If I were holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, I would be creating naked, wall-crawling videos, learning to grill marinated mongoose, and constructing a temple to the Bay City Rollers.
Julian Assange seems to be heading that way.
Please let me tell you slowly how he appears in this video that is occasionally peppered with naughty words.
Well, the WikiLeaks founder dons a mullet wig. He also wears a headband. And he mimes to the great '80s John Farnham classic, "You're the Voice." Oh, and the lyrics have been somewhat rewritten. Sample: "We've got to make things leak, so we can get much bolder."
I am sober and your eyes are working perfectly well. Let's continue.
Why would he do this? The swift and superficial would reply: "Because he's stuck in the Ecuadorian embassy and he's Australian."
And they'd be right.
For this opus is the work of Australia's Juice Rap News. Think of these people like Jon Stewart, but with a far, far more sophisticated chemical ingestation program.
Juice Rap News prefers to describe itself like this: "The internet nation's off-beat musical current-affairs program, responsible for turning bollocks-news into socio-poetic/comedic analyses, which everyone can relate to and understand."
More Technically Incorrect
This video was created to toss meaty, barbed spittle on the Australian political barbie.
It takes a few minutes for Assange to appear, as the rap first has to skewer the candidates standing for Prime Minister.
Ultimately, though, they are mere amuse-bouches before the amusing Assange.
Actually, he doesn't seem completely comfortable, as if he could have done a few more takes to perfect both his miming and his self-deprecation.
Some say self-criticism isn't quite his strongest trait. Indeed, his purpose in appearing here is to remind Australian voters that his WikiLeaks party is seriously campaigning for election in their delightful country. Assange himself would like to be a senator.
More importantly, this is Julian Assange wearing a mullet wig, miming an '80s classic and doing it -- as the presenter encourages -- to connect with "all the Sheilas and blokes back home in Oz."
We will all look back at this moment in world history and claim proudly that we witnessed it.
Altogether now: "We're not going to sit in darkness; we're not going to live with fear."
Unless, of course, we're stuck in the Ecuadorian embassy in London.