Plane porn: Who wants it?

So the strangely pungent, limp-haired person sitting next to you on that astonishingly clean American Airlines plane might soon avail himself (oh, come on, you know it's more likely to be a "him") of the airline's Wi-Fi service and watch Good Will Humping.

I will leave it to those far wiser in the ways of matters legal to debate the potential lawsuits that might arise if airline passengers are allowed to watch pornography while clenching their behinds in seat 13B. However, a slightly different matter whips me about the crevices in this regard: what sort of person wants to watch porn on a plane?

Please forgive me, but I am told by those who avail themselves of Hefneresque materials that it is a singularly private pursuit. I am told such behavior sometimes occurs when one's spouse has an important business engagement, necessitating a (thankfully) late arrival back at Domestic Bliss Avenue.

So, what's he watching, huh?

(Credit: CC Moriza)

I understand that perhaps a certain imbalance in sexual enthusiasm in longer-term relationships might lead individuals within the relationship to find succor in pornography--or even that couples might indulge in a little combined spectatorship to add a little paprika to their relationship. Of course, for some people, porn is just a way to get from one period of four minutes to the next.

But if you're packed into coach, having to perform certain movements from the Kama Sutra just to get your sweater off, how can you possibly be in the mood to huddle over your laptop and be swept away by the finely scripted acting of John Curtis Holmes or Jenna Jameson?

Flying is, in general, about as pleasurable as manually removing your nasal hair, and there are surely very few people who view pornography without being in a certain mood. Pornography of the "two thumbs up" variety may, I am told, also bring with it a certain change in the the viewer's demeanor and physical position--changes that a seat in coach manifestly does not allow.

Are there truly specimens in our vast and temporary world who would feel neither discomfort nor embarrassment nor even just a little tinge of other-directedness and would simply boot up a little jiggling booty as they float from Detroit to Dallas?

I know you will tell me there are. But I will continue in the mental bondage that prevents me from grasping how they might enjoy it.

Still, you might say, there are the folks in business class. They pay all that money for extra space, extra wine and, I suppose, other extras too. Surely even they, though, despite the additional width of their flying fiefdom, would be pushed hard to feign sanguinity watching the lithe writhing and the overendowed overacting.

I know there will be readers out there who will have already dared to join this Mile Sigh Club on their portable DVD players. There will be those who say live and let live, love and let love, the Internet is freedom and it's my freedom that matters most. Others might say block out this filth, Beijing Olympics-style.

But I find myself far more focused on these peculiar high-flying perps themselves. I don't want anyone disturbing me on a plane. Isn't a porn peep-show merely another way a fellow passenger can make your flying life just a little more unbearable?

This is porn in a public place, which might strike the innocent bysitter as being not entirely dissimilar to their first encounter with a flasher.

So perhaps there might be a rule that you can watch whatever you like, but if anyone is disturbed--and I'm talking sound or vision here--you would have to agree to a suitable forfeit as decided by the airline in question.

What if an airline decided that anyone caught disturbing others by displaying a penchant for stimulation in the skies would be asked to, say, don a large inflated condom on their head for the rest of the flight?

This might seem a little Napoleon Dynamite. But can you think of a quicker way to get teenage boys to forsake their less than endearing habits?

[av_a_laugh]

Shame it takes him so long to get to the real issue - "this is porn in a public place" and as such anyone who has any real qualms with banning such content needs to have a good long look at themselves in the mirror

[Perry_Clease]

Before we go any further, what is the legal definition of porn?

[ewelch]

Porn, to quote a Supreme Court Justice.

Justice Potter Stewart used the phrase in his concurring opinion in Jacobellis v. Ohio 378 U.S. 184 (1964). He wrote:
"I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that." (emphasis added)

[quiltnuttoo]

How about the airlines install little privacy curtains around each seat similar to those in hospital rooms. This would, further, restrict movement. Perhaps, people wouldn't even be able to click the necessary buttons to access such content, in that case.

[rosscbrown]

I don't want porn on the plane, but it is nice knowing that is is there if I do.

[trescrepu]

Nobody's going to watch porn on the plane. What a waste of time and energy this whole argument is. Stupid people are so sensitive.

[bonesbautista]

I don't watch porn, but I don't care whether it's available or not. If it gets people to calm down, then let it be shown. Just keep the libidos in check and the gonads covered if kids or religious servants are present. I'm sure the hotel business would love to see porn on planes....

BTW, porn on airplanes is not porn in a public place. The planes are private property, and the passengers are customers.

[aka_tripleB]

I won't argue about what you said, but problems that could arrise can still be countered by laws that already exist. I'm fairly certain "exposure" laws cover anything that could cover what flight attendants want rules and regulations for. So I hope lawmakers don't waste money saying they need to make any. Plus, I think the flight attendant are probably greatly exaggerating the problem.

[ballssalty]

Finally somebody has asked the question. Who would want to watch porn on a plane!!! The only possible reason someone would do it is to purposely annoy somebody else. Because as the writer states you're not in the most comfortable position to enjoy such a flick.

I mean come on. What? a 5 hour plane ride from coast to coast and you can't not watch porn for 5 freakin' hours? Geez.

[biffhenerson]

Porn has nothing to do with it. Why would anyone want to offend other people in any way?

[shinkat--2008]

I also wondered who would watch porn on plane, but then I realized they won't watch it on their seat, but they might in bathroom. That will be a problem. I hope airlines block Wi-Fi signal into bathroom.

[ChrisMatyszczyk]

No, please, not the bathroom.

I mean, they could be in there for ages. No, no. Good thinking,

Chris

[monoclemonkey]

As someone who has perused a Playboy tucked inside a SkyMall on a 737, it is socially wrong even if it is not illegal. No one sits watching porn in a coffee shop on their laptop. People don't because most don't want the ridicule or the associated stigma (everyone does it. not everyone admits). "I saw Bob buying a Penthouse" is much different than "I saw Bob flipping through dirty photos while writing a letter to Penthouse in the waiting room while getting his oil changed". I did not want to look at porn on a plane until someone told me I could not.

Can you get into the mile high club flying solo? discuss.

[dredgerie]

How is this any different than sex in bathrooms on the plane? I don't want to be the guy who has to use the bathroom on the plane as you and the girl in 36C are walking out any more than I want to be the guy who has to sit next to some smelly' perv on the isle row jerking to Jenna's greatest hits. But sooner or later if you fly enough, your bound to see it happen.
That being said, if people really wanted to watch porn on the plane, they could easily download it before the flight and watch it, and now we're back to not using any electronics on the plane.