Comments on: When the PC becomes a parenting problem

About a third of parents believe the Internet sucks up too much of their child's time--so what do you do about it?

[ehfla]

Just Use Parental Controls

With Vista, you can limit the hours that your kids can use the computer. You can also limit which web sites they visit.

[Penguinisto]

You don't need to buy Vista just to be a parent.

You can do it yourself. As, you know, a parent.

Most stores sell a little router you plug into your Internet connection, and in it are tools that allow you to put in all forms of restriction. If you worry that the kid might play on it when you're not around, just unplug the video cable between machine and monitor and take it with you.

Of course, just being a parent and shutting the thing off works too.

/P

[MarkSt33]

Or use something like ComputerTime

For lots of reasons, it isn't easy for many parents to always be able to monitor and get the kids off the computer and get the kids onto other healthy and productive activities.

This doesn't mean that they are "bad parents", just because they decide to use parental control software.

Also, Vista's parental controls are lacking and who wants to upgrade to Vista anyways right now.

Have a look at ComputerTime. It is very flexible. (http://www.softwaretime.com/)

[arobb24143]

Boo Hoo...Poor Parents...

This article highlights a bigger issue...parents who don't know how to parent. We, my wife and I, give our kids a lot of freedom to choose how they spend their free time, but at the end of the day what we say...goes. That's our job as parents. Parent first...friend second. Granted it's simply more than telling a child what to do...it requires spending a lot of quality time so that they know you really care and are not just ruling their world. When it comes to computers (we have six in the house), I tell them straight up...not only am I your parent...I'm your system administrator !! Ever hear of a router? I can control access and with the router's logging capability I can see where they go. I have their Outlook set to leave copies of email, sent to them, on the server so I can view at my discretion. etc etc So I say...Boo Hoo to these parents...you are your own worst enemy. You've enabled your children to walk all over you and until you change your parenting tactics...they will continue to do so.
regards,
allan

[hmiller24]

Parents

I am in total agreement here. I have software on all of the computers in my home that tracks what my children are doing. The internet is great learning tool if you show your children how to use it right. I let my children explore the world of technology. Parents, need to learn how to be parents. Show the kids you love them, but let them explore the new world of age.

[Penguinisto]

Exactly.

A computer is no different from a video console (remember the Atari 2600, folks?), or any other toy.

I recall that my parents had zero problems with getting my semi-rebellious teenaged self away from the old Intellivision rig - it was a simple matter of pulling the plug.

If I had a kid in the house like that described in the article, it would be a simple matter of setting the router to deny access during dinner time and after bedtime, and probably even setting the machine itself to shut down during dinner, at bedtime... just as a friendly reminder.

But then, if the ever-so-exasperated woman was doing her job in the first place, it wouldn't have been a problem.

I realize that parenting is probably the hardest improvised job in the human experience, but honestly - we've been doing it with varying degrees of success and failure for over 3 million+ years now, so it's not like there's no precedent as to what works and what doesn't.

/P

[nuckelhedd]

RAH RAH RAH

Well said..

[ognen_93]

Poor parents

I know... Hard to belive... but truth...

[nicmart]

Pathetic

American parents are role models for helplessness. Turn off the
damned computer! Turn off the TV! The truth is that many
parents don't object to these devices, they use them as
surrogate parents.

How pitiful is the parent who can't set rules for his child's
computer use because he spends time on a computer himself.
Must children be able to do everything their parents do?

Set rules and live by them; and don't be such a selfish and lazy
parent disengaged from your kid. Problem solved.

"In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat
children as adults, and adults as children. The options of
children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are
progressively constricted. The result is unruly children and
childish adults." -- Thomas Szasz

[chash360]

Ditto, you got it exactly!

Honestly I am quite happy to let my teen spend as much time as she wants on the websites I allow her on (Wikipedia, HyperPhysics, etc.) They contain so much more information and more organized than anything I had when I was that age, I am glad she likes learning. Parents need to understand how to manage their PC better if they think they don't have some kind of control over it. If I want to lock some function out, I can, If I only want to allow a particular game to be played during certain times, its a computer, you can do that... If I don't want to appear to be the bad guy in all this, hey its easy enough to claim its the computer's fault, for not allowing them to chat online when they should be doing their homework. If anything Computers are a blessing for parents, I can see what they search for, what their interests are, things they might be scared to ask directly.

