrist).

Feel free to call me at our toll free number: 1.888.372.2569
(ext. 4294), or you can email me at [e-mail].

Thank you!!!

[AnonymousXX]

Thank you, user 8675309

I'd like to offer my story in the hopes it might be helpful to someone and in the hopes that writing it might be helpful for me.

Leaving the "game" is painful. I am in the process of doing so. It's not the endless clicking that's hard to leave. It's not the perception of popularity, power, or prestige that comes with having a high level character. Although those aspects are important for some players, those things haven't been missing in my nongame life. Temporarily missing at the time I began to play, and now routinely missing (due to my gaming becoming excessive) were/are the personal connections and life meaning identified in user8675309's post.

I initially scorned these kinds of games because I didn't believe they offered the richness of non-gaming life experiences. At the urging of a friend who played, I started to play while at bedrest recovering from major surgery to remove a tumor. The other pertinent issues in my life that left me receptive to gaming's lures were the then recent death of my mother, who was the only significant loving figure in my life (secondary to my choice to immerse myself in my career in health care), and my then recent decision to leave that career to pursue a more balanced life. It was a period of physical and emotional vulnerability, isolation, and loss (of two very significant sources of life meaning). Into the void left by these happenings stepped gaming.

It was easy. It was "safe". It offered opportunity for perceived personal connection without the judgements of my peers who were stunned that I had left my career. It offered the illusion of achievement.

While online gaming relationships haven't, for me, offered the kind of authentic connection I believe we all need, they provide the setting in which hopes for that connection can be sustained. The nature of the game is that of fantasy. Consequently, many of these connections are simply that, fantastical. Who hasn't felt the happiness that comes from meeting a potential friend. Who hasn't felt the loss of a relationship that never realized it's perceived potential? Potential is attractive. What environment could be more supportive of hopeful (but unwarranted) belief than an online fantasy game where words are easy. But substance? In my experience, the same substance that was missing in my nongaming life because I was at bedrest was also missing in my gaming life because it is not available in that arena. I have met fun people who play the game. I have met people from other cultures. I have shared meaningful discussions with players. However, these people will not ever be part of my life outside gaming. We will never take a hike together, meet over a cup of tea, or share a hug. Unfortunately for me, the availability of people to "have fun" with and talk to in the game, has kept me invested there, where the potential to have a rich interpersonal life is limited. All it takes is to log in, and a hundred thousand people to meet suddenly appear.

Goal achievement in the game initially provided the "meaning" in my life that user8675309 pointed out may be lacking in the lives of some gamers. It also provided a sense of assured achievement (yes, time=achievement) as well as the opportunity to deceive myself that attaining game goals faster than other players was worthy of (some sort of) esteem. After overcoming my initial resistance to believing that leveling "mattered", it took months for me to again feel (even though I knew) that the virtual rewards of the game are empty illusions. *Shakes her head regretfully*...there is no real achievement save the initial discipline of continuing on in pursuit of a goal, some goal. This was not a new achievement for me. After a time, my usual discipline, which served me well in the game, morphed into something that was less choice and more compulsion. That, for me, is no achievement. Even now, understanding that there is no real reward for me in the game, it's hard to give up the fantasy that I'm working toward something that matters. My current job doesn't provide that satisfaction or that fantasy.

Toward the end of removing the crutch that has enabled me to limp along without addressing my social and career needs, I cancelled my membership, disposed of all my game notes, and said goodbye to my online friends. But I came back. Because I felt alone. People are busy with work, with their families, with their real lives. My career direction is missing. Is it ok to play an hour or two a night? Sure. If that's all it is. But it hasn't been. I know though what must be done. Hence, it's only been two nights back on the game before I looked today for some support...to see if others had felt the pain of leaving the "game". My heart goes out in thanks to those who have written, especially user8675309. Your reflections were very pertinent for me. My heart also goes out in support to those who are trying, like I am, to make the transition back to nongame life or who are trying to help a loved one do so. Keep trying. Carpe Diem.

