Prince Philip: I practically have to make love to my TV

Prince Philip is the tall chap who married the queen of England, enjoys making beautifully inappropriate comments, and feels intimate contact with his television might be necessary in order to make it work.

In a revealing interview, only some of which seems to have appeared on the Buckingham Palace YouTube channel, the prince laid bare his electrical dysfunction, one that many might, secretly or not, actually share.

His interviewer, a rather well spoken chap called Kevin McCloud, brightened up the pages of London's Times newspaper with some of the prince's heartfelt words.

Perhaps the most elegant of the phrases turned by the 88-year-old prince was: "To work out how to operate a television set, you practically have to make love to the thing."

It has never been my habit to wonder about the conjugal behavior of the regal.

However, once one's mind goes quickly beyond boggling in order to consider how one might make one's plasma pulse race, one begins to appreciate that many people do find it rather difficult to grasp even 10 percent of their gizmos' workings.

Prince Philip photographed moving swiftly.

(Credit: CC Steve Punter/Flickr)

Of course, the prince's imagery is so disconcerting that I wonder just what actions came immediately before the creation of, for example, Prince Charles.

However, Phil the Greek, as he is sometimes known in pejorative circles, will no doubt receive some sympathy for his giddy criticism of technology's grave new world. Why can't things be just blindingly simple, especially for those whose eyes are not quite what they used to be?

Not satiated with his criticism of televisual operations, the prince turned his mind and, one feared, his devilishly seductive eyes, toward the Web.

"The Web sites I've seen are so awful it's untrue," he told McCloud. "They're so unfit for purpose I'm surprised anyone tolerates them."

Surely he has a point. There are so many ill-designed sites on the Web that one's eyes sometimes water with pain. However, given the prince's somewhat outre position on the subject of televisions, many will find themselves caught in the uncomfortable posture of now considering which Web sites the prince has, um, actually visited.

Please might readers suggest something appropriate, as I fear my own thinking has been addled and muddled by the prince's highly colorful imagery.

[james_w_uk]

The Queen is married to the Duke of Edinburgh, NOT Prince Philip. Prince Philip is the Queen's son, and is married to Camilla. Please get simple things like this right! Makes quite the difference.

[ChrisAubeck]

No, no, no. You're getting Philip I, Prince of Taranto, mixed up with the late great Charlie Pace of Manchester, England. Often happens.

[Zomic13]

Prince Philip is the Duke of Edinburgh, who is married to the Queen.<br /><br />Prince Charles is married to Camilla and is the Queen's son.

[Paul Isaac]

So which one recorded 1999 then?

[danielj1987]

no, no, no, you're all wrong. you're getting henry VIII confused with the duke of ear. henry is the one who married that one queen who had a husband for every day of the week. the duke is the one whose cousin took that one princess to live in the fire swamp, while, according to rumor, they took in an r.o.u.s. to be their pet.

[Pishkado]

I think you're getting the Duke of Ear confused with the Duke of Earl. One is a song. The other is a really good audiologist.

[danielj1987]

Ok, yeah, typo, duke of earl. duke duke duke duke of earl duke duke duke of earl, duke duke duke of earl. and yes, it is a song

[c4s2k3]

Is Prince Phillip related to Sir Osis of Liver or Sir Loin of Beef? Those guys ROCK!

[sanjayb]

@danielj1987<br /><br />Your original post was too funny!! I got a great laugh out of it. Thanks!!!

[jture]

Dear Prince Philip: I guess you're too old to know about the acronym TMI. We really, really, DON'T want to know about your relationship with your television set. Thank you.

[zyxxy]

You're all off post!<br /><br />In any case, I can sympathize with Prince Philip. Most consumer product implementations suck. The exceptions that prove the rule are always so startling. When you actually acquire a product that just works, no head scratching, no thumbing back and forth in the manual, it almost takes you aback. Then you look at all the other woeful junk you have to deal with every day, and you want to cry. Conjugal relations with your appliances, indeed, except that you are the one that is being had.

[Jon Eiche]

Hear, hear! We live in the 21st century; why hasn't technology made itself easier to use? Maybe part of the problem is that it's not simply a matter of technology, but of design. The people who make the hundred-button remote controls should be forced to live with them (or better yet, forced to live with a novice trying to use them) before ever releasing them to market.

[tektaktyks]

and on top of this page i see :On TV.com: GIRLS NEXT DOOR: Wet and Wild

[atomD21]

I've got Britney's Bikini Clad Top 10... how prurient!

[terminalblue]

Ok, Chris.<br /><br />Your one sentence per paragraph writing style is the most elementary thing i have ever seen.<br /><br />haven't you ever heard of an "inverted pyramid"?<br /><br />Or have you been busy trying to find new ways to frustrate your readers when they try to read your "Blogs".<br /><br />Your "blogs" are like reading a high school term paper that had to be flushed out a few more pages by adding extra paragraphs and spaces<br /><br />I just can't understand Why the Weekly Reader gives awards to full grown pseudo-journalists.

[02cfranklin]

Finally someone who agrees with me.

[sparrowhyperion]

I have a novel and innovative idea... Why don't we have an article about say... TECHNOLOGY! And less of this fluff reporting. I for one don't care if Phillip dates the mop from the swiffer commercial. It is totally irrelevant to the type of story CNET should be reporting on...

[Paul Isaac]

An article on usability of technology is actually quite relevant, Chris just made his point in a humorous way. Boo hoo.

[stenar]

This website itself could be a target of PP's derision. There are so many ads and cluttered links to other areas of CNET that it's difficult to look at.