Sometimes, love is two-dimensional. Especially, it seems, for men.
I never thought I would be able to write a more moving headline than "Man marries video game character." But here we are, gathered today, to celebrate the union between Lee Jin-gyu and a pillow.
Yes, it has taken a mere three and a half months for the video character betrothal to seem nothing more than cheap publicity for stunted minds.
What is so very beautiful and exciting about this union is that the husband can take his new bride anywhere. I have, indeed, embedded a little footage of the happy couple at the amusement park, strapped in for what promises to be a wild ride.
The bride, you see, is called Fate Testarossa. It would be beneath me to suggest that she is built for speed. Indeed, she seems from the footage to offer a comforting and reassuring presence in a world that has clearly gone beyond any normal definitions of insanity.
Fate Testarossa is a magical character in the Japanese anime series "Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha." And she is imprinted on this "dakimakura" pillow in a most lifelike, serene representation.
It is quite understandable that Lee, a 28-year-old Korean, fell for such a peaceful, uplifting, and upliftable presence. Understanding is, indeed, very important in a relationship. And my own understanding is that Fate Testarossa chose not to wear heels for the marriage ceremony, as the footage suggests she may, in fact, be taller than Lee.
Fox News reports that many people are petitioning the Japanese government to make such unions-- ones that give a whole new expression to the concept of pillow talk-- legal. Indeed one petitioner reportedly declared: "We've no interest in the 3D. If we could, we'd like to live in a 2D world. Now if you'll excuse me while I go shoot myself in the face."
Metro.co.uk quotes local media as saying: "They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal."
I am appalled that these feelingless, inhuman, retrograde members of the media refer to Fate Testarossa as "it."
She is clearly someone who lives and loves to the fullest. She is clearly someone you can take out to dinner, knowing that she will not put french fries up her nose, nor screw up her face when you make an untoward joke. She will never put on weight, except, perhaps, when it rains. She is clearly absolutely the right woman for the forward-thinking, sensitive crusader that is Lee Jin-gyu.