Maybe its a little overboard but I also feel if you don't know how a car works you shouldn't drive one either. Same goes for computers.

[bigforrap]

Glad i dont live in America then...

But yea... youre right. Im a kid... and OF COURSE I WANT FREEDOM, INDEPENDANCE, AND ALL THAT STUFF EVERY KID WANTS. But if all kids are given too much... then society is at its knees. Its for the greater good. Forget the fact that we're crying... because if you stop our crying then one day we'll make everyone cry. Unruly kids will destroy the mainframe of society.

Im 14. You guys wont take me seriously. But i dont care. I just post my views. And im not the stereotype kid.

[ColdMast]

When Parents are the Parenting Problem

the PC is a requirement for learning now, the most general jobs require a computer.

It is up to the parent to do the parenting. The TV and PC aren't going to make the kid do the choirs, go outside and get physical activity, or eat healthy.

[Dr_Zinj]

Simple, but hard

Assign them tasks to do. Chores, reading, exercise, homework, extra curricular ACTIVITIES. Keep them busy actually doing things. Restrict their time of access to an hour of free time and pull the plug (sometimes literally) when it's over.

[VWXYZadam]

from the veiw of a 14-years kid!

im a 14 years old boy, and i use the computer ALOT! up to 6 hours a day.

but it seems like I have a bigger problem with it than my parents. my parents let me do like i want on the web because they trust me, and so far they have had no reason not to!

i do well at school, very well actuly and in 8. grade it aren't to hard so homework isn't a big time eater (normaly 10 minuts, when projekt up to max. 1 hour)

I'm pretty in to healthy life, and want to live long and most importent of all live well (not get sick when im 60 and live the last 30 years of my life half dead) so im eating healty and going to a bit sports (4 hours a week)and in week ends i go at least one long walk.

that is importent for me to feel like im not are pure computer nerd, besides that i very creative with my computer, using The GIMP, Maya and hoping to get PhotoShop some day.

and know what? all my freinds are like me, some even worse with computer

im happy as i live right now ^^ but hope that i in the future can spend less time on the computer and more time with freinds (freinds more than 4 days a week) but right now i don't feel like having a problem

im one of the most active in my class and in gym i can see the resultat, am faster, stronger, and more cleaver than the most others so don't planning on spending much lesser time on the computer ^^

[137H41]

Ok, "14-years kid"

Maybe you should spend less time on the computer and more time in school studying how to spell and use grammar correctly?

[Lynn.nyc]

You can't even spell the subject line right!!

I am so sad for this generation! You know what? I'm 25, I grew up with computers (mostly Macs) and I can use all of the programs you listed in your post.

I play games (I like strategy and RPGs) and I use AIM and myspace. However, I can write! I don't string my sentences together in to one massive run-on. Please learn how to use spell check. People won't take you seriously if you misspell things and don't speak properly.

And my Dad would be pretty mad to learn you think 60 is so crotchety :)

[jhawk44]

I pity your poor english teacher.

"14-years kid", first off: lrn2rite. 90% of your comment is misspelled, and if you ever want people to listen to your opinions in matters such as these, you need to learn how to state things intellgently instead of writing like a stone age caveman. It took me awhile to actually decipher what the heck you were saying.

- A 16 year old kid.

[kinoc2]

I am a 12 years old kid and I've got 5 eMails

Ok. Children do stay a lot at computers I mean my life is my computer, but ain't that good? I mean, I've got 5 Emails with all different passwords and I am not going bad at school actually I am one of the best students and whenever I don't know something I search on the web. I enter here every day and spend at least 30 minutes reading reviews and news. Well I know what to buy and where to buy everything. That made me smart.NOT STUPID.

