The madness of offering depressed astronauts a computerized shrink

Is being an astronaut really all that much fun?

You get otherworldly for a while, but, as some children on vacation will tell you, floating can get old very quickly.

While a few astronauts become heroes, some seem to come back to earth and never come back to earth. Their behavior becomes eccentric. Their utterances become bizarre. Some even claim they have seen aliens.

A question worth asking is whether many of these astronauts were already a bit weird before they floated off into space. And I'm not even including the ones who wear diapers whenever they slip into a jealous rage.

Now NASA has had a brainwave that it hopes will send soothing waves through astronauts' brains.

The idea, sponsored by the National Space Biomedical Research Institute, is to have a therapist on video inside the spaceship. No, not a live therapist available 24 hours a day for a cut-price fee. Instead, this is recorded video with voice, perhaps not entirely dissimilar to the one at your local energy provider that tells you "por Espanol oprima ocho".

The presumably soothing recorded voice will be clever enough to help astronauts work out what is making them miserable, employing a technique called problem-solving treatment.

Dear Computer, I only became an astronaut because I thought it would please my Mommy.

(Credit: CC Dullhunk)

As I understand it, the astronaut types into his computer: "I just don't know what the meaning of it all is" and the computer will ask useful questions such as "Meaning? What do you mean?"

This will help the astronaut, in absolute privacy, come to terms with him (or her) self and his (or her) negative state of mind.

I am all for helping astronauts. Given that space missions will increase in length as we explore our galaxy of water-bearing planets, it will take a peculiarly robust mind and body to tolerate the sheer inhuman stress of the task.

Which is why a digitally shrunk shrink is an extremely worrisome idea. I know there are advertisers who claim that the computer is personal again. But no computer can be quite personal enough.

No, it seems quite clear that NASA should provide a personal shrink (and perhaps masseur, too) in the spacecraft for every long-haul astronaut. Yes, it would increase the numbers on the trip. But it would also increase the possibility of positive human interaction leading to a life-affirming atmosphere beyond the atmosphere.

America has long been able to prove that constant and open-hearted conversation with a stranger is the way to truly lasting and holistic mental health.

And there surely must be a plethora of psychologists, especially given these recessionary times, who would be prepared, in the interests of scientific progress and a fabulously healthy fee, to be an astronaut's little mental helper in his (or her) and our quest for the ultimate discovery.

Machines can't do everything. Really they can't.

How can anyone, let alone an astronaut, possibly reveal the dream about the goat, the golf club, Copacabana Beach, Anne Hathaway, Alan Greenspan, Hillary Clinton, Ari from Entourage, several of the cast from 300 and an open-top Chrysler Sebring to a mere computer?

In any case, there is one other little problem. Because of privacy issues, no one will know which astronauts used the computer shrink and which didn't.

Please forgive me, this is making me miserable. I need to lie down now.

[emilyoettinger]

I read the recent article about the Virtual Space Station that NASA is creating to help depressed astronauts, and would like to thank you for your opinion on the matter. To begin, you say that "many of these astronauts were already a bit weird before they floated off into space," which might be true, but I believe astronauts go through extremely strict physical and mental tests to assess their potential ability to remain sane while in an enclosed environment. Even if you think astronauts were previously "crazy" before launching into space, its still seems important for them to have access to a program that will foster introspection and mental self-evaluation. I understand the process of therapy differently than you do; I do not think that astronauts input questions or feelings and have an automated-type response, but instead, the pre-recorded psychologist offers different mind exercises that the individual can perform, like a meditation. It seems useless for the astronaut to type a message because therapists do not give answers, however they do help one come to terms with stresses using various methods of self-reflection.

You express doubt in the non-human qualities of the computer, and suggest that a better alternative would be to have a psychologist there in person, despite the potential problems with regard to number of people on the mission. First of all, therapists are not superhuman and are subject to depression and other mental disorders just like everyone else. Secondly, if there were a psychologist on the spacecraft, they would become part of the crew; part of the reason for depression is that the astronaut is surrounded by the same people and are disconnected from the outside world. A therapist online would help someone feel a connection to home. Also, you ask how anyone could feel comfortable revealing a strange dream of theirs to a "mere computer," but according to the online disinhibition effect, people are much more likely to divulge personal information on a computer as opposed to in real life because of anonymity. With all of that said, I believe that online therapy is far from perfect, but it seems like the best alternative for these individuals, given their location.