Were the Northwest pilots arguing Mac vs PC?

Perhaps, like me, you always turn to your left when you board a plane.

Not because first class is that way, but merely to take a quick look at the pilots to see what they're doing and whether there's the faintest whiff of spliff or Johnny Walker wafting from their cabin.

So I am fascinated beyond excitement at what two Northwest Airlines pilots might have been doing on their laptops Wednesday night.

You see, these experienced men, Richard Cole and Timothy Cheney, were piloting a red eye from San Diego to Minneapolis when they seem to have forgotten to take in the final Minneapolis part of the journey.

They were somewhere over Wisconsin when, according to The New York Times, a flight attendant happened to call them, with a vaguely relevant question about the time of arrival. The time of arrival at Minneapolis, a city they had already overflown some time before.

You might imagine that the pilots had fallen asleep. Your suggestion is supported by the fact that they seem not to have responded to repeated entreaties from air traffic controllers for a chat.

Tests have reportedly shown that the pilots were not drunk. In interviews with concerned members of law enforcement, Cole and Cheney reportedly said they were on their laptops discussing a new scheduling system.

You see, they are Northwest pilots who now are under the Delta banner. And Delta does things a little differently.

I suspect you might scoff at this explanation.

You see, they had allegedly pulled out their personal laptops, which is a violation of Northwest policy, Delta policy and, one imagines, the policy of every airline bar. (Except, perhaps, Southwest, whose pilots wear leather jackets, strut through airports as if they have just returned from the Battle of Britain, and always seem to be having a jolly good time.)

We should therefore wonder what Cole and Cheney might have been doing. I have canvassed some of the brightest minds to come up with these suggestions.

One very lucid mind suggested quite simply that they were watching a ballgame. Another offered that they had uploaded a "How to lie effectively" video. And a third feels sure they were watching the classic Hilary Duff video "Wake Up," which I have embedded here for your delectation.

I fear some of you might be tempted towards the heinous thought that they were watching material of a sleazily sultry nature.

I cannot be so cynical. It is simply not in my nature. It seems so obvious to me what happened here that I cannot believe no one with a right mind and a left brain has reached the same conclusion.

Cheney, the pilot, was quite clearly a PC user (I just cannot imagine a Cheney using a Mac), while his Cole-pilot was a firm fanboy of the Mac. Like little boys comparing their trading card collections, they whipped out their laptops so that they could convert each other.

We all know just what a long conversation this will have been. The obstinacy of both sides is often so extreme that the parties might forget they are in the air, in a plane, or even flying a plane.

As Cheney proselytized about Windows 7, Cole counter-punched with some Snow Leopard. And before they knew it, Wisconsin waved at them from below while their passengers wondered what time they might descend from on high.

I feel sure that the next "Get a Mac" ad will feature Messrs. Hodgman and Long as Northwest pilots who want to settle this debate once and for all. By the end of the spot, they will be grappling in the cockpit and the plane will be ready to land in Minsk.

One can dream, can't one? Just as pilots do when they inadvertently fall asleep.

[Vegaman_Dan]

I think they were arguing Butter vs Parkay.

[slickuser]

they should be fired.

[atomD21]

Their licenses were revoked today, so they pretty much have been fired.

[Splashes]

Heh. Just like a movie trailer, this headline was way better than the article.

[dowell100]

Ever so common here.

[gerrrg]

I like Duff.

Beer.

Hillary not that far behind, tho.

[jhoff3ca]

I think they brought a router up there and were in the middle of an epic game of warcraft.

[cloudmatt]

or ironically were playing MS Flights

[jtaylorns]

Why bring a router when you can just use WIFI. I'm sure that it doesn't interfere with any instrumentation, or anything....... :-O

[KillersDad]

Since Macs can create a network with their Airports, the router would be redundant.

[CarlinJ216]

and if wireless was a no-no for whatever reason, they could have used a crossover ethernet cable...

[jaxstephens]

This article was just plain strange. I don't "get" this author (and most of his other articles either). :-P

[bitofbetterbutter]

One can only hope that you are being facetious as well...

[Renegade Knight]

"This article was just plain strange."

Calling our attention to the strange angle on things that life presents is exactly it.

[KillersDad]

What I don't understand is why the writer chose to refer to the flight deck as the pilot's 'cabin'.

No better place to use the term, 'cockpit'!

[sartor1]

I don't believe for a second that they were on their computers. They were sleeping!
So if they were awake, and using computers, why wouldn't they answer the many calls to them from the control towers? BOTH of them took off their headphone/mics? ***? Fire their *****!

[KillersDad]

They needed the headphones and mics for their gaming.

[myles taylor]

I agree with you completely. They were sleeping and they should be fired for incompetence. Even if they weren't sleeping and were on their computers, they should still be fired.

[Perry_Clease]

There is no argument, Macs are better :)

I am pitching a new TV reality show, "OS Swap!" You take hardcore fanboys and fangirls from each camp and make them use the other's computer setup. Gotta run, Fox is calling.

[myles taylor]

Hahah that's a pretty good idea. I'd like to see this happen, but with fanboys; not regular users, and a sizable group of people.

[BLSCPTS]

Hey Chris, what do you have against Southwest pilots? :)

My vote? PC's are better. :)

[system001]

I personally do not care if they were f@#$%^g each other sceneless, sleeping, watching porn, or battling it out about pc versus mac. What i care about is what no one seems to be bring up. Which is the fact that the tower never contacted DHS. Come on after the first 10 minutes of no contact DHS should have been contacted. The pilots are from the only ones not doing their jobs.

[jscott418]

Whatever they were arguing about its no excuse for not flying the plane to its destination. They should be fired! But this reason has so many holes in it that we may never get the real reason. For one why did they not here all the radio traffic trying to reach them? If your on the computer it should not affect your hearing.
The other thought I had is what if they had some type of headphones on that prevented them from hearing anything? Such as a iPod. This would better explain their inability to respond to the radio calls. What if they were not even in the cockpit? Yes, that would explain a lot would it not?

[licht1]

Work schedulling software. Sure.

See:

http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/10/27/distracted-flying/

[mssoot]

system001 is right on target. You can blame the pilots but the air traffic controllers are at fault as well here

[Gold_Storm_Mac]

This article proves one can make news out of anything.

[Crunchy Doodle]

Am I the only one who thinks they were having sex?

[Dalkorian]

Yes, actually I think they were sleeping at the wheel.

[juanfer2345]

Nope, you are not alone. The question is: were they two having sex, or was a third person (flight attendant) in the cockpit?

[setjeff15081947]

Mr. Chris Matyszczyk, you have brought some light-hearted laughter into this dreary, rainy day we've having. Thanks!
As for our "Flying-Is-Safer-Than-Driving" mythology, you really watn to keep pushing that Fantasy, Airlines of the World?

[corelogik]

The Mac vs. PC debate is way old and irrelevant here. They were screwing each other, pure and simple. Air traffic control should have called DHS too,.. so many people dropped the ball here it's not even practical to list all the errors of judgment.

[RAMSFCFAA]

The general public might believe UFO abduction for the lost time more than the reason they produced.

[cbscowards]

I think the pilot is really AppleSuxLeo and the copilot is the_happy_switcher.

[Dalkorian]

... and they were having sex? Wow, it really is a fine line between love and hate!
;-)

[amontoya6]

Besides getting to know Windows in a Mac, they were on Facebook, updating profiles.... and looking for jobs in Monster or Careerbuider, (after 15 minutes) os my most valuable theory: They were following the Baloon Boy II