Astronaut doesn't change his undies for a month

I know science thinks it can do everything.

I know robots will soon be ordering us around like wait staff at the Ritz.

But I am gravely concerned about an experiment that has been going on up there in space.

Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata, who returned to earth Friday, had been on the International Space Station since March. And, well, I don't know quite how I am to put this, but he didn't change his underwear for a month.

I know what you're thinking. We're both thinking the same thing.

Not even in the the darkest, most slovenly days of our student youth did we wear the same pair of knickers for 30 days. Around seven days was our limit. Then we'd at least manage a hand wash in a sink.

But here was the intrepid Wakata, prepared for the sake of all our futures to don anti-static, flame-resistant, odor-eating, bacteria-killing, water-absorbent underpants. Yes, water-absorbent.

Will we only have two pairs in the drawer one day? Or even one?

(Credit: CC Mike52ad/Flickr)

I know that there was a lady astronaut a little while ago who wore diapers on a long car journey, but this is surely couture from another realm.

The London Times quoted Wakata as saying, pre-landing: "I haven't talked about this underwear to my crew members."

This is quite understandable. I rarely talk about my underwear to my clients. Not even my underwear clients. However, wasn't just the occasional merest stink caused by this novel eco-friendly fashion show?

"I wore it for about a month and my station crew members never complained, so I think the experiment went fine," he said.

Well, now, in polite society one doesn't normally comment when a fellow worker suffers something of a digestional malfunction, so how can Wakata be sure that his fellow astronauts weren't furtively making sniffy remarks about certain odors emanating from his person?

I know you'll be wondering what astronauts normally do with their soiled undies. Firstly, they take them off. Then they pack them up with the trash, which they shoot into outer space on human-less Russian cargo ships. On the way, the dirty undies are cremated.

But here's the thing with Wakata's undergarments: the Japanese space agency, Jaxa, which designed them, has no firm idea just how well they performed their task.

Which makes two pulsating thoughts thud around my cranium.

One: what if the anti-static, flame-resistant, odor-eating, bacteria-killing, water-absorbent qualities didn't work so well? Especially the last two. What effects might imperfect performance have on poor Mr. Wakata's inner well-being?

And two, I must do the washing.

[fiman16]

this isn't very unusual... people who work in the outdoor adventure industry do it all the time

[Deuce2High]

This guy risked contaminating and endangering his whole crew and mission just to test out a pair of underwear. What an idiotic move.

[thad_dies]

You must not know how to read.

"But here's the thing with Wakata's undergarments: the Japanese space agency, Jaxa, which designed them, has no firm idea just how well they performed their task."

That WAS their mission, im sure he wasn't screwing it up. Plus, who other than a space program would want to design flame resistant underwear? I don't think I know anyone that could use flame resistant undies other than this guy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxDqRy9bhtc but I guess i'll let you be the judge of that.

[calculatorwatch]

"That WAS their mission"

hahahahaha i wish. No im sorry but even japan doesn't spend hundreds of millions of dollars to send a bunch of guys up to space for a month to test a pair of undies. But what a great world this would be if they did.

I dunno what their mission was but i think it's safe to say they had more important things to focus on.

[gavin_cutshall]

I know this is a "light" piece, however, the "Diaper" aspect of the crazy astronaut story was proven false a while ago.

[eaudemendacite]

Sure won''t be parading that guy through town on our shoulders.

[celticbrewer]

LOL.

Okay, I can understand the antibacterial stuff and whatnot. But I have to imagine the crahpper on the space station (when it's actually working) isn't up to par with the Ritz Carlton. TP, if even used, would be in limited supply. Are you telling me this guy didn't scratch? No skidmarks?

[DanRobinson]

Let's see. Ejected in space. Supposed to burn up on re-entry. But they're fireproof! Somewhere in the jungles of Indonesia there's a happy tribesman wearing thousand-dollar, slightly scorched tidy whities!

[c|net Reader]

Uh, you do know that's "tighty whities," right? In this case, of course, they aren't even likely to be so tidy, so you're wrong on two counts, I'd think.

[Nanbabie]

The silver material technology used in space by JAVA came from an American manufacturing resource and the amazing technology had been passed over by our DHS and CDC as having any worth for use as a high Bio-protective or commercial value. The dirty strip is actually located in the aparently mentally disabled USA as this technology can prevent the spread of infection disease and reduce health care cost 70% or more by prevention.

[knowles2]

The same technology is already being introduce in the NHS, for once we are ahead.

[Nanbabie]

The silver materials used in the Java endurance of undies came from the USA company named Damage Prevention Concepts that have produced and sold this same technology for five years at a store named "nanbabies". This comment is 100% true and technically correct as well as verifiable.

[Maccess]

The silver technology might very well work, but what about all those dead skin cells shed daily and occassional leakages? Wouldn't they just accumulate in the month-old underwear?

[Nanbabie]

Lots of unreported details around this technology, without personal attack this same delivery system and silver technology has been commercialized and sold online for over five years in the U.S.

[herz108]

I recommend listening to Donovan's anthem on this subject from the album "Cosmic Wheels". It's called "The Intergalactic Laxative". I'd post the relevant lyrics but there is a taboo word or 2 from the no profanity list (hence the lack of airplay in 1973) ;-)

[albertsoler]

I've been reading headlines about this since he returned to Earth. I couldn't bear to read the entire story -- until now. Quite frankly, knowing that he was testing "anti-static, flame-resistant, odor-eating, bacteria-killing, water-absorbent" underwear does not help with the general nastiness of the idea. Did they forget anti-fungal? Did his fellow astro/cosmo-nauts tease him by calling him Ko-ITCHY? Somebody send him some industrial strength Tough Actin' Tenactin!!!

It's not his fault at all and I respect him for enduring such an ordeal. But, COME ON! A whole month?!

[M_K_Higa]

Why wasn't this experiment done on earth?

[knowles2]

I guest that they wanted to test it in a low gravity enviroment encase the chemical reactions that have to occure to use this technology work in a zero g environment. They also probably wanted to test it in a close enviroment and working condition, similare to what would be experience of long duration missions to Mars.

[merblich]

hmm, I would be more interested what happens in a day on a baby. Second, doesn't skin need a certain percentage of moisture? Third, what happens if these bacteria-eating items get into his gut? Would he die? Isn't E-coli (gram negative bacterium) needed to digest food and aren't these guys bacteria? Help me out someone . That would be an interesting headline. First astronaut in outer space is killed by his underwear. Getting back on track. He needs to see a doctor because seriously, he is probably sick by this stupid stunt. Also, if it was 99.99% effective then wouldn't a strain of bacteria resistant strain thrive. I wonder if NASA new about this. This sounds too stupid and has too many questions to be used without his other co-worker's knowledge..

[zaius_md]

leave it to the japanese to innovate in the dirty underwear space. they should auction the 30-day-old drawers for businessmen. i bet they can fund the space program with the proceeds.

[danajohnson]

Stage Two in the race to space- 90 day undies- with plans to convert the remains to 'biodesiel' for long term greenness and traveling efficiency. Whew, what a noticable story for our children and grandchildren. Like many space oriented designs, they will sweep the world in popular Earthly use, as other commenter's mentioned.
Pads work better- that's as far as this conversation goes, but a solution emplaced is effective also.
The drinkable urine stories are still is too much reality for me---the astronaut was such a glamorous job in past years, now it can only be seen as heroic and dedicated.
'Congratulations,?', or,
They called it, 'Space Awareness Month'?

[inachu1]

He can sell them on ebay.

[Xade_not_perfect]

Space...the final frontier...where underwear humor has reached new heights...