[karme11e]

WoW isnt the problem, dependency is.

hello everyone, im an 18 year old girl that used to be *terribly* addicted to WoW. I played it steadily for about 13 hours a day, everyday, for three months. Eventually, with a little help from a fellow addicted friend, I stopped playing so constantly. I realised I never spent any time with people and that my parents felt ignored by me. I started eating with them again, and not just quickly making food for myself to eat while on a gryphon ride. Yes, my life has been better with the reduction/stop of WoW play time. However, I dont blame the game itself. If you want to uninstall the game or set limits for yourself, go right ahead. But I think people need to realise that its them who are allowing themselves to be addicted. The game doesn't force you to play.

[suncat]

New and unsure how to submit

Hi All - am new here and feeling quite desperate tonight as I have come to the end of my patience with my teenage sons obsession with WoW - could someone let me know how to post a new comment/story as I cant find any indication of how to.
Many Thanks
suncat

[suncat]

Gaming and Lying

Hi - am new to this site - my 17 year old son has always had what I would call an addictive nature and from the age of 10 or so been very drawn to playing games (Nintendo etc) for long periods. I have been aware of his inability to monitor his World of Warcraft playing for a while now - and have avoided confrontations as it seems to lead to him lying about times and episodes of him playing - recently there have been greatly escalating incidences of headaches, skipping school, finding him up in the middle of the night (when he said he was in bed) and general anger and sickly appearance, unwellness, falling behind in schoolwork and lying about school. On Monday morning he was actually dry-retching (partying with friends and no sleep Saturday night and later I found he was up all night playing WoW on Sunday)I was still in some kind of denial about it all I guess - he even had me take him to the Drs twice in the last fortnight re what he said were insomnia problems.
This highly intelligent. previously physically very fit and social young man is worrying me so much - and he has the most eloquent arguments for why this game is so good and why it is me and my generation who have the problem - I agree - the game is not the problem but the addictive people it may sometimes attract. After Mondays incident I woke up -
I limmitted game playing to the period between Friday 5pm to Sunday 5pm and he was so angry - yesterday (another day off school due to migraine???) I went into History and found he'd been to many other WoW related sites ("Not playing") re chatting etc and was still obsessively doing so last night. He seemed in a better space with me though - so this morning I find that the computer room light is on and some things I had downloading are paused - I am ropable with him - yet he hotly denies anything to do with it. I told him - (due to my obvious paranoia) - its better that we disconnect the modem at night till this whole thing settles (he is playing p...d off at being distrusted and its very difficult)- its the lying 9to others and himself) thats causing me great difficulty - and I guess my deep fear that he'll run away. hurt himself or turn to drugs if we come to a greater problem.

[Wow Parent]

I Empathize

It would take me hours to write a summary of our experience with our son and WoW. He is bright, has a great sense of humor, and used to be very respectful. He was a son that any parent would be proud to claim. He always loved video games but they never seemed to impact his life, nor his desire to participate in other activities with friends and family. He played Never Winter Knights and we became friends and correspondents with the friends he made there.

He and his NWN friends all got World of Warcraft shortly after it was released. Our son was a level 60 and in a guild by July, 2005. His NWN friends did not join the guild.

Grades and behavior had begun to decline in January of 2005 that year and have steadily declined since then. Our first removal of the game was in October, 2005 and coincided with my first post on this forum.

Currently, we have parental controls established . However, we feel certain that our son is able to play, simply by logging in as a friend's character. His game usage has been reduced, but certainly not stopped. He frequently asks for addictional time. Most often, his father allows him more time in order to avoid the angry outburst and name-calling that will occur otherwise.

Our son has is now on medication but claims he is not depressed. He admits that he is addicted to the game but does not see it as a problem.

We have learned one thing from this and are still working on it...if married or divorced, you must form a united front in dealing with any undesirable behavior. And second, you must not re-negotiate. If you say no more WoW, forever, then be prepared to follow through.

