August 26, 2009 10:10 AM PDT

Dylan to be the voice of GPS?

by Chris Matyszczyk
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All right, let's get the jokes out of the way first.

How many roads must a man walk down before he totally loses his way and has no direction home?

If you've been 10,000 miles in the mouth of a graveyard, shouldn't you retrace your steps or you'll end up on Desolation Row?

Or are you a firm believer in the direction principle called "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right"?

Oh, what I am talking about?

Well, it seems that Bob Dylan, he who has more gravel in his voice than many a snowy road has on its surface, is in negotiations with two car companies that would like to use his distinctive tones for an in-car navigation system to guide the drivers of the world.

Do you know he wrote a song called "Ninety Miles an hour (Down a Dead-End Street)"?

(Credit: CC Binary Ape/Flickr)

According to New Musical Express, Dylan told listeners to his radio show, Theme Time Radio Hour: "I think it would be good if you are looking for directions and hear my voice saying something like, 'Left at the next street, no a right. You know what? Just go straight.'"

I don't know whether that would be so good at all.

Cars are things with very particular atmospheres. Somehow the voice that tells you which way to go should surely be one of reassurance, rather than doubt. It should have a soothing timbre, rather than that of a street person being tortured. It should be a guiding light, not a dread-filled drone.

Perhaps there are musicians whose voices might suit the innards of your Prius. Jewel, perhaps. James Taylor, no doubt. I rather like the thought of Kanye rhythmically keeping me on the straight and narrow.

But Dylan? I fear even he thinks he might be taking a wrong turn with this one.

You see, he's already started with the jokes too. For he told his listeners: "I probably shouldn't do it, because whichever way I go I always end up at one place: Lonely Avenue."

Could we really ever trust the chap who once told us: "There must be some way out of here"?

Perhaps you have some suggestions about whose voice you would prefer to Dylan's in your car?

Chris Matyszczyk is an award-winning creative director who advises major corporations on content creation and marketing. He brings an irreverent, sarcastic, and sometimes ironic voice to the tech world. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET.
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by jachamp August 26, 2009 10:26 AM PDT
and the only people that could understand a single thing he says don't exist...so there is that angle too.
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by pjcamp August 26, 2009 10:28 AM PDT
I'll be happy if it just says the right words. I'm kind of tired of being told to "turn left on Maple Saint."
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by RockaTech August 26, 2009 10:43 AM PDT
David Lee Roth would be awesome. He would just screech the directions but in an awesome way.
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by ChrisMatyszczyk August 26, 2009 10:55 AM PDT
@RockaTech,

Now that is a great idea. Love it.

Chris
by MegaThought August 26, 2009 11:05 AM PDT
Most likely you'll go yooooourrrrrr way, and I'll go muhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiinnnne.
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by XeonBAMF August 26, 2009 11:15 AM PDT
I've got Mr.T on my Tom Tom device. He pittys this fool all the way to my destination.
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by dowell100 August 26, 2009 11:22 AM PDT
Matyszczyk warning!!!!

Matyszczyk can't take jokes about the topics he writes on, or his writing ability, so he (or one of his minions) delete some posts to hide what people really think. He definitely has a tender ego and can't take a little kidding.

Be careful what you say here... he has a really thin skin. You may be censored too!
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by lightningrob August 26, 2009 11:25 AM PDT
"You just missed that turn. How does it feeeeel?"
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by Peter715Smith August 26, 2009 12:14 PM PDT
I have Mr. T too, as well as Kim Cattrall. They're both great. I got them from a site called Navtones. They have K.I.T.T and David Hasselhoff coming out too. THE HOFF! Now that's cool. Sorry Dylan!
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by darthgerber August 26, 2009 12:24 PM PDT
I have Homer Simpson on my Tom-Tom. The kids love it, and since I hate driving, it makes it almost bearable. Doh!
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by michael_k_orourke August 26, 2009 2:12 PM PDT
I want a GPS that had the option of George's mothers voice from Seinfeld. And when you mess up more than 2 times in a row she'd say "What's wrong with you. You never listen to me!"
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by cvaldes1831 August 26, 2009 2:13 PM PDT
Tom Waits, Barry White (RIP), maybe John Forsythe (the voice of "Charlie").
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by lylehaze August 26, 2009 5:28 PM PDT
The voice of Majel Barrett Roddenberry (RIP) would be the definitive voice for Star-Trek fans.
Not only did she hold various roles in all of the trek series, She was the voice of the ships
computer in ALL Federation Ships.
There should be enough voice recordings to put something together..
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by gggg sssss August 26, 2009 5:43 PM PDT
I would pay $1.00 to download Robin Williams - or Reese Whitherspoon. Ok only $.50 for reese
Reply to this comment
by SavageBelief August 27, 2009 1:46 PM PDT
Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',
Turn right up ahead
Wond'rin' if she'd changed my oil
That light's gonna turn red.
You may wanna merge to the left,
The shoulder's gonna be rough
Plese input destination adress
These directions are going to be tough.
Please pull over to the side of the road
Please check your brake shoes
There's a toll road up ahead
So you'll have to pay some dues to get through,
Tangled up in queues.
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About Technically Incorrect

Chris Matyszczyk brings a fresh and irreverent perspective to the tech world in his CNET blog, Technically Incorrect. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET.

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