"OMG!!! You'll never guess what happened next!!!"
"OMG!!!! I'm being sucked towards Atlantis!!!!"
Perhaps that wasn't the texting exchange between 15-year-old Alexa Longueira and her friend as she walked along a Staten Island street. But it would have been lovely if it had been.
Alexa, you see, as so many on the East Coast, had focused all her attention on her cell phone rather than the sidewalk.
According to a report by MSNBC, she did not dedicate the merest glance towards a sewer manhole that was lurking menacingly in her path.
As her eyes focused on her keyboard, her legs were sucked into the sewers of Staten Island, where who knows what vermin and demons scrape together their survival.
MSNBC quoted the Staten Island Advance, which claims it was told by the teen: "It was four or five feet, it was very painful. I kind of crawled out and the DEP guys came running and helped me (...) They were just, like, 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
The question is, how sorry exactly.
You see Alexa's family appears to be suing the Department of Environmental Protection, perhaps for not protecting Alexa's environment. Or her footwear.
Alexa's mom told MSNBC: "Oh my God, it was putrid. One of her sneakers is still down there."
One can only imagine that one of Staten Island's rats is sprinting a little faster this morning.
You might be wondering whether Alexa suffered any injuries. Reportedly, she suffered only a little scare and a few scrapes. Still, the manhole did not have cones around it, so how can Alexa have possibly known it was there?
Well, yes, she might have looked where she was going.
But why would you do that when you have a text to send?