Throughout our lives we get to experience milestones of absurdity. In the moment, we may be rendered speechless (that time I saw a pig on a leash in Central Park, or the bike jousting that's become so popular in my Portland, Ore., neighborhood), but upon reflection these milestones at least serve as fodder for great stories. I mean Tweets.
The technology is simple: The expecting woman's audio player of choice plugs into a controller on a belt, which is rigged with four speakers and designed to make said pregnant woman look utterly fashionable. The controller utilizes a patented "Safe & Sound Technology," which regulates audio output to an "in utero" level of safety regardless of whether the mom is doing any ear damage via her earbuds.
It follows, of course, that cell phone calls can also be directed toward the womb, in case an absent partner or grandparent-to-be wishes to convey general cooing sounds.
None of this should be terribly surprising in a world where unborn babies can share photos of their womb homes or tweet their best karate kicks, and where a less-fashionable baby music belt already exists. Yet I am still rendered (almost) Tweet-less.
I, for one, miss the good ol' days of the early 2000s, back when pregnant women had to actually play music on stereos or computers for their unborn children to hear. Soon enough women won't even talk to their tummies anymore, but rather to their smartphones, which will be wired to their tummies. Because let's face it, the high-tech way is always the better way.