Now served at Cracker Barrel: Webkinz opossum

The new opossum Webkinz toy, exclusively at Cracker Barrel.

(Credit: Crackerbarrel.com)

I know it's hard to prevent your children from gaining an early fascination with drugs, violence, weapons, World of Warcraft, and illicit personal behavior.

The phenomenon that is Webkinz is but one brave attempt.

In case you inhabit a particularly large hole in Nova Scotia, Webkinz turns your children into loving, caring humans online.

On the Webkinz site, your children can look after their new pets. Well, as long as they buy the physical, three-dimensional stuffed version at a friendly neighborhood store.

So it is my heartfelt privilege to be able to tell you that should you choose to eat, drink, shop, or merely loiter with questionable intent at Cracker Barrel, you might discover the first ever Webkinz toy made exclusively for a retailer. It will be available beginning September 11.

For this venturesome enterprise, the Webkinz zookeepers have decided to offer an opossum, he of the cute little face and rather narrow brain.

What sweet, innocent child could not fall in love with this pink-pawed pet, which, like the finest of Black Sabbath tracks, lives just as happily in Web world as it does in the physical form?

I believe even Damien Thorn himself would clutch this little sweetie to his chest and whisper: "I could never turn the heat up on you, my friend. Not even online."

I am, however, still somewhat troubled by the choice of opossum. You see, aren't these the animals that play dead when they feel threatened?

Surely we don't want to be teaching our children to mimic surrender at the first sign of trouble? No, they should stand up to oppressors, not play opossums.

For the first exclusive at Cracker Barrel, couldn't they have mustered an aardvark? Aardvarks have a thick skin, they can lash out with all fours and they can eat up to 50,000 insects in just one night.

Wouldn't that be a better example for our children to follow?

It's cute. But it's not an aardvark, is it?

(Credit: CC Florida Blume/Flickr)

[demecles]

I believe a more humorous tack would have been to compare the choice with good ol' fashion southern cooking.

[ChrisMatyszczyk]

@demecles,

Er, there's a difference?

Chris

[jmcgrath35]

Have you ever seen a possum? It's hard to tell if they're alive or have been dead for a few days. It's pretty easy to say that they're not cute.

[Hisdevineshadow]

About 8 years ago, I attended a event at a local park near Charleston, SC. One of the displays was by a family that rescue possums that included some of the possums that they had rescued so people could pet them and ask questions. It was amazing watching them handle them because as with all things great and small the opossums wanted to got places that the handlers intervene with. The way they handled the possums, with all those teeth, you would think someone was going to need stitches. Never happened. I and everyone around me was surprised by how soft their fur was, it looks so wiry.

[Harry D]

I don't know where you got that pic of a live 'possum, but they are usually filthy, and have a nasty demeanor. They have pointed, razor-sharp teeth, too. They raid things they shouldn't, usually garbage, and leave one heck of a mess after them. The stuffed version is cute, but in reality, they make better roadkill. Yeah, a nice role model.

[cudapossum]

i've had many more dogs mess up the garbage can than possums and never seen a filthy one, Watching them eat the cat food on the back porch, afterwards they clean and groom themselves just like a cat.

[jmattw42350]

Doesn't Cracker Barrel serve opossum on their menu?

[lumpyfred]

Man it looks like it just took a gnarly crap.

[cat4me]

First comments to post: Chris Matyszczyk your writing is GREAT! Second, my now deceased outdoor cat - a male by the way, used to herd baby possums to his food dish. That really struck me as strange since 'Mac' was NOT all that friendly of a cat. But I must tell you, those babies were TOTALLY adorable and very sweet. Didn't take too long for them to get over their fear of me. Yes, possums will eat ANYTHING, which is pretty disgusting; however they are obviously creatures of survival and who can fault them that trait? I welcome them into my yard any time with a smile on my face and in my heart.

[jimdel]

Hey man why the shot @ Nova Scotia, they have webkinz here in fact I've spent a TON buyin the darn things for my son! :)

[Miri1018]

The next possum webkinz will be the roadkill version. Complete with tire tread marks and flattened. Mmm mmm, good! :-)

[dabuck]

I'm just imagining cross-marketing promotion of adding "Possum Pie" to the Cracker Barrel menu. Mmmm mmmm! Now there's some good eatin'!

[cudapossum]

Probably the most understood and non appreciated animal in the kingdom. Very gentle and docile. I would trust a possum before a wild dog or cat. Their bad rep comes from their built in self defence makeup. Ever hear of anyone being attacked, ever hear of one having rabies. Nope. They are very clean. A body temp of 95 is not a host for rabies. Youtube search "possum", many videos of rescued ones showing gentleness. If one gets trapped in your garage or house, just give them a way out, they will take it, no need to kill or freak out about it.

[UJUSTDONTUNDERSTAND]

Ya'll must be out of touch. This release coincides with The Possum himself, George Jones and his release of a new CD exclusively at Cracker Barrel Restaurants. Maybe you missed him on David Letterman this last week at the end of the show when he gave Dave one. Though typical to see in Tennessee and the south cleaning up the mess left on the road, it is atypical to see them served in a restaurant and in this case you will have to purchase in the shop side and then I guess you could play with it at the table.

Looks like the only cleaning up these Opossums will be doing will be the bottom line for the shareholders of CBRL