Why the online Bigfoot claims are true

Because you are alive and online, you will probably have already heard that two hunters in Georgia claim to have discovered the body of Bigfoot, the legendary big, hairy, well, thing.

Many commentators, including CNET's redoubtable Caroline McCarthy, have expressed a soupcon of skepticism about the veracity of the discovery.

I can, quite naturally, understand such doubt and redoubt. Journalism is a dubious business.

And Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer, the two hunters who claim to have discovered the big-footed body, have, unfortunately, created a YouTube video in which they presented a supposed expert, a Dr. Van Buren from Texas, who turned out to be Mr. Whitton's brother. And, um, not a Doctor of Bigfootism.

However, Mr. Whitton's explanation was very convincing: "I'm just tired of all the stalkers so I had my brother, 'Dr Van Buren', come down (... )I'm just glad you all had something to do on the weekend. We still have a corpse."

Now THIS was a hoax.

(Credit: CC Bitshaker)

When you are being constantly stalked, you have to take reasonable evasive action. And who better than your brother to help you in such a situation? However, there are other facts that suggest Mr. Dyer and Mr. Whitton will, tomorrow, stun the world:

1. Their press conference is being held in Palo Alto. No one who is not in full possession of unimpeachable facts would ever dare venture to Palo Alto to be scrutinized. Palo Alto is the home of some of the finest faculties in the world, and only someone who had long ago lost his faculties of reasoning and personal safety would agree to speak there without full confidence in his evidence. Would you talk fake DNA in a place surrounded by weird scientists and DNA labs? Neither would I.

2. It is one of life's great lessons that if you persevere, you will reach your goal. Mr. Dyer and Mr. Whitton are not casual hunters who happened to come across a huge hairy body that would take ten men to drag through the forest. No, these are men who have dedicated themselves to the pursuit of this 7 feet, 7 inches tall, 500 pound menace. I mean, this thing is taller than Yao Ming. It is ten Yao Mings across. At least. When you make such a vast entity your life's pursuit, then your wish will often be granted. It is the same attitude with which Sir Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin and Simon Cowell discovered Il Divo.

3. Bigfoot was found in Georgia. This, for me, is the clincher. All those dreadful science fiction novels, movies and strange, bearded commentators have always said that Bigfoot's beat was the Pacific Northwest. How can this be anything other than nonsense? Georgia brought us the brutal killing and, er, other stuff, of Deliverance. The Pacific Northwest brought us Sleepless In Seattle. Georgia brought us Michael Vick and dogfighting. The Pacific Northwest brought us Woodland Park Zoo, 92 acres of fun for all the family. Georgia is home to CNN. The Pacific Northwest doesn't even have a regional office of the Food Network. (Atlanta, naturally, does.)

I firmly believe that at noon tomorrow, in the Cabana Hotel-Palo Alto, history will be made.

And all the Teetering Thomases who once believed there was no such thing as the Loch Ness Monster or Darth Vader, will be shown up for the total fools they are.

[WilliamBanzai7]

I believe they have actually found Billy Carter.

[WilliamBanzai7]

I believe they have actually found Billy Carter.

[g15host]

Is that why the Russians invaded Georgia? To recapture the secret monster experiment that has been discovered?

[dottysbc]

I like to think that they walk among us. Its very comforting.

dob

[Kreuzer33]

Can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. I seriously doubt these guys found Bigfoot. I mean, why Georgia? If I was Bigfoot, I'd find somewhere a little less humid.

http://kreuzer33.wordpress.com/2008/08/15/georgia-men-find-bigfoot/

[lwolford]

Of course it's true; Add in a couple of "good ole boys" , an all night **** hunt, a couple of twelve packs; You'll catch a "Bigfoot" everytime....

