I've never thought you could completely trust all cats.
Some are far too knowing, far too cynically affectionate not to be attracted to organized crime.
I could never find the proof until this year. Now, that proof is redoubling.
You might remember that, in January, Brazilian police accused a cat of brazenly crossing a prison yard with a cell phone, accessories, and a saw strapped to it.
Now, another feline felon has been caught. This time, in Northern Russia.
As Agence France-Press reports, authorities in the Komi region claim that an innocent-looking black-and-white furry thing climbed the fence of its No. 1 corrective labor camp.
It was allegedly armed with two cell phones, batteries, and chargers. Just as in the Brazilian case, these were strapped to its body.
The cat's daring attempt seems to have caused the no-doubt affable Russian prison guards deep pain.
"The prison colony is at a loss: Nothing like this has happened in the prison's history," a prison spokesman declared to the AFP.
One can only imagine the sheer emotional anguish in a Northern Russian jail when something out of the ordinary occurs.
Still, it is imperative to discover where these cats are being trained.
I say this only because, thus far, they seem to have a 0 percent success rate when it comes to cell phone delivery. Clearly, there is something amiss in their methods.
More Technically Incorrect
Is it that they're trying to cross in daytime? Or are they being trained by those who haven't watched enough animal shows on TV?
I delved deep into the Russian media to see if I could find any clues. RIA Novosti helpfully explained that sometimes, cats are used in southern Russia to deliver drugs to inmates.
The method, apparently, is that inmates who are being released take the cats out of the prison in their bags as they leave. Presumably these are local prison cats.
As they depart the prison gates, they hand the bags to drug dealers. The dealers stuff drugs into the cats' collars and the cats return to their home in prison. Cats like to return home.
Still, the cell phone method offers a different dimension.
RIA Novosti did sound one very ominous B-flat with respect to the cell phone-smuggling feline: "The fate of the cat is unknown."