My husband and I disagreed (and to some extent, still do) on limits. Our son wanted to play, got verbally abusive and obnoxious. My husband could not stand the family chaos and gave in (3 times now) despite no improvement in grades.

We have finally found the support to understand that we must deal with the child and behavior we have NOW, not the one that we knew prior to his life on WoW.

I agree that the relationships formed in the game are as much an an addiction as the game itself.

I have yet to find an expert who will give me a definitive answer to dealing with this addiction. He is still a minor. Do we cut him off completely? Or do we continue with parental controls and try to reduce his usage? He will be off to college (hopefully) and we will no longer be able to manage it. His father's position is that he must learn to moderate himself.

I am sorry to give you more questions than answers. But we have been through every possible means...doctors, family counselors, school counselors, behavioral counselors, online forums. Not one has given us a clear answer to our primary question. Should this addiction be treated like a drug or alcohol addiction? We would not knowingly provide our son with a drug if he was addicted.

I see this "addiction" as an addiction. You can't have "just a little". If you cannot control your eating, does it mean that you should never go to a grocery store again? If you are an alcoholic, does it mean that you can never go to a party where alcohol is being served? Or does it mean that you must learn to choose appropriate foods in the grocery store or request a non-alcoholic drink at a party.

Computers are here to stay and (obviously) I use them myself. I would like my son to use the internet for research and leisure, but I believe he must stay away from WoW and all other MMORPGs.

If there's an expert out there to offer advice on my question, I would love to hear it!

[pastore69]

The end of the WOW rope?

I would like to let you know that you are not alone. My son is 2 months shy of being 16 and threatened to kill himself due to his addiction. Thank GOD it was just a cry for help, because he is willing to receive help. He has gone to the extreme of skipping school, being a straight "F" student, even though he was a "A" student until last year. Did I see the signs? Yes, I did. Did I fail? Yes, I did? Did I know that he would be an obsessive compulsive gamer? No. He thought he was in Devil's kitchen and saw no way out. We are starting BioFeedback sessions for him, and I completely disconnected the game from his computer. He has a lot of friends who care about him, which I am very proud of. Tow of his closest buddies were right there for him last night when he wanted to run away. He felt shame, guilt, hopelessness and fear of what was yet to come. My baby admitted to the fact that the game WOW is constantly on his mind. 24/7. He says that his personality which is that of a perfectionist, did not allow him to quit. He had to try to get to the highest level possible. As of 16 November 2006 he has no more access to the game in our home. He is truely struggling. But he knows that I am right there for him.

Hang in there. I know we can hardly comprehend the complexity of this new kind of addiction, but we must put all prejudices aside and fight in unison.

[Darzo43]

I have a problem

Alright, Im a 15 year old with a very addictive personality and I have been playing WoW for about a year. My english teacher told me about the video game and I became interested. It started off mellow I would play on and off and could keep a steady relationship with a girlfriend, do all my homework, and skateboard with friends. As I began to play more it started to steal my soul and I devoted all my time to the game. I came home from school played till dinner than went back to playing. I began donig my homework during class or in the morning by having friends giving me their answers. I stopped paying attention to my friends and became reclusive. The real world began to become a threatening place and I lost my social touch. Once I hit 60 my real life was OVER. My guild controled my scheduel to the point where I would skip meals and everything I could to make raids because of my guild masters pressure on attendence to loot policies. World Of Warcraft was my life because I played more than I did anything else I began staying up till 4 am to play and got mayb 2 hours of sleep before I played again. I ate one meal a day which was quick so I oculd play again. I avoided my parents and this made them concerned. I was caught playing at 2 am and Now play only from 6:20-1am everyday which is still alot. I regret ever buying this game for it has ruined a year of my life. Its hard to get away from it and I have yet to not play one day. My wow character is more important than my human self at this point and I cant help it Im an addict. The addictive nature of this game and my addictive personality are not a good mix. If your kids are addicted to this game please try and save them from themselves... If I could go back I would have destroyed my game and gone on with regular life but now im basically a blizzard zombe

