Chinese Web choked by men searching for 'lesbian city'?

Let us be frank. Frank will do anything for sexual pleasure. So will Harry, Dilbert, and Freddie. Yes, and perhaps even Mao.

I have come to this revolutionary conclusion thanks to a story that will undoubtedly go down in legend--if it didn't already start there.

You see, a number of reports from across the world are suggesting that the Web in China is being stressed to distraction by Chinese men searching for a very particular sexual distraction indeed--Chako Paul City.

Should Chako Paul be less familiar to you than, say, Chaka Khan, might I tell you that legend has it that Chako Paul City is in Sweden. And it is populated mainly by lesbians.

Well, when I say "is," I really mean "isn't."

However, the male population of China has allegedly got it into its collective hollow head, and perhaps its collective nether regions, that there is, indeed, a Swedish city with 25,000 women and no men. This knowledge seemingly has encouraged them to search madly for ways of espying this singular place.

According to The Australian newspaper, which, might I say, is a rather serious publication, Chinese Internet providers are being swamped to paralysis by the sheer volume of men choking for a taste of Chako Paul.

The rumor is that Chako Paul City was created in 1820 in the deepest, darkest, and most uncut woods of northern Sweden. The founder is said to have been a widow who loathed men more, perhaps, than she must have loathed sunshine.

This is Chaka Khan. She does not live in Sweden.

(Credit: CC Maveric2003/Flickr)

The city is said to be guarded by two blond women, who keep men from scaling the ramparts of its medieval castle.

This all sounds like ten tons of bunkum to me (especially as most Swedish women are, well, brunettes), but not, allegedly, to men who crave the fantasy of 25,000 blond women frolicking in the woods.

Claes Bertilsen of the Swedish Association of Local Authorities and Regions seems to think that anyone who has been inclined to swallow this tale might have been smoking rather wacko tobacco.

He told the Swedish news organization, the Local: "At 25,000 residents, the town would be one of the largest in northern Sweden, and I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years."

I find it hard to believe that anyone might think you could guard a city of 25,000 with just two blond women--who may, according to this rampant rumor from the ramparts, turn out to be lesbians.

You see, the Local quotes the Chinese news service Harbin News as declaring that many of Chako Paul's inhabitants turned to homosexuality "because they could not suppress their sexual needs."

There is also the quite colorful suggestion that most of the inhabitants are employed in forestry (no, never) and that many have, according to the Xinhua news agency, a "thick waist belt full of woodworking equipment."

I am not sure how many more days that Chinese Internet providers can cope with their male population's enthusiasm for these Swedish logger lesbians.

If indeed they are truly struggling with the phenomenon at all.

However, just in case, I can only hope that the women of China slap the men of China firmly about the ears and solar plexus before the world's most important nation grinds to an undignified and unwarranted digital halt.

[c4s2k3]

Uhhhm . . . Wow, Mao!!

[Dleon84]

Holy... s***... sounds crazy, then again many people believed the island of Lesbos to be solely populated by lesbians.

[pjhenry1216]

Wait... ... ...it's not?

[Dleon84]

It's not... female poet Sapphos was the one who popularized the concept of lesbianism on Lesbos, but it was a regular island like any other.

[Dalkorian]

It's pronounced le-bow. LOL.

[bubbeez]

Just saw something today that there are 30 million more men than available women in China because of the birth control (Abortion) there for female children.

I'd be scouring the web too.

[-fjtorres-]

Sounds silly until you factor this in:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/may/19/china-gender-ratio-women-men

At 140 boys per 100 girls things are going to get touchy. :-)

[cnet_incorrect]

I find this hard to believe. Assume for a second that indeed millions of men were doing searches at the same time, it's not like they're streaming HD videos. How could the searches have possibly "crippled" the ISP's? Even Michael Jackson's death only caused small hiccups to specific websites which didn't scale well. The ISP's were unaffected. Millions of people in China search for random things at any given moment, the specific text they search for should have no effect on bandwidth. This story sounds "technically incorrect" to me.

[Mergatroid Mania]

I agree 100%. The entire story sounds like B.S..

Something you'd read in the Enquirer, not on CNET.

Hey CNET, how about some quality control here?

[sodapop2k9]

Best CNET news story ever

[yanchineseguy]

Mwaaaahhhh... awesome.

[Perry_Clease]

It is not so far fetched that two Viking women could keep the town defended from ***** men. The requirement to enter is that you must answer some questions. However the two guards being women dominate the conversation so much that men can not get a chance to answer the questions. Eventually the guys wander off in search of beer.

To keep Chako Paul City populated with new births the women are now using Stephen Colbert's ManSeed Formula 401.

[RupertAvery]

How about the women and/or ***** of China? I mean, it is a lesbian city after all....

[poemcode]

Are you kidding? We're choking the web? NO! I, living Guangzhou in South China, have never heard about lesbian city until i read this article. Neither do my friends. I don't found that people is talking about this topic in some popular forums.

[Celephaith]

How do you expect the women of China to "slap the men of China firmly about the ears" when THERE ARE NO WOMEN IN CHINA! Why do you think Chinese men are so interested in this legend? Most male Chinese are virgin bachelors due to the one child policy that has slaughtered an untold number of female babies in China for the past 30 years. The gender imbalance in China is making it very difficult for men to find love, thus a myth about an all female town in Sweden is very appealing to them. They're lonely more than they are *****. It's sad, really, and your reaction was to admonish them as sex-crazed deviants who need to be put in their place by their women? Perhaps your better half needs to slap YOU upside the head a few times.

[Celephaith]

Correction...When I wrote that most male Chinese are virgin bachelors, that was a mistake. I meant to write "Many", not "Most". Also, the word that C-NET censored is H-----O----R----N-----Y. What if I was describing an animal that had horns....wouldn't it be *****? And what about ***** toads? Ahhh, censorship. Takes ya back, doesn't it? Like to the 1950's. Those were the days! Fundamentalist Christians inserting their beliefs into all aspects of our lives, women being second-class citizens, separate water fountains, "WHITES ONLY" signs everywhere. Oh, the memories. Thanks C-NET for taking us back to the glory days. I think I know what the "C" stands for now.

[rhetrx]

Someone needs to get the crew from the ad campaign featuring the "Swedish Bikini Team" to do a 'reunion' ad where the women all sing "I'm a Lumberjack and I'm Okay"...