We've finally found a solution to our global economic woes, and it turns out it's been hidden in that old plastic gray box that turns up at yard sales every summer. That's right -- the old-school 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System, and more specifically the megahit game Super Mario Bros. 3, which is filled with huge gold coins.
Lighthearted real estate site Movoto came up with a way to calculate the estimated value of one of those not-quite-fully-round medallions through a little fuzzy math, and the results are enough to make an 8-bit Ben Bernanke sit up and salute.
The site estimates that each of those coins is worth a whopping $508,829.16. To arrive at that number, Movoto did a simple comparison of the size of a coin to the size of Mario himself in the game. Using real-world Mario portrayer Bob Hoskins as an analog, they determined that each of those coins would be roughly 18 inches across in our world. At current prices, that much gold would fetch more than a half million bucks.
Ironically, Movoto also calculated the cost of Bowser's castle from the game and determined that Mario could have easily bought the entire estate for one coin. Makes you wonder why the brothers didn't just buy the Princess' freedom rather than jumping over all that lava and abusing those silly turtles.
Clearly feeding a digital nostalgia obsession, Movoto went one step further and created the below infographic to convert real dollars to Mario coins. Plug in all 16 trillion dollars of the national debt and you'll find only 31.5 million Mario coins would cover our national liability. OK, so that's a lot of coins, but nothing a handful of Korean super-gamers couldn't handle in one, long Red Bull-fueled weekend.
Of course, it will take some doing to export the coins from the Mario world to the real world, but we could always just borrow another trillion from China, and then pay them back with our first few million inter-dimensionally transported Mario coins...