Microsoft employees assault customers (with a dance)

Spontaneity doesn't come naturally to everyone. Neither is it welcomed by everyone.

So please imagine how those who visited the new Microsoft store in Mission Viejo, Calif., a few days back must have felt when store employees suddenly decided to drop their trousers, wave their Zunes in the air, and sing a couple of Maria Callas' greatest hits.

No, it really wasn't quite like that. However, I feel sure that one or two people might have preferred the trouser-dropping and Zune-waving over the spectacle that actually occurred.

As the Black Eyed Peas were forced to propel some of their entirely commercial stimulation down the sound system, the employees performed their own version of the line dance for the one-legged. Because I am consumer-focused at every moment of my waking day, I found myself concentrating more on the reactions of the customers than on the techniques Spike Jonze might have used to make this an MTV VMA winner.

As the employees line up for this troubling, tourettesy Texas One-Step, one already feels a strange squeezing sensation on behalf of some of the customers.

Around the 1.15 mark, a little girl, her hair ponytailed with a yellow scrunchy, makes as if her vicinity has not been invaded by dancing, clapping, or stray employee sweat. She sits. She stares into her screen. The adults make fools of themselves.

Yes, this is the Microsoft store version of "The Ice Storm."

Two minutes of constricting visual constipation are temporarily saved by three ladies who rush in from the mall to join in. These women, their purses held in place by a determined gravity, begin to show the employees just why Fergie's tunes are precursors to a fiery personal life.

Look, I'm lying. But they are definitely better than the tall, blond string bean of a chap whose twisted movements are rather too similar those of certain people who bought Vista and couldn't make it work.

I want to like this microcosmic flash mob of dance. I really do. However, once the balding chap holding the Brookstone bag joins the shifting knee-lifting, I find myself searching again for the little ponytailed girl staring into a very fine PC. She has not turned her neck one degree to observe these escapees from reality. She seems to have decided that this is not Miley Cyrus, this is not even Cyrus Vance, ergo this is not happening.

But it did happen, spontaneously, in Mission Viejo. That's the place where the mission is old, right?

[zeke321]

The female employee in the greenshirt should have been on the front of "Newsweek" rather than Sarah Palin. That's some nice software.

[Super2online]

And packaged to perfection I might add...crack me up!

[Random_Walk]

Cute, but hard to see for the first half due to that fat nerd in there (whose looks scream "I'm a .NET developer!") constantly hogging the camera. Bummer.<br /><br />Author has a point, though... most of the customers in there looked around like "hey - whaddafrig, man - I'm trying to do some shopping here!?"

[traxx09]

They could just take that girl and put her at the front of the store jumping up and down and that' d get all the male customers in there you could handle.<br /><br />BTW Chris, there's basically no story here so you just make up a bunch of crap and call that journalism. CNET earning its stripes. Good job.

[Random_Walk]

By the way - turns out to be an astroturf job. Details here: http://www.roughlydrafted.com/2009/11/18/microsoft-retail-store-gets-odd-viral-marketing-buzz/#more-3958

Just because "Microsoft" is doing something unorthodox to their worldwide perception (uncool, suits, dorky) doesn't mean its bad. I bet Apple employees would do the same if they had room in their cramped stores. They are trying to have fun nothing more. I have come up with a theory. Microsoft + Fun = People complaining of their sad attempt. Really people? Are everyone Apple fan boys? I like Apple but I am no fan boy. I would have joined that dance. Who agrees?

[ajay555]

In agreement with you on this one buddy.

[ckurowic]

Trying to have fun because windoze is so boring?

[Random_Walk]

nah - no probs with the dancing, though I would've expected to hear not the Black Eyed Peas, but Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart". The reasons why are too plentiful (and disturbingly perverse) to relay into words...

[solitare_pax]

The dance is akin to those restaurants where they force as many staff members as possible to loudly sing "Happy Birthday" to some poor bloke on the other side of the room - embarrassing the heck out of him, and ruining part of the dining experience for the rest of the people there.

[Tedders85]

"I bet Apple employees would do the same if they had room in their cramped stores."<br /><br />Have you seen their stores? Not cramped at all. Have you seen pictures of the Apple store on the upper west side of NY? That thing is friggen huge.

[Random_Walk]

"Have you seen their stores? Not cramped at all. Have you seen pictures of the Apple store on the upper west side of NY? That thing is friggen huge."<br /><br />Agreed - the ones we have up here are a bit smaller, but they're only cramped because they're packed to the rafters with people looking to buy stuff. They have no real need to try and draw attention from Mall passerby*, since they already have customers coming in by the bucketload.<br /><br />* that whole Microsoft Store dance was after all an attempt to draw in people from outside the store, else someone can explain why it is that all the dancing was done at the front of the store...

[mtf612]

I gotta say at least it was not a complete fail. <br /><br />The store however...<br />Listen microsoft... "I know you came out and pretty much said that you were stealing the idea of the Apple Store because it was such a great idea...but come on. Im a PC if you will, but I have an iPhone. Thats the only time I go to the apple store, to look at new ipod models, get new accessories. BUT when you said you were taking the idea I DID NOT THINK you were going to pretty much cover the apple logo with a windows logo and call it a day. COME ON! The store is freaking identical! To all the other apple stores...<br /><br />Microsoft...GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME! On future stores, if there are future stores, please make them look at least a little more...windows like. I understand the shirt color idea, but we need more! Different tables, different flooring, and a different layout is needed. COME UP WITH AN ORIGINAL IDEA.

[Random_Walk]

I dunno - there are some diffs in there (though from the looks of it, they did get the flooring, tables, and glass front from the same vendor...)

