'Moby-Dick' to be rewritten in emoticons

Call me astonished.

But Fred Berenson, a clearly fascinating research associate at New York University, has managed to gain sufficient funding to attempt a project that I feel sure none of you has contemplated.

For Berenson has decided to rewrite a veritable whale of a book, "Moby-Dick," entirely in emoticons.

This enterprising cove used Kickstarter to impress those who might have money to drown in such an eccentric quest.

He describes, with quite fetching enthusiasm, how he intends to turn all 6,438 sentences of the great Herman Melville opus into Japanese Emoji, rather picturesque emoticons that are on most handsets in Japan.

Helpfully, Berenson reminds those interested that you can hack your iPhone in America in order to obtain these rather cutesome works of art.

The largest portion of the raised funds will go to pay for the translation. Berenson will be using Amazon's Mechanical Turk to get three different translations of every sentence. These translations will then be put to a vote, the winning sentence being included in the magnum opus.

I really think there's a market for edible emoticons.

(Credit: CC Srqpix/Flickr)

You might, at this point, be wondering why Berenson chose "Moby-Dick." Why not select something a little shorter? Like, well, pretty much every book ever written.

Berenson has an answer. In his Kickstarter plea, he wrote: "I needed a public domain book that I could get the plain-text version of easily. The Bible seemed too obvious. I then wanted something very large and long, so that I could demonstrate the scale possible with Amazon's Mechanical Turk."

Mind you, if he had chosen the Bible, it would surely have been a challenge for the Emoticon Universe to come up with suitable pictures for all the castration, mutilation, pillars of salt, pillage, polygamy, and even parent cursing that goes on between its covers.

By comparison, the exploits of an obstinate overgrown mammal seem rather tame. Still, one's curious thought-for-the-day comprises surprise that a certain coffee enterprise didn't come up with all the money.

For I am told that the first mate on the fateful ship, the Pequod, was actually called Starbuck. Will his emoticon be a weird lady who looks like she's hotfooted it from a Mason's gathering?

[nicmart]

Got funding from whom?

[timber2005]

"Mind you, if he had chosen the Bible, it would surely have been a challenge for the Emoticon Universe to come up with suitable pictures for all the castration, mutilation, pillars of salt, pillage, polygamy, and even parent cursing that goes on between its covers. "

Would just have to draw one of the many LOLcats that fit into those categories.

[karpenterskids]

This article's link to Wikipedia resulted in me finding THE best Biblical storyboard I have ever seen.
Seriously. :)

http://www.thebricktestament.com/

[cbscowards]

Our tax dollars at work? That Wall St bailout doesn't look so bad now.

[mecredis]

No tax dollars at work here (its not a donation and I'm not operating it as a non-profit) Just fund raised from people interested in the project.

[mecredis]

Hi Chris, just a couple of clarifications. First, my last name is "Benenson" not "Berenson." Second, I'm not a research associate at NYU, its Eyebeam. I teach as an adjunct at NYU.

Also, I assure you that there are very few "tame" parts of Moby Dick, and there will be plenty of interesting juxtapositions between the next and the emoji, perhaps even better than what the Bible could have yielded.

[SlimGem]

It's great to see someone's dream come true. Mine has always been to do a full sized recreation of Leonardo da Vinci's 'The Last Supper' mural in multi-colored pasta. If only I could find a backer. Seriously.

So let me get this straight... we have people out of work, not able to afford basic needs, state employees on furlough & THIS is the best idea someone could come up with? If this was coming from 5 year olds, I might be convinced. In contest though, this is shameful.

[esteven4]

Why is it that whenever someone has a creative idea, they are criticised for not saving the world?

I don't have any solutions, other than ideals. Besides, if everyone just focused on these serious issues all the time, what's the point? Then we're all depressed.

[farker1]

How will he do the drum solo? This makes no sense.

[nSeika]

Of curiosity, any sample of some sentences to see how it will looks like ?
This would took years right ?

[billmosby]

:(

[scottspinola]

This idiotic effort proves two things:

1- Some people have way too much money on their hands
2- Some people have way too much time on their hands

Watching paint dry would more interesting and more worthwhile.

[papacal59]

This idea is ludicrous. Use your talent if you have any and write something entirely new and original. What a waste of someone else's money and your time. Use your brain and think of something new.

[Poet_Dog]

To think of all the great ideas that were turned down so that such hobbyist "academic" work could be created. This is one reason why university should be free.

[hikingmike]

You know what, it is called freedom of expression that I as a Soldier defend! Just like you have the right to make stupid comments about someone else's ideas no matter how odd or off the wall they are. My word, just let the man have some fun, sounds interesting to me.

[henrodon]

The first mate is named:
[coffee cup] - s

[SJ2571]

Out of curiosity, why are funds needed to do this anyway? Can't you just type it all by hand? I would.

[SJ2571]

Okay, I just saw the page where it's actually IMAGE icons, and not plain text EMOTICONS as mentioned in this Cnet title. I thought you were getting funding to do typing like this -> :) 8) >:) etc.

[setjeff15081947]

Chris Matyszczyk is an award-winning creative director who, once again, can't seem to get his story's main character's name spelled correctly.
Moby Dick as Emoticons? Mr. Melville must be doing You-Know-What.
Well, why not? Nobody wants to read words anymore; imagination, and the Mind-Adventures books used to take us on, are dead, or in Terminal-Stages. Sounds like another step in our continuing Progression to a Dumb-Downed society where verbal communication is as dead as a Door-Nail.
Hail, Twitter®!