A heartbreaking tale of Duracell knockoff iPod earbuds

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

I just last week spent $30 on new iPhone earbuds. Mine were in the pocket of my favorite peacoat, which was recently stolen by some awful human being. I was shocked by the price, but that's the Apple way.

Today at my local QFC (the "Q" is for quality), I saw the above item for $5.99: eight AA batteries with iPod earbuds included for free! Imagine my excitement! I'll have a backup in case in the jacket thief (or, indeed, thieves) decide to strike again! For less than one-fifth what the fancy name brand cost! I scored, right?

I mean, look at them. They look just like regular iPod earbuds. They're white, shaped with the same design, and feature the helpful "left ear, right ear" icons. I'm sure they're of the same quality I'd get from Apple.

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

I needed the batteries because I'm a photographer. I mostly take photos in the evenings, which means I use an external flash that burns through batteries. That's what prompted my purchase. But at this point my excitement wasn't about the bargain of the power sources but rather the bargain of the free--I mentioned they were free, right?--iPod earbuds!

But wait, is that a flexing bit near the plug? I don't recall my iPhone or iPod earbuds having that. I'm sure it's because these are better. It must be.

Here is the unboxing, because we know you gadget nerds love unboxings.

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

Let's see how they work with my iPhone. Clearly, that's the device these white angels were made for. What's this? They don't fit! The recessed earbud jack on the 2G iPhone is too narrow! Now I'm back to square one!

But maybe they'll work with a regular fifth-gen iPod?

They do. They have a use. And they sound like crap. Total, complete crap. No high end, no low end. It's all a clippy, muffled mess. Not saying the iPhone earbuds I just bought are stellar, but now I see the value in $30 for them. These are garbage.

At least I got a good deal on the batteries.

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

(Credit: Matt Hickey)

[stigmattaman]

This article is a waste of bandwidth.

[L-Well709]

Are you kidding. Great article. I saw the same batteries at Wegman's today and I laughed so hard when I saw this posted. Thank you so much Matt.

[clem_cowsie]

It was written just for laughs. When you see Just For Gags or America's Funniest Home Videos on TV, do you comment that they're a waste of time? Besides, how CNet uses their bandwidth is of virtually no concern to us.
Personally, I thought this was a very funny article.
Matt Hickey probably just bought these batteries and these earbuds for each other. He decided to buy the batteries because he was curious as to how good the included earbuds were, and I'm thinking that the only reason why he ditched reusable batteries this time was because he wanted the earbuds.
It's nice that the earbuds have a flexing thingy (what do you call them?), though. Even my $25 Panasonics don't have that kind of stuff. But, if I was into the whole taking-electronics-apart business, I could always find the mentioned battery pack, dye the plug black, and graft it onto my current earbuds. I bend my plug too much for its own good.
Another note: $6 for eight batteries is pretty good, I guess, but throw in a pair of cheapo earbuds and you've got yourself a steal. :P

[Someone-else]

Nice to see people saying that Apple's "$30-ultra-well-made" headphones are as good as any other one.

And also, why don't you use rechargeable batteries? They saved me a lot of money.

[Shaymojack]

I don't care how badly these sound, Apple's earbuds are pretty horrible and can't sound too much better.

[letsgethightech]

Smart packaging!

[ssjmichael]

What a terrible article. Matt you seriously thought this was newsworthy? Are you so clueless to the fact that there are countless white earbuds out there and Apple has no ownership of the color white, or even this design. You also seem clueless to the fact that Duracell never made any claims that these were authentic iPod earbuds, so why question their authenticity?

The fact that you'd pay 30.00 for replacements instead of actualyl getting a quality pair of headphones speaks mountains about you and how much you're buying into the iFad culture. It's sad to see a writer at Cnet drinking that much of Jobs' Kool-Aid, but I digress.

[TechnoMan475392]

Hey! Yeah...over here! CHILL OUT!

Think about this (and I think Matt was thinking this, too): Millions of average American consumers think that headphones are headphones and some are just a little better, but not much. Trust me, I know. So this article was obviously written from a point of view of one of the average Americans!

You have to think outside the box...

[TehFluent]

You began a trail of epic digression the moment you thought the author was being anything more than sarcastic. It's a genius article, poking fun at the very culture you mention. Loosen up and re-read the article, the cynicism is evident.

[Boomstickedition]

I agree I mean this dude writes for CNET and he can't even go over to the MP3 insider and read about Jasmine France's articles or Donald Bell's and read about how there are cheap earbuds but sound 10 times better than the stock earbuds that Apple rains upon people. I mean seriously the only reason to get the official Apple earbuds is to be be part of the millions of other people who have no clue how bad they sound compared to what you can get from Sennheiser, Sony, Etymonic, Shure and pretty much any company that isn't Apple.

[katexter]

If what you want is a low-cost headset that's of the same quality as the originals, check out http://myiphoneheadsets.com/

[ssjmichael]

Genius article? Seriously, you're using teh word genius to refer to...this? Look I see that he's being cynical, I also see that there is zero use for this article. Was it really entertaining to see some texh guy buy a cheap pair of headphones and to write about how he thought they were the real deal?

Is it really that fun for you to read the sarcasm of him describing how much worse they are compared to real Apple earbuds? Because in all honesty, isn't this all a given? They're free headphones with a pack of bloody batteries.

Again, I reiterate the uselessness of the article. I think the only heartbreaking thing in the article is that Matt spent 30.00 to replace his stock earbuds.

Still can't believe anyone would consider this "genius". I don't claim to be a good writer at all, but anyone describing this as genius needs to start reading some real news or something.

[TehFluent]

I was extremely amused by this piece, it was an entertaining article poking fun at some real issues. Simply by the title, "A heartbreaking tale of Duracell knockoff iPod earbuds," you should have immediately known that this wasn't going to be some great breakthrough of monumental importance.

[Shaymojack]

The amusement for me died as soon as he mentioned the earbuds sounding bad. If you were truly going to pay $30 for a replacement pair of Apple earbuds, you wouldn't notice anything bad about them.

[pjoshua5000]

You don't use rechargeable batteries. Duracell has some that are precharge. They can be use like 100 time, maybe more. Well I hope you at less recycle your wasted (dead) batteries.

[ca128]

Entertaining!

These earbuds would be fine for my kids and their Nintendo DS's.

[thescale]

"I needed the batteries because I'm a photographer. I mostly take photos in the evenings, which means I use an external flash that burns through batteries."

I do hope that was said in jest.