In our philosophy class today, we will be discussing this existential question: What is the opposite of a Genius Bar?
In Jon Stewart's view, it's a group of senators attempting to fawn all over Apple CEO Tim Cook, instead of heating him up next to their goat steak and their veal sausages.
It was inevitable, perhaps, that Stewart might have an observation or two about Cook's odd appearance in front of the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations. (I say "odd appearance" because he was wearing a tie.)
The "Daily Show" host was most taken by how utterly fanpersonish so many of the senators appeared.
Instead of giving Cook an earful these senators seemed to express: "I want to iF*** you."
"Apparently there is nothing Apple can do to get us mad at them. They're dodging taxes. They've got suicide prevention nets outside their hell factories," mused Stewart.
Indeed, as far as Stewart is concerned, we're all just as uncritical as these senators.
"We could find out they're using kitten hearts to power iPhones and we'd be like, 'Well, if it doubles battery life, I'll take two!'"
More Technically Incorrect
It got to the point where the senators wanted Cook to solve their problems. Perhaps they wanted Apple to create the Taxcode Nano.
So simple, so cute and so very inexpensive.
This despite the fact that it might just be corporations and their wily lobbyists who have caused the tax code to become so infernal in the first place.
"This is Apple." said Stewart. "They believe in simplicity. They wouldn't use complexity just because it suits their business needs?"
To support this theory, with quite joyous aplomb, he displayed just one small element of an Apple agreement. You know, the one to which you agree every time you see it because it would take far too much of your time to read it.
And even more of your time to attempt to understand it.
Corporations, you have to love them, don't you? Because, well, they suffer so much. For us, you understand. For us.