You've probably heard the news: for several days, employees of Google's NYC headquarters were "terrorized" by a snake on the loose in the office. (A "Googler," whose identity shall remain anonymous, kept the 3-foot-long ball python named "Kaiser" in his cubicle. That is just so Google.) Luckily, a member of the building staff managed to find the snake last night. "Member of the building staff," yeah right. They totally had to call in Samuel L. Jackson for it.
But this should be a wake-up call for all of us. You never know which one of your wacky co-workers is stashing a python in his office (around here, my bet is on Dan Ackerman), and you never know when it might escape. So, because we care about you and your workplace, here is Crave's guide to office gadgets that can help you catch a runaway python.
--Stuffed animal speakers. I bet you never thought that speakers that looked like cute, fuzzy frogs and piglets would come in handy. Well, you're wrong. I'm sure someone in your office has a few of these hooked up to his laptop, and they'll make great python bait. Just plant them around the office; the fugitive snake will likely think they're tasty treats, and you'll be able to corner the slithery little guy as he attempts to chomp down a novelty iPod speaker. Yum!
--Remote-controlled spy camera. Pythons don't have legs and they are kind of flat, which means they can go in lots of places that humans can't. But spy cameras on wheels can! This way, you can control the rolling video camera from your PC as it prowls the office in search of your missing serpent.
--Pikachu. Mongooses are snakes' natural enemies. Unfortunately, you typically won't find them around the office. However, you might be able to find a Pikachu somewhere. I hear those work just as well.
--Rescue robot. Chances are, your escaped python will be in distress when you manage to find him, especially if you've already terrorized him with remote-control cars and Pikachu. As a result, you may not want to pick him up to return him to his cage, since he might freak out. Why not have this rescue robot do it for you? Oh...what? You say you don't have one of these in your office? That is so 20th-century of you. Get with the program, because you never know when you might have a python problem on your hands.