[dusty42682]

Good consumer

That's great, kid. Glad to hear you're growing up to be an efficient consumer. Make sure you buy lots of expensive things to stimulate the economy.
Make sure you spend time playing outside, too. That's very important. Trust me, when you're grown up, you'll wish you had more time to spend AWAY from the computer.

[Lynn.nyc]

That may be....

However, your punctuation and grammar are atrocious.

Also, having your computer be "your life" is terrible! When I was younger (I'm 25 now) I was expected to play outside and socialize face-to-face with kids my age.

I think you must not be a native english-speaker, your composition seems decidedly foreign.

[orangeipodman]

Illiterate

If you are on of the best students why don't you try to show it through good writing style? It may be true that the internet is not decreasing your IQ, but it certainly seems to have erased any speck of English grammar from your head.

[linuxnewbie5]

Not the point

I too am interested in computers and am also very smart, but I am smart enough to know that while computers can enhance your education, they also can make you a recluse. I realize I spend a lot of time on my computer and in doing so, has hurt my social skills. Now, I am not saying computers are a bad thing- I love them. I am just saying that they are not all good, or all bad. I say that it is fine to go on the computer, as long as you continue to refine your social skills. There is a balance somewhere, where you can go on computers and still be able to make friends easily, and be tech smart.

[b_baggins]

The parent is the problem, not the PC

The moment I saw the line "began refusing" I knew all I needed to know.

In my house, my 8-year has learned that when I say dinner, he comes. The idea of refusing doesn't even enter his mind because he knows what the consequence will be.

In my house, it would never get to the point where I would have to ban the computer because my child was refusing to come to dinner, because my child wouldn't be on the computer without explicit permission in the first place.

Let me give a tip to you parents out there struggling with this issue.

The first time your 8-year old refuses to obey you, realize that you have screwed up as a parent. Suck it up, and take confidence in the fact that with your child at the age of 8, you still have time to repair the damage.

Now, once the child refuses to obey, you immediately go over to said child, lay a good whack on his butt and tell him: that wasn't a request, get your butt over to the dinner table. Now.

Depending on how slack a parent you have been, you may need to repeat this a few more times over the next couple of weeks until your child realizes that disobedience will be consistently punished.

And just FYI, I am the father of 10 children, none of whom have EVER refused to walk away from the computer for dinner.

[lynjs]

My sentiments exactly...the Quality of the Parent

Bravo!!!! Applause all around. I'll admit that I don't have kids. But I have seen from observing others that folk have let their kids run roughshod over them with the gadget.

I applaud you for disciplining your children, something that is lost today.

I am 41 years old and my brother is eight years older. If my mother said not to turn on the television, we didn't. There was no such thing as grounding, banning, etc. She went and got a switch and dusted our legs and bottoms and that was the end of it.

The lack of discipline concerning the pc which is a tool and not a toy is the reason that so many kids become victims of online predators or wind up going off with grown adults.

If there were more parents like you and as well as my mother, the many problems on and off the pc wouldn't even exist. We need to get that back.

Thank you. You made my day.

[zgreenwell]

Computer time isn't a problem

Given that most creative people of our day spend tons of time on the computer I don't see the computer itself as a problem. If the kids are doing things that are inappropriate it is their actions that are the problem. Most kids are spending their time online socializing with friend. I doubt parents would look on five children sitting in the same room talking as a problem. However, if that conversation takes place over the internet it is somehow wrong. Further, the skills that these kids develop using a computer will be more helpful to them when trying to find employment in the future. I don't think it should come at the expense of physical fitness, but to just tell the kids to get off the computer and go outside is hardly a solution. Se an example by taking the family out to exercise together once in a while and supervise their behavior online, but don't just blindly limit their time.

[Leria]

I have to agree

I have to agree that the main reason that parents are saying that their children are 'spending too much time on the computer' is because they think that they are missing out on human interactions..... but let's face a harsh truth: most parents won't let their children visit with other children in this day and age because they are too scared to the 'big, bad pedosexuals' who aren't big or bad in all reality.

