Scientists develop incredible thinking cap

If you've always thought you were a wonderful singer, but somehow failed to produce your best in karaoke bars, scientists may have found a solution.

At last, some of the world's finest brains have gotten together to release the finest parts of everyone's brain.

Yes, soon you may be able to buy your own thinking cap, put it on, and be the person you always thought you could be.

The cap looks a little like a hairnet, but please don't let that put you off. The theory behind the incredible thinking cap is that it will be able to switch different parts of your brain on and off, thereby allowing specific parts of your gray matter to blossom to their full potential.

Scientists from the University of Sydney have studied brilliant people like Dustin Hoffman. Or, rather, brilliant people like the Qantas Airways-knowledgeable savant Dustin Hoffman plays in Rain Man.

This is not a thinking cap. But wouldn't it be great if it came in pink?

(Credit: CC Breibeest)

Mirroring the way savants are both brilliant and mentally not quite there (remind you of any techies you know?), the thinking cap's scientific milliners use tiny magnetic pulses to either deaden a part of your brain or excite it beyond its normal level of stimulus, thereby allowing the excited part to reveal the full glory of its capabilities.

Professor Allan Snyder's optimism for your ability to, say, rumba like a Cuban while being an analyst for Mark Cuban, is boundless: "I believe that each of us has within us nonconscious machinery which can do extraordinary art, extraordinary memory, and extraordinary mathematical calculations."

Once the thinking cap buzzes experimentees up for 10 or 15 minutes, some are able to draw in a far more lifelike manner. Others, and this will please many at this site greatly, become far better editors, able to spot mistakes in a text that they could not see before the "OUT OF ORDER" sign has been hung on certain areas of their brains.

There is, however, a little bad news. The effects of the thinking-cap zap wear off after an hour. This might lead to some very unfortunate occurrences.

You've impressed someone over dinner with your ability to simultaneously sing hits from the '70s and balance a spoon on your nose. You go back to your place. The clock strikes midnight, the spoon falls off and, in the middle of some particularly apposite Barry Manilow rendition, you hit more bum notes than Britney Spears hits live.

But even this bad news might bring with it some good. The technique in the thinking-cap experiments, known as transcranial magnetic stimulation, also seems to be helpful in treating depression.

[Imalittleteapot]

Well how's it work when you're really really drunk? You seem to have left that part out, yet it's a fundamental question any time you deal with Karaoke.

[ChrisMatyszczyk]

Ah, you make a very fair point. And I wish I was scientist enough to answer it.

Perhaps, with the Thinking Cap on, the part of you that needs one drink too many is the part that gets switched off..

Chris

[Imalittleteapot]

Hmmm.. People knowing when they've had enough? Seems unpossible to me. This would have to be some really good tech.

[BNUX]

Cool gadget. I buy one when is for sell!! :-)

[Kesteral]

Sounds like a high tech version of phrenology. And probably about as effective.

[Kesteral]

You can go into a shop and order an artistic temperament with a tendency to introspection. What you actually get is hit on the head with a large hammer, but it keeps the money in circulation and gives people something to do.

[ChrisMatyszczyk]

Kesteral,

You may be right. As I always used to think I had an artistic temperament with a tendency to introspection and now I realize that my brother did, in fact, hit me on the head with a large hammer when I was six years old.

Chris

[SantanaBond]

Professor Allan Snyder has been doing truly amazing work in the field of noninvasive brain treatment. Several other institutions such as the University of Arizona, Columbia University. MIT and the University of Toronto are also making great strides toward completing an actual fully working model which should be available for public use by 2015. However, following considerable investigation by World News Watch we have come across considerable validating data strongly indicating that a small biotech company in San Antonio, Texas, The Behavior Research Institute, completed a fully working prototype model called Electromagnetic Brain Animation some 4 years ago. This is a patented mechanism. This same Institution also owns trademark rights to the much used colloquial name of all such similar instruments, 'The Thinking

Santana Bond
Editor
World News Watch