This is not something I would tell everyone. But I had an acquaintance in college who was obsessed with inserting bananas into parts of his body that were not meant for fruit.
Please don't ask me why. Or even how.
But I'm reminded of dear Robbie because I have just learned that therapists believe there has been a significant recent increase in what might politely be termed paraphilias. This is the frigid word for sexual practices that not everyone might find normal. Or natural. Or clean. Or something they would put on Facebook.
It is apparently an accepted truth amongst those who make money out of this sort of thing--therapists--that couples are becoming more and more interested in saying "Dr. Livingstone, I presume" to more outlandish sexual amusements. Like bestiality, bondage, sadomasochism and swinging.
You will reach something short of a satisfied sigh to hear that the explanation is, allegedly, the Web. "It's a totally new revolution and it's really exploded," Robert Dunlap, a sex therapist and filmmaker (I don't know if he combines the two) told ABC News. "The Internet has changed everything. So many people can go online and say, 'This is me. I love this. I am finding like types.'"
Because readers generally love posts that include lists of things, I know you'll be wondering just what might find itself in a list of like-type kinky activities.
Well, Mr. Dunlap interviewed academics, doctors, lawyers, even one member of that most chaste profession, congressman. Their admissions included: "pouring candle wax on his testicles" and "being gang-raped by many sets of twins or, even better, triplets".
My own fantasy is that the former was the admission of a lawyer, whereas the latter must, just must, be the congressman.
I won't go on to discuss the merits of paraphilia versus paraphernalia. However, because Valentine's Day is stalking us like an old man in an open raincoat, I would like to offer you one example that I hope cannot be pinned on the web.
Binder Park Zoo in Michigan is offering a special Valentine's treat. For $50, couples can watch animals have sex. They call it Zoorotica.
Oh, yes. It's sold out. And it appears that not one ticket was made available online.