The problem is partially the parents here, not allow their children to go out and explore their world anymore because they have made the very 'boogie men' that they say they are trying to protect their children from with the anti-pedosexual laws of today.

[Ristic Break]

The More Time The more The Tech Chance

Iam 12 year Old i have +75 Email Accounts. Since The computer Entered my life 5 years ago I knewed nothing about tech but internet made me a techie

[itstheoldindy]

The more things change...

Ever since I was old enough to want to watch something other than Sesame Street, we had screen-time limits in our house. It was something like an hour on weekdays and two hours on Saturdays. When we got a computer, that didn't change -- if we wanted to play games for half an hour, we had half an hour less TV that day. (When I decided I was interested in writing, my parents agreed with me that I didn't have to limit my writing time on the computer any more than I had to limit my writing time in a notebook.)

I admit that as an adult I go through phases of being glued to the computer for no good reason, but if nothing else my parents taught me that it isn't healthy to do that for too long, any more than it's healthy to crash out in front of the TV for four hours a night. If I catch myself doing that I can shake myself out of it before I start engaging in truly addictive behaviour.

The computer is such a multifunctional machine. Maybe rather than limiting the amount of time spent 'on the computer', you can limit the amount of time a kid spends on electronic entertainment (which could be computer or TV) and chatting with friends (on the phone or online), without cutting their access to things they need for school or things that encourage their creativity (even if those things involve the computer).

And honestly, leaving your kid alone on the computer is about as smart as leaving your kid alone at the park. If your kid has street smarts, maybe it's safe. If you don't teach them that stuff, they'll get lured into all kinds of trouble. Common sense is not instinctive. (I can see that there are kids and teens reading this as well -- don't scoff and say 'I know how to take care of myself', because that never helped anyone in the real world or online. Be skeptical and think critically instead of believing what you want to believe.)

[matizzy]

from the view of a 14 year old kid (not like the kid before me)

I am a 14 year old kid and i spend a lot of time on the computer, but i dont think it affected me. if anyone lives in brooklyn/manhatten/queens then you might know the school Stuyveseant. thats the school i go to (rated number 1 public school in Newyork, you can only get in by test taking). the only reason kids spend time on the computer is to talk to friends or entertain themselves after a hard day's work. there was a new "hot button" this year about computer adiction, THATS A MYTH. come on people there is no such thing, we kids are not addicted, just bored and computer kill the boredom, and thats all it does, kills boredom.

[rdude3569]

AWESOME

you totaly hit the nail wit the hammer on that one im 13 and i agree with 120%!

[weaselman50]

Yepp

Im also 14, computers only kill my spare time i might be learning about some software, playing games, watching videos, and talking to my friends but i still know id rather be outside doing my everyday hobbies with my friends. I know computers affected me in the best possible way. By learning. there is no addiction for me, its an excuse for me not to watch tv and stop stuffing my face full of food.

[Connor565]

It depends what they do

Unless the kid is spending every second he has on a computer, it really depends on what they do while they're on a computer, not how long they're on. If pretty much all they do is play games, than that is wasting there time when they could be doing more productive stuff. I'm on computers a lot, but playing games is not the top of the list on what I do on it. Times change, and more and more things rely on computers, but just sitting around playing games or doing other pointless things on a computer is a lot different than keeping in touch with people and getting work done, although they can both be done on computers.

[Leria]

There is a reason why children spend so much time online

It is because their offline lives are so blase and boring, that the things that they play online are more exciting than real life.

It's time to realize that the main reason that people becoming 'internet addicts' is because they have nothing in their lives that is important and that they can do because things have gotten so expensive today.

I can't go swimming at my local swim center during the summer because it costs nearly 2,000 dollars just for the summer! It costs 4,000 for the whole year, which includes a pass to a indoor swim center near where I live.

Parents, start making your children's lives more fun and they will stop being online so much. Take them out to skate rinks. Take them ice skating. Take them bowling. Sign them up for a sport! Just get them something to do BESIDES sit in front of the computer that is fun and they will SWARM to it like a bee heading towards a swimming pool full of honey!

