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June 1, 2009 5:03 PM PDT

Man Twitters and is attacked by tree

by Chris Matyszczyk
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Human behavior is changing at a blistering pace.

Why, someone in Starbucks held the door for me today and actually waited until I could grab the door from him, rather than letting it swing tantalizingly before I could get there.

However, a British office worker called James Coleman has pointed us toward the perils of over-committed tweeting. According to a report in the Telegraph, Coleman, 23, was jogging when he suddenly felt the enormous uncontrollable urge to pull out his BlackBerry and Twitter.

Perhaps you have experienced a similar sensation. The buttocks tighten, the eyebrows begin to quiver and your hand reaches into the pocket of your tracksuit, desperate to clutch your most precious jewel.

You grab your BlackBerry with the intention of informing your 25 followers that you have, indeed, just reached into your pocket to grab your BlackBerry while jogging.

Should there be "Danger. No Twittering" signs?

(Credit: CC Angelin Richmond/Flickr)

Coleman, as almost everyone on the streets of Manhattan, temporarily lost sight of his own proportions.

Twitter can do that to you.

Before he could even finish his tweet, he thought he might have temporarily lost sight in an eye. Even more strangely, he was lying on the sidewalk and his head was beginning to throb.

Had a passerby, appalled at this arrogant thrust towards modernity, karate-chopped him to the ground? No, it was a tree. More precisely, a substantial, low-hanging branch that decided to play lumberjack.

"I could only see through one eye for a couple of days afterwards, but the swelling has started to go down now," Coleman told the Telegraph.

The experience hasn't, however, dampened Coleman's enthusiasm for ensuring that his 27 followers stay close to his footsteps, as well as his missteps.

Monday morning, he tweeted: "I am somewhat disappointed that my 15 minutes of fame stem from running into a tree whilst tweeting..."

Sir, but we are not disappointed. You have taught us so much. You have made us think very carefully about the wisdom of jogging and tweeting. However, you don't seem to have been put off by your own Twittering headbanging.

As I see that your latest tweet reads: "Running home--looking out for curbs, lamp-posts, cars, trees and all things stationary and moving :)"

Oh, Coleman, I am worried for the future of British business.

Chris Matyszczyk is an award-winning creative director who advises major corporations on content creation and marketing. He brings an irreverent, sarcastic, and sometimes ironic voice to the tech world. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET.
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by slakerx June 1, 2009 5:36 PM PDT
serves him right
Reply to this comment
by M C June 1, 2009 6:41 PM PDT
This story is useless without a cameraphone photo of the jogger on the ground with the word "FAIL" Photoshopped in.
by Dalkorian June 2, 2009 10:50 AM PDT
I don't know MC, I'm thinking the reality of that image can't be as funny as what I have envisioned in my head.

I'm not much of a fighter myself, but I know for a fact that a tree has never beaten me to the ground! Wussy!
by demecles June 1, 2009 5:38 PM PDT
From my experiences at the gym and out on the local running trail, I feel I am the last person on earth who does not take their cell phone with them while they exercise.
Reply to this comment
by wavjockey June 1, 2009 6:36 PM PDT
You're part of a dying breed of human that prioritizes fitness over the need to always-be-in touch.
by Dalkorian June 2, 2009 10:52 AM PDT
We're part of a dying breed of humans that isn't so self absorbed as to think they need to always be in touch with everyone to give their lives meaning.
by gefitz June 1, 2009 5:39 PM PDT
Is there video?
Reply to this comment
by sherbisness June 1, 2009 6:08 PM PDT
Was the tree also twittering ?
Reply to this comment
by B-Ri June 1, 2009 6:19 PM PDT
no but perhaps a bird in the tree was :)
by Seaspray0 June 2, 2009 10:25 AM PDT
a tweety bird, no doubt.
by Firehazel June 1, 2009 6:34 PM PDT
Twitter is out to kill you... lol. personally i dont use twitter, it's too much for me. "Leland just took a deep breath." Leland is thinking about his crush. Leland needs to brush his teeth." I don't think the world need to know all my business.
Reply to this comment
by ChrisMatyszczyk June 1, 2009 6:45 PM PDT
@Firehazel,

You're thinking about your crush? Which one? Wow.

Chris
by bakedpatato June 1, 2009 7:13 PM PDT
*facepalm
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by Gabey8 June 1, 2009 8:16 PM PDT
LOL (since it sounds like the damage isn't permanent).

The good news is, he didn't jog into traffic or have some other sort of incompatible-with-life accident due to inattention. He could have gotten dented and dinged a whole lot worse, all things considered.
Reply to this comment
by dbargen June 1, 2009 9:20 PM PDT
Come on, can't you people pull your eyeballs away from your mobile long enough to walk ten feet? This is just about as stupid as texting while driving.

And may I ask, how the hell is this news?
by Demolition June 2, 2009 2:53 PM PDT
dbargen,

Nah, this isn't even close to the stupidity level of texting while driving. Not paying attention while guiding two tons of steel down the road is far more dangerous than walking into a tree while Twittering.

As for whether this is news or not... It's not news. It's just one of Chris' bloggy musings.
by waynedunham June 2, 2009 4:01 AM PDT
Hopefully next time the laws of natural selection will be able to complete their mission and this guy can earn an entry into the Darwin Awards for this year.
I guess Twitter is the appropriate place for him to inform everyone what he's doing every second of his pathetic life since the mildest term for his very "special" form of idiocy is that he is a "Twit".
Reply to this comment
by Dalkorian June 2, 2009 10:54 AM PDT
LOL - I couldn't agree more.
by V2Blast June 2, 2009 5:06 AM PDT
And that's why it's important not to be a moron.
Reply to this comment
by DayveNet June 2, 2009 1:19 PM PDT
Great article...love the humor!
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Chris Matyszczyk brings a fresh and irreverent perspective to the tech world in his CNET blog, Technically Incorrect. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET.

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