Your Internet's hacked? Your brain's been smacked? Who're you gonna call? McAfeeBusters.
That, it seems, is the hope of John McAfeee, the man who stood for antivirus software, and spent quite some time running from the police in Belize.
He now wishes to make a triumphant return to Silicon Valley by performing the one act that everyone craves: He wants to make the Web unhackable.
Yes, McAfee believes he can outsmart all the Estonians, Serbians, Englishmen, and even Americans who believe the Internet is their evil little playground.
As the Contra Costa Times reports, McAfee told it: "My new technology is going to provide a new type of Internet, a decentralized, floating and moving Internet that is impossible to hack, impossible to penetrate and vastly superior in terms of its facility and neutrality. It solves all of our security concerns."
McAfee aims to reveal much more of his new company on Saturday, according to the Contra Costa Times. However, he said he would be commuting from his current home in Portland, Ore., to the Valley.
More Technically Incorrect
Some might imagine that McAfee's claims are fanciful, rather like much of his life. He is still a "person of interest" in the unsolved killing of Gregory Viant Faull, a 52-year-old neighbor of his in Belize.
It's reasonable to wonder, also, just how current his security skills might be these days. It's not as if he's been involved with the business since the 1990s.
But who better to defend the little person against the grabbing hands and prying eyes of governments, corporations, and nefarious individuals, for whom scruples are mere dandruff they brush off with a causal finger?
McAfee insists he still has money. ("Maybe I have less than I had 15 years ago. Maybe I have less now than I'll have five years hence.") But who will be prepared to do business with him?
I can imagine a venture capitalist or two, keen to break a lean streak, rushing to his door and tossing millions at his feet.
After all, look at some of the other things that get financed. At least McAfee has a track record.
And, well, there's also a movie or two coming out about him, isn't there?