Like a Republican congressman with the government, Bill Nye's doctor tried to shut him down.
At the end of last week's breathless, insane attempt to be the body double of Beethoven dancing the paso doble on "Dancing With The Stars," Bill Nye injured himself.
Lunging toward the lap of his partner, Tyne Stecklein, he tore his quadriceps tendon.
Like a good scientist, he went to see the doctor. The doctor cast a smug eye at him and said he wouldn't recommend anything other than a wheelchair.
Nye decided to eschew science for pure religious faith. But he had platelet treatment, just to keep science happy.
Manfully, he decided he would perform a jazz routine, quad be damned. He might as well have mounted a quad bike.
For Stecklein produced a piece of choreography that involved trying to get Nye to move as little as possible.
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In the dance, it was Nye the, um, Future Guy, looking like a disinterred moonwalker.
The music was "Get Lucky," which seemed anything but all that jazz. It was anything but lucky for Nye.
He moved with all the fluid swiftness of the line at the DMV. He stood like a futuristic Swiss Guard at the Vatican, while Stecklein tried to demonstrate the stunning flexibility in every one of her working joints.
At the end, while her teeth shone as brightly as they could, his battery ran out.
"I don't know what Bob Fosse would say about the jazz, because I didn't see any," mused judge Bruno Tonioli.
Judge Carrie Ann Inaba added: "You only had one leg to dance on."
By the end, that leg was taken from under him and tossed onto the fire. He was eliminated from the show.
He had tried his best. But with that kind of injury, not even Lance Armstrong's doctors could have put him back together again.
In the end, he fell by the wayside, just as techies Mark Cuban and Steve Wozniak had before him.
There must have been one overwhelmingly sad piece of data dancing around Nye's brain: he didn't outlast Snooki.