[play7]

www.secondlife.com is becoming this

Those that know and LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH love will tell you. Philip linden and friends over at Linden Lab is now tell everyone including learning experts. That second Life platform is a great way to teach kids a second languge. Well thats if you want to learn to swear in German, French, Japanese, Spanish, Korean. That is why second life right now has so many over 60% of the total population that are under 18 years playing the game.

[Zzzyax]

I blame bebo+myspace

All the social sites such as bebo and myspace are to blame for this.

Also to blame for children being sexually abused over the web.

[The_Decider]

re

The problem is that morons are blaming bebo and my space.

The REAL blame rests squarely on the shoulder of the parents.

[matizzy]

ok dude chill

ok maybe he did misspell a lot of words, but he had a point, even though the way he wrote didnt really back it up

[09jhill123]

i think that it is stupid

I think it is stupid to run all of those tests there is nothing wrong with it you learn stuff on the computer to thats why scientists don't no **** and they think that it can be cured with meds.

[bigforrap]

Why target the kids?

I know that they (to an extent) misuse the internet... and forget life in its reality. Its true that socialising has become digital and so has homework, gaming and pretty much everything else... even your old family pictures.

Have you ever been in a situation where something new, or which even remotely eased your life was available? as an adult... would you try and get it? Now think like a kid. Its human nature to want the easy things in life... to not have to work for it.

If a kid had these options:

walk 3 miles to a friends house to discuss something random.

discuss it over the phone (therefore spend money)

use an IM, which while not 'free', is a lot cheaper.


>> Id say the kid would pick the phone... but if he/she was money concious the IM would be the best choice.


HAVE YOU NEVER SPENT A LONG TIME TALKING ON THE PHONE? At least when you were a kid? Well... technology has evolved. The computer is the new phone.

The world is 'small' now. I myself go to a school 45 km away from home. Most my friends live the same distance away. How am i supposed to communicate with them?


As for not playing outside... I suggest you blame yourselves. Who came up with the Nintendo Wii and the PS2 Eye-Toy? Little kids?

Even health concious people like me are drawn to excercising with consoles such as that. Nothing can compare to the real thing... but if youve never experienced the real thing (like most these kids)... you will of course be drawn to the easier solution. Who wouldnt?

If this is really to be stopped i suggest you limit developement of these softwares, games and technologies to adults only. NO EXCEPTIONS. because if ONE kid has it... all will want it.


PS: Again... from a 'retarded' 14 year old. sorry i didnt tell you up there, but i figured you wouldnt read this unless i did.

Im going outside to play basketball now. Real life is better than the computer... but the computer is still enjoyable. Who doesnt like an escape form reality?

PSS: There are a lot af adults who are addicted to games as well. I suggest CNet writes a story about them fast...

[timmyyyy18]

From my POV...

Personally as a 16 year old, I have to admit I spent way too much time on the computer. And still do, to a certain extent, except this time for different reasons. Internet gaming used to be my worst enemy - I would play until 2-3am just playing them, and would think of nothing else at school. It's kind of a 'phase' you go through, I recently had a chat about it with my mates and we ALL had a gaming problem one time or another.

But we got over it. Now, I realise that it ruined me academically and socially, and I'm starting to set my priorities right again. And about parents, they're always overseas so I did it myself. But it took me 3 years. When they're here though, and tell me to turn off the bloody computer, I throw a tantrum and be angry for the night, but the next day when I have school I thank god they did or else I'd fall asleep as soon as I sat down in class.

As for targeting the Kids, I think rap is right. The internet's there for us to use, so... why not? It's INSTANT and it's FREE (well, except for the bill) and there is no limit. I guess balancing the time on and off the computer is the problem, but as a parent, try not to 'force' your kid off the computer, because they will HATE you for it. Show them the results of them spending too much time on the computer, so they will realise for themselves that they alone are ruining their own life. And... never tell your kids how you never spent that much time on the computer and you worked this hard did this did that because quite frankly, we don't care, and you never had the temptations that we have now on the internet back when you guys were kids.