I am fairly confident in thinking that Steve Wozniak has never slept with Charlie Sheen.
Perhaps it was this small, imperfectly-formed thought embedded in people's minds that saved the Apple co-founder on "Dancing with the Stars" and condemned Denise Richards, the former Mrs. Sheen, to elimination. People's predilections are often based on such fickle suppositions--especially when it comes to voting up to 13 times.
Perhaps, though, it was also the tech industry that lifted Woz up on an emotional sedan chair and carried his beaten body to yet another week of competition.
In the elimination show, the world was even spared a reprise of Woz's less than sambadextrous dance. And worm. He wasn't even in the dance-off.
If you are wondering why, then you must be one of the few techies who didn't participate in what could have been one of the greatest get-out-the-vote campaigns since Reese Witherspoon fluttered her eyelids in "Election."
The votewoz Twitter group, which now numbers over 62,000 committed lunatechs, clearly had an effect. The derisory marks offered by the judges meant that Woz needed far more viewers' votes than last week, in a system that is so honest it has never required a visit from United Nations observers.
Woz got the votes. Even though, as I wrote in an earlier post, Woz's survival may signal the arrival of the Sargeant Effect, where more and more viewers vote for the contestant whom the judges most deride, just for the fun of it.
When ABC's Tom Bergeron announced Woz's survival, his partner, the delectable and slightly dangerous Karina Smirnoff screamed with an ecstasy never, ever heard in pornographic circles.
And when Woz was asked whether he was surprised, he said: "I don't think I've ever been so surprised by anything in my life except maybe for when I got served with divorce papers."
I am not sure how many times he has actually been served with divorce papers by another party but am beginning to suspect he has started using jokes written by another party.
First, there was a passable Smirnoff vodka joke (rooted, some feel, in a picture caption on Technically Incorrect) and now a more than acceptable divorce jape.
You might have to take the rest of the day off work when I tell you that next week, contestants will have to take on one of two new dances: the Argentine tango and the quite wonderful lindy hop.
Please pray to whomever or whatever you believe in that Woz gets the hop. He can make an entertaining mockery out of that one.
Whereas it would be far harder to give the Woz treatment to a drippingly sexual creation such as the Argentine tango. Oh, and did I mention two couples will be voted off next week?
Now we'll really see how powerful the tech community is in its commitment to high art and, of course, forcing the world to see things the techie way.