[laststand65]

wow addiction

first of all i want to say thank you to all of those heartfelt stories.
It has helped me realize the true demon that i have become addicted to.
I am an 18 yr old male about to start college. I cannot explain how much this game has screwed up my life and could possilby have continued to screw up my life without help.
wow screwed 1) life 2) family 3) friends 4) school 5) possibly my future
it has ruined the majority of my highschool memories.
It was one of my good friends who got hooked me on this game even after he warnd me over and over its addiction.
But this trial is coming to an end with the help of another friend, who i unfortunatly sucked into the game. my other friend was addicted at first too but he luckily and intellectually rationalized that it was just a game.
it was with his support that i am now able to fight this addiction.

The only thing i have to offer is that this is a powerful demon. one that you cannot overcome by yourself.
"Seek shelter among your friends, there you will find your strength"

the best of luck to you all
-Matt

[sarahihatewow]

Its a game !!!!

Im a nearly married woman of 1year , my husband got told about this game 6months ago, Some stupid bloke who he works with, that plays it constantly and phones him up to talk about doing raids!!!I used to have the most loving hubby in the world When he got that game he would play it from 8 in the morning till 5 in the morning!!. he did this for a month and even went sick off work!!!I told him to sort it otherwise i would divorce him !! He listened and now only plays 4 hours aday although he trys to push me wiv babe just another hour !!!Its just a game do you really want to lose the people you love for a stupid virtual world!!
Sarah

[sarahihatewow]

Its a game !!!!

Im a nearly married woman of 1year , my husband got told about this game 6months ago, Some stupid bloke who he works with, that plays it constantly and phones him up to talk about doing raids!!!I used to have the most loving hubby in the world When he got that game he would play it from 8 in the morning till 5 in the morning!!. he did this for a month and even went sick off work!!!I told him to sort it otherwise i would divorce him !! He listened and now only plays 4 hours aday although he trys to push me wiv babe just another hour !!!Its just a game do you really want to lose the people you love for a stupid virtual world!!
Sarah

[Wow Parent]

A Final Attempt to Help

After 13 months of painful struggle, we found ourselves incapable of keeping our (now 17 year old) son away from World of Warcraft. He continued to deny a compulsion/addiction. His life, and our family life, continued to spiral downward.

He is now in a wilderness location where he will have no access, while undergoing therapy.

I cannot imagine what it is like to be a spouse/partner/parent of an adult in denial. Although this last attempt comes late, it was at least available to us. Once an individual is 18, it is no longer possible to forcefully intervene.

Unfortunately, this site is most likely viewed only when a problem with excess gaming has surfaced. I would advise parents to forbid MMORPG use for more than an hour or two a day. If a child wants more, remove the game and all access immediately and never give it back!

[Horde>Alliance]

Worldofwarcraft

FOR THE HORDE!

[yarrr]

horde pwns alliance

hahahahahhahaha

[hankdad]

Mixed results

I'm not sure that taking the game away solved the problem. He got very depressed and continued to want warcraft for months. We agreed to give it back to him on a limited basis in exchange for maintaining a minimum level of school achievement and attendance as was suggested by a counselor. Unfortunately that plan was a failure as was that semester. His only aspirations at this point are to move out of the house and get a job so he can get an apartment and an internet connection and play the game as much as he wants. He acknowledges that by doing this he will probably lose his job because he will play the game all night long if he were allowed. I'm afraid that this is a lesson that he's just going to have to learn from life by hitting his own rock bottom. It's a hard one to imagine as a loving parent but I'm afraid that is the only way he will get back on track. He has to be the one that decides that the game is ruining his life, even though it is something that I allready know. Right now he is attending an alternative high school that accelerates his graduating and is working toward his diploma. He' only been going a few days and so far it looks promissing. When he is not at school we are letting him play the game as much as he wants as long as he turns in all of his work, attends all day every day, and recieves C or better marks in all of his classes. If these are not met, the computer goes into storage. I hope he can at least learn to prioritize enough to get his high school diploma. I imagine at some point he will get tired of wasting his life on this game.