The evil Sanrio empire will stop at nothing in its quest for universal domination. As it continues its relentless assault by land and water, it is also manipulating the elements with such devious schemes as seizing our air supply. And now, as winter nears, it's commandeering our heat sources as well with the "Hello Kitty Space Heater"--an obvious ratcheting up from its USB lap warmer and other guerilla tactics.
A special thanks to Hello Kitty Hell, our spiritual leader in The Resistance, for alerting us to this latest plan. We agree with one of his readers, who fears being scarred by a Hello Kitty face burned on her leg--which may well have been Sanrio's plan for this all along.