I am bracing myself for a knee-jerk reaction here.
For this is the story of a man who is said to have taken multi-tasking to an entirely exalted level.
The scene, as painted by the Mobile County Sheriff's Office in Alabama, is that 19-year-old Dandre Moore drove a car while texting.
Actually, the police say he steered the car while texting with both hands.
So how did he steer the car? Well, police say that he used his knees and told them he'd been doing so since he was 15.
As the Alabama Press Register directs the story from earlier this week, there is still one more kink that might just drive your senses to an altered plane.
More Technically Incorrect
In the back of his car were two women and a three-year-old.
Oh, and 386 oxycodone pills were allegedly discovered in the car, along with some Xanax, $5,000 in cash, and some pot in Moore's undergarments.
There is one other point that police would like to emphasize: the allegation of texting with both hands does not mean he was using a single phone, holding it steady with one hand while typing with the other.
He was allegedly on two phones, texting on each of them one-handed.
Moore and his front-seat passenger -- who both live in Philadelphia, Miss. -- were arrested and charged with various drug offenses, but not, it seems, with any driving ones.