It's a wonder Apple ever manages to sell any of those pesky iPads.
At least, that seems to be the pulsating thought that oozes from numbers analyzed by a company called Ace Metrix.
These no doubt diligent and well-meaning sorts decided to rate the TV ads for all the different tablets that are currently vying for a place in your living and rest areas.
You may be stunned into the principality of Catatonia to discover that real human beings were allegedly far more moved by ads for the Samsung Galaxy Note, Google's Nexus 7 and even Amazon's Kindle than they were for that also-ran, the iPad.
Such was Ace Metrix excitement that its executive vice president of marketing, Jonathan Symonds, declared to Mobile Marketer: "The main finding is how successfully Samsung is competing against market leader Apple in creating advertising that is resonating with consumers -- and, by comparison, how the Apple ads are falling short of competitors'."
You might wonder what criteria Ace Metrix measured. Well, apparently its matrix comprised such important concepts as "attention, persuasion, relevance, information and watchability."
Yes, like the world's finest engineers and gigolos, these people think they can put a number to anything.
It seems that the most excellent tablet ad for 2012 was Samsung's "The Best of a Phone and Tablet" 60-second spot, which I know many of you can recite without even looking down at your tablet ad notes.
Indeed, Ace declares that the sheer fascination of this ad revolves around its exposition of the Note's exciting new technological feature. Yes, the stylus.
While Google's Nexus 7 ad with daddy and son camping in the garden and Amazon's ads for Kindle also exciting the populace, not one iPad ad made the Top 10.
More Technically Incorrect
I know that some will offer explanations beyond the fact that most of the iPad ads have been remarkably recessive. They will indicate that the iPad had no effective competition, and therefore became the generic for the category without seeming to try too hard. As competitors scrambled to create something similar -- or, at least, cheaper -- Apple rolled out new versions, which were a little more exciting, but only a little.
And yet Apple's share of the tablet market is still expected to be 62 percent this year.
Naturally, those with apple-shaped hearts will be hoping that the company manages to do something a little different with the next iPad iteration. But what? Lighter? Smaller?
When it comes to ads, though, most of Apple's are simple product demonstrations. The best Apple ads are the products themselves.
The question is whether, as was evidenced by the iPhone 5, Apple can bring some truly revolutionary aspects to a product that has moved from revolution to everydayness is a couple of short years.
I can see Apple designer Jony Ive mulling over the finest new stylus designs. Actually, no -- I can't.