[buzguy]

Well campers, I do not know if this account of Bigfoot is true but I did see one for sure! I am now 64 years old and way back when I was 20, I was walking in a very remote area of Northeastern PA on top of Red Rock Mountain. I was out scouting a hunting area before Deer season and carrying a high-powered Winchester rifle. It was still dark when I left the car and I was sneaking around the backside of a dry lake bed just off the peat bog into the woods about 20 feet. Suddenly I heard rocks up in front of me tumbling and I beet down to look ahead below the tree leaf cover. I saw what I thought was a large bear running away from me at high speed on his hind legs. I thought it was very weird that this animal would be running upright like a man but I did see it. I could have shot it as I was carrying my Winchester 32 Special but I did not because I thought it must have been a bear. This thing was big ... in the order of eight [8] feet tall and covered with hair. NOW, I never said anything about it because I did not know what I was looking at or rather what I really saw. That vision haunted me for many years until much later in life when I saw my first story about a Bigfoot. Soon afterward, I read a story in a small paper called "The Sullivan County Review" wherein they took/showed plaster casts of the feet of some unknown animal that had left tracks though the town of New Albany one night. The tracks were exactly like the footprints I saw out in the peat bog where I scouted deer years before. They were between 16-20 inches in length and humanoid in appearance. The peat was damp and it took very good impressions of these tracks. At the time I really thought some jerk was walking around with big human type wooden feet strapped to his own feet to create a hoax of some sort. My spotting of these tracks occurred a week or so before I saw the animal running away from me. One more thing; I need to say I remember this awful smell in the area where the tracks were. It was a smell nothing like I ever experienced before. I remembered this smell when reading one of the many accounts of Bigfoot sightings or experiences I have seen over the years ... Others have reported an unusual smell as well. Finally, the town of New Albany where the footprints were cast is about 20 miles North of the spot where I saw my Bigfoot.

Thanks,

Enjoy mocking me if you wish, I'm too old to give a damn anymore!

Guy Giordano

Harveys Lake, PA.

[hypermod]

Stick to the facts: "I did not know what I was looking at or rather what I really saw."

[shanedr]

If anyone actually found a bigfoot carcass they would have a team of scientists (probably from the nearest university) examining it within a week. Those guys are a joke.

[redwoodcoast]

Here's the real Bigfoot near Eureka, California, where the first Bigfoot tracks were found. This video was shot only a few days ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p22BGJ6dXU

[redwoodcoast]

Here's the real Bigfoot near Eureka, California, where the first Bigfoot tracks were found. This video was shot only a few days ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p22BGJ6dXU

[redwoodcoast]

Want to see REAL proof that Bigfoot lives? Here is it from the redwoods of Northern California, in a video shot this week. Look close and you'll see a female too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p22BGJ6dXU

[redwoodcoast]

Want to see REAL proof that Bigfoot lives? Here is it from the redwoods of Northern California, in a video shot this week. Look close and you'll see a female too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p22BGJ6dXU

[BayushiKazemi]

1) I would not talk full DNA into a lab, but I might take it there and claim they are telling you the wrong results. That it's a conspiracy. Then, I might take some of the DNA to a trustworthy "specialist" to get the "truth". The result of the test is seen HERE--> http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN1544880720080815?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews

2) It's also the same attitude Juan Ponce de León took in his search for the fountain of youth. Just because you're devoted to finding it doesn't mean it exists.

3) Bigfoot was probably found in Georgia because it was convenient for them. Honestly, the humidity and heat of Georgia makes it a bad place for Bigfoot. These hoaxes get better and better.

[BayushiKazemi]

1) I would not talk full DNA into a lab, but I might take it there and claim they are telling you the wrong results. That it's a conspiracy. Then, I might take some of the DNA to a trustworthy "specialist" to get the "truth". The result of the test is seen HERE--> http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSN1544880720080815?feedType=RSS&feedName=topNews

2) It's also the same attitude Juan Ponce de León took in his search for the fountain of youth. Just because you're devoted to finding it doesn't mean it exists.

3) Bigfoot was probably found in Georgia because it was convenient for them. Honestly, the humidity and heat of Georgia makes it a bad place for Bigfoot. These hoaxes get better and better.