When it comes to losing your cell phone in the sea, you expect it to be buried there. You certain don't expect it to turn up a week later inside a fish. And you most definitely don't expect it to still be working.
However, British businessman Andrew Cheatle appears to be the owner of the most resilient Nokia 1600 in the world.
He told the Sun newspaper, "I was messing about with my dog, and my phone must have fallen out and been swept out in the swell. I kept calling it, but I gave up hope after a couple of days."
He went shopping for a new cell phone with his clearly understanding girlfriend. Suddenly, her phone rang, and a chap on the other end asked her to swallow the story of a 25-pound cod he had just caught. The cod had swallowed her boyfriend's Nokia.
The caller was a fisherman named Glen Kerley. He was using Mr. Cheatle's SIM card. (The Nokia was still a little wet.) A craggy soul, with a face that launched a thousand shivers, Mr. Kerley seems to be the kind of man whose stories preclude him from ever having to buy a drink.
"Cod are greedy fish; they'll eat anything," he told the Sun. "They have big heads and big mouths."
You might think that he is confusing cod with bank officials. But no bank official could surely eat "plastic cups, stones, teaspoons, batteries." On the other hand, Mr. Kerley has also heard of "someone finding false teeth in one."
Naturally, the Nokia was not in pristine condition. The biggest problem was the smell. Mr. Cheatle has not revealed which brand of sanitizer he used to get rid of it, though I understand that his ears were assaulted by several excited cats while he was in a business meeting.
It's hard to believe that this Nokia could possibly still be in working order. All we have are Mr. Cheatle's words: "It was working, but it kept playing up, so I had to get the circuit board changed in the end. But now it's fine. I know it sounds a fishy tale, but it is 100 percent true."
I have to confess that I spent much of today trying to buy a new cell phone. I am even more partial to Nokias than was Mr. Kerley's cod. And salesmen from several providers tried to tempt me into various embodiments of BlackBerry and iPhone.
But after hearing Mr. Kerley's tale, I will hold out until Nokia lets me have a worthy successor to the unassuming but wondrous 9300.
Yo, Finland. I know it's cold. And I know you're probably all out fishing and drinking. But please think of us needy pond life over here. Thank you.