Is technology making it harder to be unfaithful?

Some commentators are getting their knickers in a twist because they feel they are now unable to twist their lover's knickers around their fingers.

The world is, apparently, experiencing major changes in extramarital sexual behavior. And the reason for these changes is the development of superior technological gadgetry over the last few years.

According to Nick Harding of London's Independent newspaper, the United Kingdom's divorce rate is going down, and one of the reasons, he posits, is that it is far too easy for your spouse to catch you cheating, if not in flagrante delicto, then certainly communicanto.

Or, for those of you whose Latin is restricted to Russell Crowe in Gladiator, a snoopy spouse can find out where you've been and what you've been doing not by asking you or even catching you out in person, but by taking a voyeur's voyage around your gizmos.

(Credit: CC Just-Us-3)

Mr. Harding tells the tragic story of an Iraq vet who came home and discovered his wife's heinous affair by looking at her Mii performance records on their Nintendo Wii console.

It recorded the long nights of virtual bowling by the Iraq vet's wife with someone out there, bowling that appears to have escalated to a slightly less virtual and virtuous rolling. In the hay, as it were.

But technology isn't merely wrecking the joy of extramarital sex in the ways that many readers might have already experienced--the text message that gets read by the wrong person, the e-mail that gets surreptitiously scanned and interpreted. Or even misinterpreted.

Just a cursory googling brought me to a site that will happily sell you something called a GPS Snitch, which is "small and has advanced features in real time," for a mere $399.

Essentially, the GPS Snitch enables you to follow your spouse's car wherever he or she may go. Or roam. But if you're really suspicious, you could try wandering over to Brickhouse Security's very thorough site.

Brickhouse Security is keen to sell you a semen detection kit. (Sale price: $49.95.) I would underline the fact that this masterful technology works on garments of all materials, colors, and genders.

While I don't intend to spoil all your enjoyment of this most sobering science, I really must quote just one short paragraph from the Brickhouse site: "On Sunday morning, he left the house and told you he was going to play golf. Then, when he came home and took a shower, you grabbed his underwear and did the test. If you detected semen, what is he going to say? 'I was masturbating on the golf course.'"

Mr. Harding appears keen to suggest that younger people, who are more tech-savvy, are the ones who are keeping clear of infidelities, especially long-term ones. He quotes a psychologist called Andrew Marshall: "Keeping an affair going has become almost impossible. I would regularly counsel couples where an affair had lasted more than three years. Today, he or she will first get proof and confront. The result is that the length of affairs has dropped dramatically. Looking at all the evidence, it seems that the end of the secret affair is in sight."

Word has slipped out in only the last 24 hours that the propensity to have an affair, at least for men, may be genetically determined. But being a people sort of person, I am very keen to discover whether readers have been, well, caught. If not in the act, then at least very shortly afterward.

I am also interested to hear whether the ubiquity of your technological footprint really is making it more difficult for you to cheat on your spouses. Or whether, in fact, the younger ones among you have decided that, perhaps, marriage at a young age simply isn't such a good idea.

I have heard it said that many long-term relationships are currently being held together by economic imperatives rather than the atomic thrust of love. But I am a romantic at heart, and I want to be convinced that the true exciting beauty of the illicit affair is not quite dead.

[gsmiller88]

It is so frustrating to be friends with someone of the opposite sex then when they start dating someone, have their significant other start a bunch of garbage. It's almost as though people think that the person they're dating won't cheat on them so as long they're only friends with people of the same sex online. Affairs were going on long before the internet was a staple in almost every American home and they will continue to happen, whether the internet is involved or not.

[Lerianis]

Hey, easy answer to this: don't tell a woman or man that you are going to be monogamous with them. I don't EVER do that, and haven't had one female of whatever age who has had a problem with that, unless they are brainwashed religio-junkie who I wouldn't date anyway!

[johncwalker]

If technology is making it more difficult for individuals to commit adultery, then it is certainly a blessing that is saving souls. There is no "beauty" in an illicit affair: Adultery is an injustice. He/she who commits adultery fails in his commitment. He/she does injury to the sign of the covenant which the marriage bond is, transgresses the rights of the other spouse, and undermines the institution of marriage by breaking the contract on which it is based. He compromises the good of human generation and the welfare of children who need their parents' stable union.

[bluemist9999]

Trust is the key that allows any kind of person to person contact to exist. Using such a device means trust is gone. At that point, so is the relationship, no matter what information comes from what gadget.

Let's say the gadget gives a "safe" answer. It won't really allay any fears. Now, let's say the gadget gives a "suspicious" answer such as "he's not at work right now." That answer causes endless grief.

So how do these gadgets help at all? Information doesn't change opinions.

[x0lani]

So, if I'm reading this correctly, you can get away with a lot more by dating the technically uninclined? ;)

[jackrichardson3]

Ah, the beauty of the illicit affair is not over. Simple security is all you need. I have a system that is password protected, a different OS entirely they don't know how to work, a browser that resets itself on closing, web based email communication and chat, mobile phone that is password protected and doesn't display text until asked to, all for "work and company privacy." Which is true, by the way. Even though it is not a company owned system.

Plus they have their own systems to use so there's no reason to use mine. Not that I've had any illicit affairs in the last 7 years, mind you.

Was that convincing?

[GuyBlaise]

An affair is like a crime. There is no "perfect affair." Once again, as the Malinkes of Mali say,"If you hide your s*** at the bottom of the river, it will eventually come to the surface."
http://guyblaise.com/

[GuyBlaise]

An affair is like a crime. There is no "perfect affair." Once again, as the Malinkes of Mali say,"If you hide your s*** at the bottom of the river, it will eventually come to the surface."
http://guyblaise.com/

[Penguinisto]

Interesting, but really... unless you and your S/O mutually agree to put keyloggers on each other's machines, and are comfortable with eyeballing every aspect of each other's lives with suspicion, what's the point? At sometime, you're just going to have to trust each other. Sure, the tech can make it easier to confirm or dissolve suspicions, but isn't that what good old fashioned communication is supposed to do? It's much easier to voice (or hear) dissatisfactions while they're still small and easily correctable, than to have to endure (or explain) betrayal and violation.

The technology really doesn't change the fundamentals, and it certainly won't prevent the act (it only prevents the act from getting too far).

[bsbeals]

Well said....the first person to get to the real crux of the matter. It's analogous to fraud controls in business....they only catch the stupid thieves. If your partner wishes to violate the trust, the game is already lost....it's just a matter of time. In my humble opinion, in most instances infidelity is a symptom, not the actual disease.

[BenjaminWright]

Chris: Your story reflects a larger and profound social trend. Technology is curbing all abuses of authority, power and trust . . . which includes even the trust in a marital relationship and the trust that a retail store owner invests in a customer who is allowed to walk through the door. --Ben http://hack-igations.blogspot.com/2007/12/people-in-authority-sometimes-abuse.html