[WileySkier]

I think it's more akin to J Crew or Banana Republic, but with electronics. The openness is definitely similar to the apple store (where I picked up an iPhone on Friday) but the apple store feels kinda sterile and cold. The pictures (http://news.cnet.com/2300-13860_3-10001937-1.html?tag=mncol;txt) make the environment seem warming and inviting. Just my opinion.

[kormiko]

Microsoft ... I already use your product. <br />Now, stop trying to be cool. <br />You are failing and embarrassing yourselves and your new employees who need these jobs right now.<br /><br />There's nothing wrong with being John Hodgman.<br />Even though he's cooler than his "I'm a P.C." persona.<br />He's on Daily Show and Coraline. So, yes, he's much cooler.

[johnny--99]

Pretty funny how most of the real world Microsoft employees look just like the "I'm a PC" guy in the commercials.

[tjw572]

Microsoft needs to work on its customer service. Instead of tending to its customers, it ignores them and breaks into song and dance for nearly 5 minutes. Granted most of the big box stores ingore their customers too. I think most of them are full of themselves. They need to get the attention off themselves and direct it towards their customers.

[artsavant]

It's OK to ignore. Nobody was buying anything anyway.<br /><br />but Chris, shame on you for pretending to think this was spontaneous. Or do you often get into the beat and the dance steps spontaneously in front of a bunch of strangers who just happened to be having a video shot. I guess you're always breaking into song behind Buffy and Spike singing a love duet, too.

[LLIB_SETAG]

@ 2:10 minutes the female customer with white tee &#38; black shoulder back comes into store. She then shop lifts an item, puts it into bag, puts bag up on shoulder &#38; joins the line dance with store employees. At end of video, she is gone...shoplifting?<br /><br />Also, when apple had a banner at Macworld Expo stating "Redmond, start your copiers" uhmmmm that didn't mean to steal the store.<br /><br />What is YOUR brand Microsoft? <br /><br />Pale copy of Mac OS since day one when your were just a developer for Apple before Windows OS. LAME! Embarrassing video! LMAO!

[richardk32]

I can't say for certain, but at 1:53, the woman with the white tee can be seen in the mall outside the store window as she and her friends rush in, and it looks like whatever she puts in her bag @ 2:10 is already in her hand. Bad dancer, yes, thief, probably not.

[BobForsberg]

I was there...awkward and silly. Use this opportunity to educate and define product while giving users with difficulties professional help. Trying to emulate a reality show will acquaint Microsoft with a Gateway style disaster.

[wusupjohn]

Sippin' on that haterade i see.

[rapier1]

Dear Chris, <br /> <br />Really? This is the kind of thing that you think about? Really? That's just kind of sad. No, it's just sad. <br /> <br />Best of luck,

[bringback]

So beyond tired of Mac hipsterism that this was a breath of fresh air. <br /><br />Dorky, awkward, and yet they pulled it off. <br /><br />It helps that Windows 7 is a game-changer. Terrific OS. Finally.

[bringback]

So beyond tired of Mac hipsterism that this was a breath of fresh air. <br /><br />Dorky, awkward, and yet they pulled it off. <br /><br />It helps that Windows 7 is a game-changer. Terrific OS. Finally.

[jonny-mt]

Every time I read a comment from a fanboy (on either side), I feel myself getting dumber. I know this is like the Great War of Computing and all, but give it a rest, people!

[TheAtomicSoul]

One minute folks, one minute is as long as this should have lasted. Any more then that and it gets old. <br /><br />Unless I was dancing, then it could last _forever_... and still be awesome.

[zeke321]

LOL! :)

[richardk32]

Johnny Rockets does this better, and you get fries with it.

[PiCASSiMO]

I have both Windows 7 and Mac OS 10.6 at home, along with Windows XP... use both for their appropriate software needs. So, I'm neither a PC or a Mac.<br /><br />But I thought this dance was a little cheesy... and felt that after 1-minute, I would feel a little awkward in that store. Should I watch these people line dance or go about looking at what they have in the store? But if I was there, I wouldn't able to do some "shopping" due to the traffic they have taken up in the aisles.<br /><br />As for the MS Store... aside from dedicated MS products like the Zune, I'm not sure what else unique computer/electronics equipment does MS have. If they place other brand of computers, say HP or Dell, would they include every manufacturer or simply single out the ones that would pay MS hefty money for advertising their product?

[saab_snaab]

I'd quit on the spot if I had to do something this ridiculous and some kid doesn't get a free cake. <br /><br />By the way what draws people into a Microsoft store? Software? Software, that I can get from a hundred retailers by swinging a dead cat. Oh, that's right they also still make the Zune (I thought that they had let that ship sail) and the Xbox. <br /><br />Microsoft needs to learn that people don't like to be homogenized. Take a lesson from GM, just b/c you've been the leader in the clubhouse for years doesn't mean that in you're not putting out inferior products for a price/value point.

[orphu]

Amen. I mean, gosh, look at how open Apple's hardware is. No homogenization there, whatsoever ;-)

[delltechkid]

So that was a little weird but what does this statement mean??<br /><br />"hey are definitely better than the tall, blond string bean of a chap whose twisted movements are rather too similar those of certain people who bought Vista and couldn't make it work."

[4score20]

Good ol' Microsoft. They know they're never going to be cool (Apple has that sewn up) so instead they're embracing their inner and outer nerd/geek. I mean sure you're awkward and seem to be trying too hard but that's what nerd/geeks do, we try too hard. I mean, "they" try too hard. ;)

[bringback]

haha I like this. spot on. I'm developing a grudging respect for Microsoft.

[sharmajunior]

Why are most of the employees at that store FAT!...I mean compare that to Apple with its medium to healthy/fit employees at their store. <br /> <br />Maybe its just an analogy for how bloated/fat windows is as compared to OSX....LOL <br /> <br />Didn't mean to start a flame war....just had to get it out of my system.