I don't always get emotional. But when I do, I don't drink Dos Equis, I try to express my emotions in as measured a way as I can.
However, I am currently struggling to contain myself at news that is contained in Bloomberg Businessweek.
Olive Garden is offering tapas.
This information may or may not move you. It may leave you entirely indifferent. It may, however, make you wonder why I am mentioning this in Technically Incorrect.
I can explain. Although, not with complete equilibrium.
You see, Olive Garden is struggling a touch. It feels it ought to attract those who are not in their dotage and not in party sizes of 10 that eat what should be enough for a party size of 50.
So it's decided to offer tapas, such as tortellini stuffed with cheese and garlic hummus and chicken meatballs.
Should you already be preparing your unhelpful "why is this tech news?" comment, might I help you by pleading for patience?
You see, one of the reasons that an Olive Garden manager from Irving, Texas, offered to Bloomberg Businessweek was quite fascinating.
He said it was easier for younger people to text and check their cell phones while eating handheld bites.
Handheld food for the handheld millennial.
I am sure that it was this very thought that lured the great Jose Andres to America from his native Spain in order to create wonderful tapas restaurants like Jaleo.
I feel confident that he said to himself: "We need a menu that will make it easier to tweet about the menu."
I feel positive that he mused for many hours: "Can you eat my ensaladilla rusa and text your best friend Gloria at the very same time?"
I feel quite certain that he forces everyone to taste his tapas, while tapping one-handed numbers and messages on their little Nokias, Galaxys, and iPhones.
More Technically Incorrect
What an exciting trend Olive Garden might have inadvertently tapp(as)ed into.
I feel sure that there will be a whole new genre of cuisine named Nouvelle Cell.
Annotated next to each dish will be the exact dimensions of the portions, coupled with the probabilities (prepared by Nate Silver) that you can freely text without strain for the whole eating experience.
Perhaps instead of wine pairings, Nouvelle Cell will offer the optimum type of cell phone to accompany each tapa.
I can even see specific tapas that will be married with specific apps.
Chorizo and snap peas, perfect with Snapchat. Or tender lean pork, perfect with Tinder.
We should all be grateful that Olive Garden has examined the customer it's trying to attract and decided to pander to his or her every technological whim.
We've come a long way from Los Angeles' Eva restaurant, which bribed customers to give up their cell phones before the meal had even begun.