When Googlies are clever enough to name their latest, most wonderful brainchild "Goggles," you wonder why it is they have no idea what to call their human children.
Jason Morrison, whose LinkedIn page describes him as a search quality strategist at Google, has begun to conduct a worldwide Internet search for a high-quality name to adorn his and his wife's unborn child.
Please, yes, I know I like a joke or two when the world's winds are against me, but this is serious.
On his own personal, very personal Web site, Jason declares: "We've perused baby name Web sites and tried the Freakonomics tactic of predicting popular names, but to be honest, none of it was really working."
I'm a little confused. Is this the Freakonomics tactic that's related to the world's current financial "am I wearing underpants" moment?
And it's hard to tell just what wasn't working for Jason and his wife. Were their chosen methods all suggesting Jim for a boy and Alanis for a girl?
All one can be sure of is that Mr. Morrison is conducting a poll, asking for any and all suggestions, though his site offers a shortlist from which visitors can vote. This shortlist includes Asma for a girl (um, breathing difficulties, anyone?) and Dylan for a boy (isn't Sean Penn's daughter called Dylan?).
Mr. Morrison doesn't offer us any of the personal clues that would make the chances of helping this forlorn couple so much more possible. However, you will be discombobulated to hear that he is taking the opportunity of his child emerging into this uncertain world to sell you some Google products:
"In the next couple days, I'll also put up a live graph of the results. If you'd like to learn how to use Google Docs and Spreadsheets to put a poll on your site (or name your baby), check out this post." (No, I won't be linking you to a Google Docs and Spreadsheets site.)
Fear not, though, Mr. Morrison is not another humorless, marble-free techie. For he ends his plaintive Internet cry with these words: "We're expecting a baby November 16th, and we need help choosing a name. This is a difficult decision that will have a huge impact on the life of an innocent human being. Naturally, we are turning to random Internet strangers for help."
Strangely for a Googlie, Mr. Morrison is not going to trust in the word of the masses, if they choose something that he and his wife deem unsuitable: "We do reserve the right to ignore the results of the poll completely. Otherwise, we'll end up with a kid named Mr. Splashy Pants. Actually, that has a nice ring to it..."
My vote: Larry if it's a boy and Page if it's a girl. What do you say?