One should never expect justice in life.
The best one can hope for is poetry.
And yet, just once or twice, both manage to collide with a deliciousness that moves the soul.
Here is the tale of a teenage girl who had her iPhone stolen.
iPhone theft is rather popular in New York. Indeed, Mayor Bloomberg recently suggested that it's responsible for an increase in crime in the city.
Anyway, the iPhone-less girl collared a couple of policemen, but the miscreant was not to be found.
However, the thief then decided that he'd try to get some money for the phone. So he met a man on a Flatbush street -- as you do.
The man asked to take a look at the phone. Perhaps he wanted to see whether Siri was still inside.
Then, he ran off with it.
Yes, this is slightly poetic. But we've only just begun.
You see, the boy thief was not very happy. After all, he'd had his recently acquired property stolen. So he went off in search of a policeman to report the crime.
I pause for your sound effects.
More Technically Incorrect
The police reacted with unusual efficiency. They corralled both the boy and the man who had taken Siri from him. But they still assumed the boy was the victim.
Are you ready for verse three?
The phone rang. It was the girl trying to do a deal to get her phone back. The police realized something might be amiss here. This seemed to be a miss who actually owned the phone.
So they waited for her to arrive in Flatbush. She recognized the boy's sneakers. They were pink.
I pause for your further sound effects.
The police decided it was time to play Solomon. They would slice the phone in two if one party didn't renounce their claim to the phone.
No, wait. They asked both the girl and the pink-sneakered boy to unlock the phone with the PIN code.
You're already there, aren't you? Both the actual thieves were brought to justice -- the actual kind. And the girl got her phone back.
There are several morals to this story.
One, don't steal iPhones if you're wearing pink sneakers.
Two, if someone does unto you as you have done unto someone else, take it onto the chin. It will help you understand the feelings of others.
Three, if you're the kind of New Yorker who thinks they can always get away with it, well, you can't. Not always.